inkfingers
21 year old artist
Honestly, doing things alone sounds better than doing them with people. I wouldn't say that its weird to do most things by yourself; I'm the same way. The less people, the better.
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It’s ok to want to be alone.
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AuBurney Tuckerson
~GigglesTheAutisticHyena~
I have a friend, but she's okay with me being alone. We don't see each other much since she moved, and we miss each other, but we both understand when we need our alone times.
BeachLife
40's woman newly diagnosed
I relate! There are times when I'm extremely extroverted as well. Mostly when I was a lot younger but I used to do quite spontaneous funny things to make my friends laugh. Ive still got that side to me, but these days find it very very hard to find people I relate to, and feel comfortable around. Now, im often feeling like I dont even know who I am anymore socially!I've always considered myself an extrovert, but it's also kind of confusing.
I love to meet new people, but only in professional settings where there's an obligation for both to be respectful, such as if one of us is an employee, which is why I loved being a cashier a lot of the time.
I love hanging out with friends, a particular set number of people who are very nice, but I never want to hang out spontaneously, I never want to hang out so long that I can't be alone at least several hours of the day, and I don't like groups larger than 4-6.
But if all the conditions are met then I'm very loud and out-going and sound like your little description here:
If the conditions aren't met, I'm pretty much silent.
And when I really like someone, like my Favorite Person kind of thing, I just follow them around and want to be around them as much as possible.
Keep in mind, during all of this social interaction, I'm awkward and weird the entire time! That's why I'm careful to do it around people who like it or don't mind it or claim to not notice it.
But I'm pretty sure all my friends would describe me as very extroverted, probably because of things like loudness, inappropriateness, funniness, and often long rants and stuff like that, like this one!
I have made a group of friends based on all being lgtbqi community who likes doing outdoorsy type activities. They are nice enough but I don't fit in. I am nurturing the friendships as we at least have those things in common and for me at this time in my life that is healthy and positive.
TempeFan
Well-Known Member
I have this friend from my college study group who I have been trading birthday/holiday cards and phone calls with 2 to 3 times per year since the 1980s. I suspect he is an Aspy too, so I asked him and he said "What's that?" I explained and mentioned a few of his Aspy traits, such as how he turned one of his intense hobbies into a successful career, his honesty and dependability and lack of vices, his weird sense of humor/conversational style which people tend not to get or get too much of, his being a cat person, and the fact that, though he is nice to everybody, he's never had a one on one romantic relationship. Over the years, he's often said how he wishes people would stop trying to set him up. It's usually the synogogue and neighbor ladies trying to get him to date their daughters and nieces. He says when he finds the time and the right girl, who was born into his faith, and blah blah blah.... He's always been a very kind happy upbeat kind of guy who occassionally says he gets a bit lonely sometimes. Still he won't make time for a primary relationship, even though there are plenty of women, just like the dream girl he describes, who are interested in him.
Eventually, it became obvious to me that he is a confirmed bachelor by choice. I used to worry about him and think what a waste of good husband material, because I didn't understand a human being could be happy living in a small apartment all by themself. Now I get it. He really is.
I was raised in a very lonely big hoarder house where the wife resides upstairs and the husband downstairs. They have been married over 60 years and still have not learned toshare pleasant experiences or communicate. If you call to tell them something, you have to call back to tell the other or the other will have no idea who called. They and the children all had separate lives and separate rooms where they watched the same shows on separate tvs. We weren't allowed to have any friends or social interaction, not even with each other. Except for the holiday spread, meals were eaten individually with one person at the table at a time. They were and still are miserable. I wanted no part of it. Though desparately seeking it, I never had the opportunity for a permanent primary relationship until my late 30s. Since then, I have been happily married doing everything together for almost 2 decades and I wouldn't want to live any other way.
Everybody is different and deserves to live the way they prefer. It's sad that a lot of people pretend they prefer, or strive to live differently than the way they prefer, just because they think they are supposed to. They don't realize that what other people do and think may not be right for them and won't make them happy.
Eventually, it became obvious to me that he is a confirmed bachelor by choice. I used to worry about him and think what a waste of good husband material, because I didn't understand a human being could be happy living in a small apartment all by themself. Now I get it. He really is.
I was raised in a very lonely big hoarder house where the wife resides upstairs and the husband downstairs. They have been married over 60 years and still have not learned toshare pleasant experiences or communicate. If you call to tell them something, you have to call back to tell the other or the other will have no idea who called. They and the children all had separate lives and separate rooms where they watched the same shows on separate tvs. We weren't allowed to have any friends or social interaction, not even with each other. Except for the holiday spread, meals were eaten individually with one person at the table at a time. They were and still are miserable. I wanted no part of it. Though desparately seeking it, I never had the opportunity for a permanent primary relationship until my late 30s. Since then, I have been happily married doing everything together for almost 2 decades and I wouldn't want to live any other way.
Everybody is different and deserves to live the way they prefer. It's sad that a lot of people pretend they prefer, or strive to live differently than the way they prefer, just because they think they are supposed to. They don't realize that what other people do and think may not be right for them and won't make them happy.
