It's complicated

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Reading this here has made me wonder if I have codependency problems. I'm going to need to look more into it.

Hello. Yes, it is always good to research things, once you see something someone writes that you feel you relate in ways to. The reason I did not say he definitely had it, but was showing traits of it, is because often codependent people are more withdrawn. That boyfriend did not seem withdrawn, from what was written so far. But, sometimes there are exceptions to rules.

 

[Ylva]

I just came here from the psychopath thread, and this guy sounds like a narcissist. So many delicious personality disorders.

At any rate, I'm sorry this is happening to you. My dad's girlfriend was hella abusive to me and I don't even think she is anything but neurotypical. I can almost promise you he is faking his sad expressions to manipulate you. The only thing that has ever worked for me when dealing with toxic people is to limit interaction as much as possible.

 

[Jet Weiss]

Thank you for the replies, everyone. I apologise for being a bit slow to reply as I am on a vacation with my family atm.

Yeah, it is starting to look that way isn't it? (About him being a narcissist I mean).
He is so manipulative, he always tells my mum how much he loves her so she will "spoil" him in return, I find it sickening.

Dadwith2autisticsons- it is definitely codependency. I am surprised that my mum puts up with it as well, she put up with a lot of crap from my dad and I'm shocked that she would allow another guy to do it to her again (and he is much worse than my dad).

Ylva- Thank you, and I am sorry to hear your dad's girlfriend was abusive. That thought has occurred to me as well, that he is faking the sadness in order to manipulate us.
I would normally be trying to stay away from him but is a bit hard atm as we are all on holiday together. :/

 

[Lookinator]

I'm really sorry to hear that your dad passed away.
I would like to say that i don't feel that the guy who dates your mom is completly sincere. It seems to me that the guy is overreacting a lot with his stupid jokes. There might be some reasons why he needs your mom, it could be a financial reason. I'd try to understand why the guy needs your mom. If that would be a pure love - I'd not doubt that, but if it'd something fake, I'm being on your place would try to convice your mom to lose this relationships if it's possible. It looks like you are trying your best to figure out this guy. If you don't like this man - i think you don't have to hide it, just be open with your mom and tell her what you think.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

I think it is just a matter of time before that mothers boyfriend's annoying behavior gets so wacky and bizarre that the mother will not put up with it anymore either. I think that guy telling a few lies would be easy, or in the beginning he could put his best foot forward, but eventually the real person shows up, and he learns to speak his mind more and more freely without a filter and it makes him come across as really a selfish and not that nice of person, and one who wants all the attention. I hope the mother sees that soon, if not already. He will not change for the better, but get worse over time.

 

[Jet Weiss]

So this morning he broke up with my mum, was quite mean to her and ended up cutting off all contact and blocking her on everything, including blocking her number, packed up all his crap and left.

He claims that the reason he broke up with her was that she was cheating on him with a 19 year old guy. I don't think this accusation has any basis in reality tbh, I am with my mum most of the time and I have never seen her so much as send a text message to another guy in that context, especially not one who is around my age.

I don't know what to do to help my mum feel better. She is blaming herself for everything because he has blamed her for everything. She feels terrible about herself.

I just think, good riddance. I hope she can find someone who is better for her and someone who I would be comfortable with being a part of my life.

 

[Ylva]

I am happy for you. For your mother, too. I suppose you could give her some articles on emotional abuse, if you think she'd respond to that.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Depending on how much she really cared for him, she may go through several or all of the grief stages, so realize she may go through a variety of those emotions, like shock anger, denial, sadness, and so on, not necessarily in that order.

The best you can do is to just let her get those various emotions out and be there for her and try to support her and understand her feelings may at times be different than yours, as you never felt close to him, but saw things clearer.

I though would not support any desire by her to resolve things to get him back with her. If she attempts that, tell her how you have felt harmed by his behaviors and actions, and could not support that. He was showing numerous danger signs.

 

[Momo]

So this morning he broke up with my mum, was quite mean to her and ended up cutting off all contact and blocking her on everything, including blocking her number, packed up all his crap and left.

He claims that the reason he broke up with her was that she was cheating on him with a 19 year old guy. I don't think this accusation has any basis in reality tbh, I am with my mum most of the time and I have never seen her so much as send a text message to another guy in that context, especially not one who is around my age.

I don't know what to do to help my mum feel better. She is blaming herself for everything because he has blamed her for everything. She feels terrible about herself.

I just think, good riddance. I hope she can find someone who is better for her and someone who I would be comfortable with being a part of my life.

Well, I too say good riddance. Let us just hope that she finds a man worth his merit, her prior entanglement doesn't sound like it worked out too well. Just remember to let your mum grieve a wee bit, no matter how annoying the douche was, otherwise that anger and grief may end up coming your way. Just a wee bit of advice, since I should know, I can never shut my big mouth and it gets me in all sorts of wonderful situations...

 

[Streetwise]

IM praying for get her started on mindfulness the new testament says i will give them the oil of joy for the spirit of mourning and i will comfort them sayeth the lord (in judeo Christian beliefs anointing(pouring oil over the top of the head to the extent it covers the head and more, (this oil-was a special blend made only for the holy of holies !!!a wonderful perfume ) is to indicate blessing

So this morning he broke up with my mum, was quite mean to her and ended up cutting off all contact and blocking her on everything, including blocking her number, packed up all his crap and left.

He claims that the reason he broke up with her was that she was cheating on him with a 19 year old guy. I don't think this accusation has any basis in reality tbh, I am with my mum most of the time and I have never seen her so much as send a text message to another guy in that context, especially not one who is around my age.

I don't know what to do to help my mum feel better. She is blaming herself for everything because he has blamed her for everything. She feels terrible about herself.

I just think, good riddance. I hope she can find someone who is better for her and someone who I would be comfortable with being a part of my life.

 

[Streetwise]

and doctors now think holding anger in the chest is one of the causes of breast cancer if the person doesnt release the anger

Well, I too say good riddance. Let us just hope that she finds a man worth his merit, her prior entanglement doesn't sound like it worked out too well. Just remember to let your mum grieve a wee bit, no matter how annoying the douche was, otherwise that anger and grief may end up coming your way. Just a wee bit of advice, since I should know, I can never shut my big mouth and it gets me in all sorts of wonderful situations...

 

[Bella Pines]

Glad it all worked out xxx

 

[Ylva]

Here's one:

Narcissistic Abuse and the Symptoms of Narcissist Victim Syndrome

 

[Keigan]

Keep in mind that people use humor as a way to express their inner feelings, that they themselves can't quite be with or understand. So if you remove the humor and listen to what he is saying, then he is deeply disturbed.