Just need some self-assurance

[Jonn]

Thank you. I didn't think I posted anything mean or off-the-wall either but according to some people online I might as well have committed murder.

Therapeutic humour:

Spoiler

If you ever do, make sure there aren't any surveillance cameras around first.

 

[Neri]

I do empathize with you @Misty Avich. The popular and media-promoted political climate has alienated me more than once too. I like to think for myself and to some people (not very secure in their own values and beliefs, it seems) that can trigger negative responses. It's actually been one of contributing factors in the development of my agoraphobia, that I'm still battling (lucky, with help).

I've had on and offline disagreements over a range of "hot topics" in the political and media-generated arena. I've learnt to be very quiet about my opinions, in general.

For me, I've always been the sort of person that seems to elicit strong reactions from people. Either I'm really liked or I'm to be avoided and disavowed and written off. That's what it seems like, anyway.

It is hurtful when people take you in a negative way, and no doubt, for you, like for me, it brings up past rejection hurts that just sit there, waiting for us to come to terms with them.

Just remember, people that are mean to you are probably not that well, in their own social emotional abilities and beliefs. They are struggling to accept themselves, more often than not, in my speculation, for what it's worth (probably not much) and thus, they project their own inner intolerance onto you. It's more about them than it is you. They don't even know you, so you can view their opinions as largely uninformed and reactive.

A lot of people are struggling to accept themselves and gain social acceptance. Think back to high school, when we were all so insecure and desperate to be accepted. We probably did and said some silly things to appear "cool" and appear as if we were up with whatever was the "in thing", at the time. It might be not that far off, in terms of how you were treated, as many of us autistic people are very slow to mature (me included).

 

[Jonn]

I like to think for myself and to some people (not very secure in their own values and beliefs, it seems) that can trigger negative responses.

There are ppl who embrace groupthink, and if you don't think the same as they do, you are the enemy.
Some ppl have a collectivist mindset while others embrace individualism.
Traditionally, ppl on the spectrum were thought to lean towards the latter.

I've had on and offline disagreements over a range of "hot topics" in the political and media-generated arena. I've learnt to be very quiet about my opinions, in general.

I have known about friendships being destroyed due to political differences.
Some ppl aren't tolerant of political diversity.

 

[jsilver256]

I had a NT online friend a long time. She taught me to go clothes shopping and how to dress for work and such. She was politically very right wing. She had a long-time live-in partner, which was odd given she was so conservative in her value set.

The same day that gay marriage got legalized, she got married right away because it was in her value set to do so. Then she revealed to me that she was biologically male. I would never have guessed. And I will never treat her differently.

IMO, the situation she is in, is left up to a power that is above me. I certainly don't have any room to complain after being a dumb drunk for so long. Just remember, there's Tiktok and then there's individuals. Individuals post on this forum. Just show the basics of being respectful, and frame your opinions in a way that is clear that you are making it your opinion and not making a generalized statement, and you are fine, IMO.

 

[Jonn]

Just remember, people that are mean to you are probably not that well, in their own social emotional abilities and beliefs. They are struggling to accept themselves, more often than not, in my speculation, for what it's worth (probably not much) and thus, they project their own inner intolerance onto you.

Agreed.
Personal insecurity often goes hand-in-hand with judgmentalism, sanctimony, and general intolerance.

Projection is a major cause of misunderstandings and conflict.
The irony is epic!

 

[Jonn]

Just show the basics of being respectful, and frame your opinions in a way that is clear that you are making it your opinion and not making a generalized statement, and you are fine, IMO.

My philosophy is:
"To each their own."
"Whatever floats your boat."
"One "man's" meat is another's poison."

And when it becomes clear that agreement on a point of view is not possible...

Spoiler

I get my baseball bat out.
Oops, forget I said that.

I suggest we "agree to disagree".

 

[Jonn]

They don't even know you, so you can view their opinions as largely uninformed and reactive.

Ppl don't always attempt to clarify the intent of the other person, and at times, jump to conclusions, possibly due to projection, or the use of simple heuristics.

 

[Misty Avich]

I think what gets me is I noticed on autism sites that people are quick to get offended by stuff I post, yet others can post even worse offensive things and nobody gets offended, instead they support them. And usually their posts are much more blunt, while mine are usually more thought out and carefully explained as not to hurt other people. Sometimes people even find hidden meanings in my posts that aren't even there or even hinted, and then readily jump to the conclusions of me being an insensitive jerk, while I'm sitting there re-reading my posts thinking "but what did I say that was so wrong?" This only happens online, around Aspies.
Frustratingly this contradicts my empathetic skills that I have, but I don't lack empathy.

