Just finding out at age 80.

[Shevek]

Welcome @Goblin

You're "living the postmodern dream" in a time period that's never been better for doing so in all of human history. Social Security is still intact, pensions are also largely intact and healthcare is more advanced that ever before. In many ways (e.g. financial security, buying power, creature comforts, etc) it's likely the generations to follow you won't have it as good as you're able to enjoy it. You're at a retirement age that is a pivotal time.

I certainly have contemporaries who live in that dream, but there are some that have spent their lives trying to prevent Greta Thunberg's nightmares, and are watching their life's work go for nothing. Also, in rural Canada, the free health care is generally worse than useless for an Aspie like me.

 

[Goblin]

Welcome Goblin

I figured it out a few years back at 68, just after my wife passed. I’m with Shevek and Neonatal; I think the tests are of very limited authority but are valuable opinions, and I enjoy taking them as food for thought.

Finding out so late in life is a heartbreak for me. Life has been a long crusade, which I would have fought differently had I understood the basis for my peculiarity. Then again, I attained high achievements (in my world) that I would probably not have attempted had I understood the insurmountable obstacles of a condition I didn’t know I had.

In the end, most of what we have is memories. But for me, every memory needs to be reevaluated in light of the fact that I literally see through a different lens than others. I’d rather not, but that is where my brain goes.

Haven’t been around here lately, but am poking back around. Good to meet you.

Hello back Pandector,

Thanks so much for your note. I agree. If I'd have known in my youth that the future was going to be so hard, I might have 'chickened out' and gone to live in the woods. One thing I think I've learned though is that life is supposed to break one's heart. That's sometimes the only way the light gets in and we can surrender and open up to admit we're hurting. I broke down at age 54 and blew out of my career. Never went back. So I've spend that last 23 years working on a new way of life that keeps my grief and anxiety low. I'm contented now. But I've had to give up a lot of things, friends, needs, and control to get here. Thanks again Write when you can! Goblin

 

[Goblin]

I certainly have contemporaries who live in that dream, but there are some that have spent their lives trying to prevent Greta Thunberg's nightmares, and are watching their life's work go for nothing. Also, in rural Canada, the free health care is generally worse than useless for an Aspie like me.

There is no getting outta life without trouble, whether we are an aspie or not. That's a great beard, by the way. I couldn't grow one. I looked ridiculous. You look great.

 

[Goblin]

There are popular personality tests that have only four types, and others with over a dozen. To me, they are like horoscopes. I can relate on some points, but I don't think the authors can imagine me. I found out about the AS at 56, when I was researching my mother's symptoms, and suddenly both our lives made sense.

I didn't think I was an aspie, but my daughter is sure she got it from one of us. She has suffered a lot. But finding a doctor who can or will give diagnoses to adults is hard here.

 

[Magna]

I certainly have contemporaries who live in that dream, but there are some that have spent their lives trying to prevent Greta Thunberg's nightmares, and are watching their life's work go for nothing. Also, in rural Canada, the free health care is generally worse than useless for an Aspie like me.

I'm still captivated by the velomobile idea you mentioned in the forum previously to the point that I've made a goal to save up for a recumbent bike and I'd love to make my own velo-shell for it to use as a primary mode of transportation for myself in the future. I can't ride upright bikes because my pelvic anatomy prevents me from finding any bike seat that would even provide a modicum of comfort.

 

[Shevek]

I'm still captivated by the velomobile idea you mentioned in the forum previously to the point that I've made a goal to save up for a recumbent bike and I'd love to make my own velo-shell for it to use as a primary mode of transportation for myself in the future. I can't ride upright bikes because my pelvic anatomy prevents me from finding any bike seat that would even provide a modicum of comfort.

Bikes with aeroshells get very tricky in a crosswind. Even trikes should be designed with a shell in mind - for one thing, they need better brakes. I'm happy to consult. If you can make a shell, why not make the whole thing? Here's a monocoque:

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Hello Goblin. I am glad you are here.

I figured out when I was just shy of 64 that I was autistic when I read an article about professional women with high-functioning autism.

I am glad I was born and grew up in a time period before autism was diagnosed in girls. I see the kinds of special education and therapies done with children now. I’m pretty sure those would have destroyed me. I have a PhD too and had many careers. I would get bored and have to switch. I’m still working but soon to retire

 

[Shevek]

A statistician trying to prove the "seven year itch" theory of career changes would love my case study.

 

[Goblin]

Hello Goblin. I am glad you are here.

I figured out when I was just shy of 64 that I was autistic when I read an article about professional women with high-functioning autism.

I am glad I was born and grew up in a time period before autism was diagnosed in girls. I see the kinds of special education and therapies done with children now. I’m pretty sure those would have destroyed me. I have a PhD too and had many careers. I would get bored and have to switch. I’m still working but soon to retire

My daughter writes that she doesn't want treatment because "autism is not a disease." I feel the same. INFP is difficult enough. Appreciate the high 5. Goblin

 

[Gerontius]

Welcome Goblin--
I'm really happy for you for having lived a 54-year marriage (still living it,) succeeding, proving it's possible that autistic people can and do live happy lives.
Glad you can join us on the Internet. You might be the oldest member here among us. Congratulations for eighty years!

