Hello Everyone,
My name is Amy and I am recently self-diagnosed with Asperger's at the ripe ol' age of 44! I decided to research and put myself through a battery of tests after I read about some of the symptoms online that matched my own. My son also exhibits the same symptoms and he, too, took the same tests and appears to also have Asperger's.
Honestly, I am still in shock. Behaviors that I thought were uniquely me are now a set of behaviors that belong to a syndrome. My mind is blown. But everything is starting to make sense now.
I have always been considered "odd". Never had more than one friend, if any, my entire life and for the last 10 years, I only have my husband and my 17yo son. I could never figure out why. I always wanted friends. I was always jealous of people who had them. I just never seem to be able to "mesh" with anyone. When I am in social circles, I tend to burn through my list of canned responses of politeness and after that I slowly test the water with my own personality and that is usually when things go south. People just don't like "me", no matter how hard I try or how amicable I try to be. Honestly, I still do not know what I do or say to turn people "off". My guess is it is that I come across as too factual, too logistical, too honest, and cannot connect to anyone on an emotional level. I have been told I come across as "stand-offish" when I stay to the side to observe a new crowd. Sometimes I am Spock. Sometimes Data. So over the years I have learned to limit my social exposure to a max of 1 hour. Any more than that and I tend to be exhausted anyway.
I avoid eye contact. I can force myself to look someone in the eye but it's uncomfortable. I tend to appear submissive and lying when I do that.
I have always been a "Jill-of-All-Trades". I have had many, many various jobs. I get into them, do them well, then get bored and move on. Same with hobbies. I will become obsessed with something for a year or two then get into something else.
Same with moving. I can't stand to stay in one place for more than 2 years. This has proven most problematic the older I get. Part of it is an obsession with the location. Part of it is I burn through "people" and am forever looking for friends. When I can't find them, I want to move somewhere to try a new group of people.
I don't like physical contact. Not a touchy-feely person at all. But I used to fake it for a bit to try and fit in. Now I am old and just don't, unless I feel I am going to offend someone then I will make an attempt to hug someone. I am sure my husband doesn't like this part of me. My son is like me. We tend to "get" each other. Sometimes hugs, sometimes not. I have another daughter who is 15 and doesn't associate with me at all.
I am really, really good at seeing patterns and making connections. I imagine a lot here are as well.
I am a bit OCD. A bit ADD. I like order. I like cleanliness. I am really weird about odors. I am a little weird about texture (like pickles and slimy foods). I am goofy (but only in private). I am creative. I am loving (but I guess I don't show it the same way). I am above intelligence. I am a health-nut. I find switching tasks extremely difficult. Interruptions are a task-killer. I love lists. I love spreadsheets. I love organization. Super sensitive to noises. I am still figuring this all out. I have learned to cope with almost everything except loneliness. I am lonely and fear I always will be.
I have other quirks as well. I am here to find out if they fall under Asperger's.
I have no intention of ever becoming officially diagnosed. The absolute last thing I want is to be discriminated against, especially in the work force. Besides, I don't feel I am "fixable". A psychologist may be able to tell me how to function better in a social situation, but that is just another set of "canned responses"...it would never be who I really am. But I am interested in talking to more people with Asperger's and discovering more about myself and understanding how other people cope.
Thanks for reading.
Amy
My name is Amy and I am recently self-diagnosed with Asperger's at the ripe ol' age of 44! I decided to research and put myself through a battery of tests after I read about some of the symptoms online that matched my own. My son also exhibits the same symptoms and he, too, took the same tests and appears to also have Asperger's.
Honestly, I am still in shock. Behaviors that I thought were uniquely me are now a set of behaviors that belong to a syndrome. My mind is blown. But everything is starting to make sense now.
I have always been considered "odd". Never had more than one friend, if any, my entire life and for the last 10 years, I only have my husband and my 17yo son. I could never figure out why. I always wanted friends. I was always jealous of people who had them. I just never seem to be able to "mesh" with anyone. When I am in social circles, I tend to burn through my list of canned responses of politeness and after that I slowly test the water with my own personality and that is usually when things go south. People just don't like "me", no matter how hard I try or how amicable I try to be. Honestly, I still do not know what I do or say to turn people "off". My guess is it is that I come across as too factual, too logistical, too honest, and cannot connect to anyone on an emotional level. I have been told I come across as "stand-offish" when I stay to the side to observe a new crowd. Sometimes I am Spock. Sometimes Data. So over the years I have learned to limit my social exposure to a max of 1 hour. Any more than that and I tend to be exhausted anyway.
I avoid eye contact. I can force myself to look someone in the eye but it's uncomfortable. I tend to appear submissive and lying when I do that.
I have always been a "Jill-of-All-Trades". I have had many, many various jobs. I get into them, do them well, then get bored and move on. Same with hobbies. I will become obsessed with something for a year or two then get into something else.
Same with moving. I can't stand to stay in one place for more than 2 years. This has proven most problematic the older I get. Part of it is an obsession with the location. Part of it is I burn through "people" and am forever looking for friends. When I can't find them, I want to move somewhere to try a new group of people.
I don't like physical contact. Not a touchy-feely person at all. But I used to fake it for a bit to try and fit in. Now I am old and just don't, unless I feel I am going to offend someone then I will make an attempt to hug someone. I am sure my husband doesn't like this part of me. My son is like me. We tend to "get" each other. Sometimes hugs, sometimes not. I have another daughter who is 15 and doesn't associate with me at all.
I am really, really good at seeing patterns and making connections. I imagine a lot here are as well.
I am a bit OCD. A bit ADD. I like order. I like cleanliness. I am really weird about odors. I am a little weird about texture (like pickles and slimy foods). I am goofy (but only in private). I am creative. I am loving (but I guess I don't show it the same way). I am above intelligence. I am a health-nut. I find switching tasks extremely difficult. Interruptions are a task-killer. I love lists. I love spreadsheets. I love organization. Super sensitive to noises. I am still figuring this all out. I have learned to cope with almost everything except loneliness. I am lonely and fear I always will be.
I have other quirks as well. I am here to find out if they fall under Asperger's.
I have no intention of ever becoming officially diagnosed. The absolute last thing I want is to be discriminated against, especially in the work force. Besides, I don't feel I am "fixable". A psychologist may be able to tell me how to function better in a social situation, but that is just another set of "canned responses"...it would never be who I really am. But I am interested in talking to more people with Asperger's and discovering more about myself and understanding how other people cope.
Thanks for reading.
Amy
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