Being treated differently makes me really anxious for some reason. I get into a bit of a frenzy and can't rest until I have answers or see someone else being treated the same as me. Being treated differently causes paranoia for me because I feel like I'm never a favourite of authority figures or like I don't belong.

 

[jsilver256]

I think what gets me is I noticed on autism sites that people are quick to get offended by stuff I post, yet others can post even worse offensive things and nobody gets offended, instead they support them. And usually their posts are much more blunt, while mine are usually more thought out and carefully explained as not to hurt other people. Sometimes people even find hidden meanings in my posts that aren't even there or even hinted, and then readily jump to the conclusions of me being an insensitive jerk, while I'm sitting there re-reading my posts thinking "but what did I say that was so wrong?" This only happens online, around Aspies.
Frustratingly this contradicts my empathetic skills that I have, but I don't lack empathy.

Any chance this is a perception thing, because I haven't seen this happen to you on the forum or maybe I'm reading the wrong threads? Remember that autism can make us feel attacked even though we aren't.

 

[Misty Avich]

Or if I said something like I wouldn't want to date an autistic man, it would offend everyone, but whenever I've seen others say that on this or the other forum, people just sympathise and give them tips on how to attract NT women or men.

I'm thinking of changing my username to something that automatically helps me get socially accepted by autistic people, because both Misty Avich and the name I had on the other site seem to attract snowflakes, I don't know.

 

[Jonn]

I think what gets me is I noticed on autism sites that people are quick to get offended by stuff I post, yet others can post even worse offensive things and nobody gets offended, instead they support them.

Double standards and favouritism are difficult to accept.

Sometimes people even find hidden meanings in my posts that aren't even there or even hinted, and then readily jump to the conclusions

Projection and insecurities are a major problem, yes.
The number of times I got attacked when agreeing with someone. <sigh>
That is why I often say "Agreed" before anything else.
Many ppl expect to be attacked due to prior experiences and this influences their mindset and causes misunderstandings.

 

[Jonn]

Any chance this is a perception thing, because I haven't seen this happen to you on the forum or maybe I'm reading the wrong threads? Remember that autism can make us feel attacked even though we aren't.

Misty and I have been to other websites together.
Believe us, this is not in our imagination.

 

[Misty Avich]

Double standards and favouritism are difficult to accept.

Yes it jolly well is lol. I have a really hard time accepting it or getting over it.

Projection and insecurities are a major problem, yes.
The number of times I got attacked when agreeing with someone. <sigh>
That is why I often say "Agreed" before anything else.
Many ppl expect to be attacked due to prior experiences and this influences their mindset and causes misunderstandings.

One time on a forum I got told I lacked empathy because I was trying to kindly talk someone out of suicide. When people threaten to commit suicide it's usually a cry for help and the best thing to do is to not encourage it but to give them all the love, compassion and encouragement you can. If that ain't empathy then I don't know what is.

 

[Jonn]

Yes it jolly well is lol. I have a really hard time accepting it or getting over it.

I've noticed.

 

[Jonn]

When people threaten to commit suicide it's usually a cry for help and the best thing to do is to not encourage it but to give them all the love, compassion and encouragement you can.

How dare you, you beast!

 

[Misty Avich]

It's when people say that empathy word, just makes me want to flip in the air with rage. That word has powers.

 

[Jonn]

It's when people say that empathy word, just makes me want to flip in the air with rage. That word has powers.

Don't we all have triggers?

 

[Misty Avich]

Don't we all have triggers?

Yeah I guess.

 

[jsilver256]

Misty and I have been to other websites together.
Believe us, this is not in our imagination.

Understood, I believe you.

 

[Jonn]

I can do two friendships at once between people who don't like each other. That's not really a bad thing, is it?

No, it isn't.

But I'm not going to hold a grudge against him for it, because it's his life and I can't dictate who he should and shouldn't be talking to, even though I do feel a little hurt.

Agreed.

But people aren't going to stop talking to others who are nice to them just because they bullied me. I'm just hoping he'll come back here and chat to me again some time.

Sometimes there are just personality clashes.
Ppl who expect perfection will be disappointed.
"Such is life." <shrug>