 

[stevens]

I taught economics, have a Ph.D. in economics. Jumped from project to project because I'd get bored doing the same things very long. Married 54 years . . to the same great woman. Two children . . . a girl and a boy. Now retired and living the postmodern dream.

Welcome! I think we might have a few things in common. I'm at that milepost ten years behind you. I'lll be curious to read more from you.

 

[Crossbreed]

Hello & welcome @Goblin.

 

[Luca]

Welcome!
I think you'll be a wonderful addition to this forum, and I'm glad you've jumped in already!

 

[Goblin]

Welcome Goblin--
I'm really happy for you for having lived a 54-year marriage (still living it,) succeeding, proving it's possible that autistic people can and do live happy lives.
Glad you can join us on the Internet. You might be the oldest member here among us. Congratulations for eighty years!

Thanks, Gerontius, Who would guess? She has been my strength. I really appreciate the welcomes I am receiving. There is some very good energy on this site.
Goblin

 

[Goblin]

Welcome!
I think you'll be a wonderful addition to this forum, and I'm glad you've jumped in already!

Thanks Luca! Charm and chaos indeed! ; )

 

[Goblin]

Hello & welcome @Goblin.

Thanks, Crossbreed! Boy, there are some wild handles in this group. You can also call me Badjack . . . it was a nickname given to me by this spook.

 

[Goblin]

Welcome! I think we might have a few things in common. I'm at that milepost ten years behind you. I'lll be curious to read more from you.

Hi Stevens, Tell me more?

 

[The Pandector]

Hello back Pandector,

Thanks so much for your note. I agree. If I'd have known in my youth that the future was going to be so hard, I might have 'chickened out' and gone to live in the woods. One thing I think I've learned though is that life is supposed to break one's heart. That's sometimes the only way the light gets in and we can surrender and open up to admit we're hurting. I broke down at age 54 and blew out of my career. Never went back. So I've spend that last 23 years working on a new way of life that keeps my grief and anxiety low. I'm contented now. But I've had to give up a lot of things, friends, needs, and control to get here. Thanks again Write when you can! Goblin

LOL! I did go live in the woods. Crowds have such a debilitating effect on me, and I assumed everyone worked under the same handicap. (How silly, it seemed, that people continue to live in cities when they were so obviously poisonous.) OTOH, it was a great experience in many ways, and a lifetime memory of a decade in a yurt. The relief from noise and bustle was very cathartic.

Even with the advantage of the wilderness home, I too broke down in my 50's. Now, I view it as the early manifestations of autistic burnout. The science is still pretty flimsy on terms like burnout; I take it as a final collapse under a lifetime of unrealistic burden. In fact, after a long absence from these boards, I returned specifically to see if I could find any new insights on burnout.

My burnout culminated in a serious collapse when my lifelong wife passed away (that broken heart you spoke of.) I'm an observer, and am fairly clear on what I went through; much recovered, it would help to know how much of that is typical of the autistic burnout. Would like to hear of your take on that aspect, or anything else.

 

[Goblin]

My burnout was due to insanity, i.e. I kept working through seven different 'jobs?" over 30 years, blasting away in the same repressive career cultures, making the same mistakes, repeating the same patterns, believing that this was my only choice, untill in the seventh, the funding stopped and I blew out from the stress and anxiety. I could'nt concentrate, I couldn't stand to be in the office, every day got darker (literally), and I went numb all over. I guess my body rebelled. My emotions went dead. I had to leave. That was pretty much the end of my working life. I was 55 years old. I say insanity because I just kept doing t same thing year after year while expecting different results. I really believed America was the land of opportunity and everyone can grow up to be President! I still can't figure out why I didn't make it.

My body was in shock, I guess. I went home and just lay around. I believe it when I insist I was suicidal for some time. I couldn't think, plan, do much more. It wasn't long until I went into a period of grief. All my wants and desires collapsed. I didn't want anything or want to do anything else. My wife tried to understand but only thought that I needed to find another job, but I knew that story was over. I was even numb in my feelings towards her. But she stuck with me and supported us in her job as a teacher.

She still thinks I need to get another job.

It has been 24 years since that happened and I still don't have a job. But I've worked out a lot. Even the grief is gone. I had to go back to the beginning and start over, launch a quest to relearn how to live with the personality I've got to work with, learn to accept and love the person I am again, create the world I needed to live in, live in the moment and listen to the universe as it tries to tell me how to do this task of reknowing how to be human. All I thought I knew from the first half of my life had to be erased. It has been like 'growing up from a naive child again."
I'm so sorry to hear about your wife. I can't imagine the grief of that experience and the loss! I couldn't have made it through my spiritual and psychological crisis without my wife. But I've got to imagine that this too can be an experience that, although terrible, can be navigated if you want to live and are willing to start over as you are. I needed a friend that I could talk about how I felt during my own crisis, to grieve with, who could listen without telling me to 'get tough'. Grief is so strong an energy. I'm open to skype conversations if you like. Or if you have a friend there to talk about this and talk through the worst parts of each week for awhile, it might help.

 

[grommet]

I taught economics, have a Ph.D. in economics. Jumped from project to project because I'd get bored doing the same things very long. Married 54 years . . to the same great woman. Two children . . . a girl and a boy. Now retired and living the postmodern dream.

May I ask you a silly question? What do you think of Economics U$A, the PBS/Annenberg educational program? I loved every episode and found it fascinating.