Triad dear its NOT youre fault & like you i had maybe 2 -3 i would call my REEL frinds .Its not the amount of friends that counts dear its the REEL few friends that counts (i have maybe 10 that i can call REEL friends and they are scatted around the country & globe ) those that stick with you thru bad times as well as good times. & lastly you're NOT weird stupid a nut job or any of that you are YOU dear.
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While I find SOME contentment in being by myself, I greatly prefer socialization to it in different circumstances. Still, it's a nice, meditative opportunity to have time to myself when my mother and Maddog are away doing errands, and I have a couple hours to do whatever the heck I want. They have to go re-arrange insurance, or whatever it is parents do when they're out and away, I get to play demi-urge for the better part of four hours, as the people of Garry's Mod, NPCs that is, haplessly drop like flies and fall over dead as they mindlessly shoot at each other, me occasionally hucking an explosive barrel or two at them. Are they suffering? No, they're computer programs. They don't feel.
Other times, I like to pretend I'm part of a fan-made streamer community that masquerades as a parody of Vinesauce, and invoke my gamer-streamer persona "Commander Frabbendoodle" into a series of practice streams of corrupted SNES and NES games and my cynical, idyllic reactions to the glitchy results. It's definitely not because I'm quasi-schizophrenic, have 19 different split personalities that think as separate people and are all plotting to take control of my body for themselves. Definitely not that, I promise you.
(Evil, deep and shadowy voice: "They know too much. You know what you have to do.")
Other times, I like to pretend I'm part of a fan-made streamer community that masquerades as a parody of Vinesauce, and invoke my gamer-streamer persona "Commander Frabbendoodle" into a series of practice streams of corrupted SNES and NES games and my cynical, idyllic reactions to the glitchy results. It's definitely not because I'm quasi-schizophrenic, have 19 different split personalities that think as separate people and are all plotting to take control of my body for themselves. Definitely not that, I promise you.
(Evil, deep and shadowy voice: "They know too much. You know what you have to do.")
Noelle
Well-Known Member
Could not agree with this more.
^ This. So much this.
The answer is that the "NT" world (for lack of a better term) is obsessed with social status. Some of the most vain and petty of people fit right into it. When someone spots a "loner", the first assumption is that they're by themselves because something must be wrong. Some situations I've found myself in really reinforces that. In that world, it's all about making sure others approve of you and to outdo others in that approval rating. It's a hierarchy, no different than anything else in the animal kingdom. Power and prestige is the name of the game. And you can't have that without other people to compare to.
Years ago, I remember when a guy screwed me out of money and then tried to act all chummy, inviting me over to his place for a beer. Being the fool that I was, I went with it. The conversation was a comparison about what we do and where we were at in life. The guy wanted a "pal" to feel superior to and it showed in his gestures, tone, and subjects of interest.
That's just one example of what I'm talking about. But it's a salient one.
GrownupGirl
Tempermental Artist
I've heard that human beings are social by nature and therefor they have a natural fear of being alone and bla bla bla. Whenever I've been forced to be with a group of people I feel more lonely than I do when I'm by myself. When I'm alone I can do what I want, when I want. But when I'm with other people I have to do what *they* want and whenever *they* want to, and then I end up bored, tense and ready to strangle people.
You expressed my feelings perfectly. With the holidays coming up I feel more lonely than at any other time of the year, surrounded by hoards of people celebrating being together and not alone. I have already started my St John's Wort regimen for the season (the usual antidepressants don't work well for me).
IntoTheVoid
Well-Known Member
I love being alone because people drain my energy.
Bad thing is... I have almost no chance to be alone. First - at home, there is my family, m'kay and they are around all the time. Then there is my job. In my office, it's full of people of course. And these two things are connected with my ways through the city, which is also full of people.
A year ago, my family travelled abroad and I took a vacation at work, so I was alone whole week, taking care of our house and geez... That was beautiful! Totally! I've never felt so rested, refilled with energy in my entire lfie. Pure heaven!
I wish the lazy bastards travel more LOL.
Of cours, I hate social events, like, all of them... Weddings, family gatherings, everything... All of these is so energy consuming.
Bad thing is... I have almost no chance to be alone. First - at home, there is my family, m'kay and they are around all the time. Then there is my job. In my office, it's full of people of course. And these two things are connected with my ways through the city, which is also full of people.
A year ago, my family travelled abroad and I took a vacation at work, so I was alone whole week, taking care of our house and geez... That was beautiful! Totally! I've never felt so rested, refilled with energy in my entire lfie. Pure heaven!
I wish the lazy bastards travel more LOL.
Of cours, I hate social events, like, all of them... Weddings, family gatherings, everything... All of these is so energy consuming.
dragonfire42
Perpetual outsider
I seriously believe I have the soul of a dragon, and as such I am not a social creature by nature. However, I do have my parents, who I live with, and one tenuous friendship with someone who lives in a different state. Most things I do with my parents because I have a tendency to shut down in public places and need them around to help me out. I had a roommate my first year of college, and it wreaked havoc on my mental health, purely because I'm not suited to living with anyone other than my family (even there, I have my own space in my bedroom - I did not have this when I had a roommate). I've only just recently really started to get over the effects of that, five years later.
