Lack of Empathy: Trait of Autism?

[Fino]

And there are man-made mental illnesses through electronic harassment.

Are you referring to cyber bullying?

 

[Gift2humanity]

I would think it was personal seeing as he was your ex. There's nothing to explain about exes. Romance very often leads to complete and utter disaster.

Am I to take this reply that something about me made him behave cruelly, like I bring out evil in people?

 

[Gift2humanity]

I have always maintained that love makes people crazy/irrational.
BTW, Falling in love is a choice better left unchosen. lol

There are plenty of healthy couples with long-term relationships.

 

[Jonn]

Are you referring to cyber bullying?

Beyond cyberbullying, if you want to venture into "The Twighlight Zone".

 

[Jonn]

Am I to take this reply that something about me made him behave cruelly, like I bring out evil in people?

I think Fino is referring to the fact that a breakup often creates vindictiveness.
As I said, being in love makes people crazy, and that follows through into the breakup.

Here is the problem:
Being in love creates a sense of personal meaning in a person's life.
This feeling is one of the most powerful emotions there is.
Taking it away is like denying a meth addict their fix.
After all, think about what causes "love".

The feeling of "love" is the result of a chemical reaction in the brain.
"Oxytocin" is called "The Love Drug" for a reason.
People become addicted to this feeling, and when they are deprived of it, all hell can break loose. EEP!

I wouldn't take what Fino said personally.
I am a very good judge of character.
I know Fino is a very decent and considerate individual.

 

[MR TV]

Most of the time, it is cognitive empathy that is more the issue when it comes to autism,...the ability to "read" people, the ability to "understand" another's perspective without specifically asking.

There are different types of empathy. Emotional empathy,...the ability to cry or laugh with someone is generally not affected in autistics.

https://embrace-autism.com/the-different-types-of-empathy/
Having said that, what you are describing is more of an emotional state,...anxiety, frustration, anger, etc.,...and when emotions are involved, it tends to inhibit the "logic" centers, irrational thinking ensues, and communication centers are also inhibited. That's why people are often relagated to cursing, not being able to complete a thought, nor a
sentence, and turn into "blubbering idiots". All of that,...is not "an autism thing",...that's a normal human thing.

The better question is to understand the underlying reasons for the emotions.

Yes, my therapist has gotten me to practice "reading" people and it's done me a world of good. I think I am now in the same social reality as everyone else, whereas before I was kind of in my own space and I was missing a lot of what was going on. I've also missed a lot of opportunities, there have been situations where hot looking chicks were coming on to me and I didn't understand what was going on, so I missed out on an oppurtunity for an affair with a really good looking chick. This has happened many times, very frustrating. I've also been offered raises and promotions in my profession, and I didn't pick up on what the other person was saying, so I didn't get the promotion. I feel like now, I'm in the same social reality as everyone else and hopefully I won't miss out on any more opportunities!

 

[Jonn]

There are plenty of healthy couples with long-term relationships.

There is usually a honeymoon period in a romantic/platonic loving relationship.
The chemical reactions in the brain as a result of the first blossoming of "love" is overwhelmingly strong, however.

For example, I travelled over 1,200 kilometres (round trip) to simply deposit a letter to the person I was in love with in a letterbox without seeing her. She could tell it was deposited locally by the postmark.

Was this something I would have done on a weekly basis?
Hardly. lol
But it shows the strength of the type of crazy involved in being in love, especially in the honeymoon period.

The love honeymoon period, the intensity of feelings, never lasts, as Raj's father explained in "The Big Bang Theory", lol, but bonding often does continue in a healthy relationship.

This feeling of connection is what oxytocin was "designed" to do.
It creates an emotional bond between people and is accentuated through skin-to-skin contact, so if you want that bond to develop, take off those pyjamas or at least the socks when you get involved in any hanky-panky.

While the honeymoon period never lasts, the relationship is capable of continued affection through physical and psychological connections and common goal orientation, such as raising a family or purchasing a house together.

Should I mention that most marriages/defacto-relationships fail?
I think not.
Let the ideal fantasy live on untainted by the realities of life.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I think Fino is referring to the fact that a breakup often creates vindictiveness.
As I said, being in love makes people crazy, and that follows through into the breakup.

Here is the problem:
Being in love creates a sense of personal meaning in a person's life.
This feeling is one of the most powerful emotions there is.
Taking it away is like denying a meth addict their fix.
After all, think about what causes "love".

The feeling of "love" is the result of a chemical reaction in the brain.
"Oxytocin" is called "The Love Drug" for a reason.
People become addicted to this feeling, and when they are deprived of it, all hell can break loose. EEP!

I wouldn't take what Fino said personally.
I am a very good judge of character.
I know Fino is a very decent and considerate individual.

He wasn't in love with me, he was an opportunist looking for sex which he never got.
I have feelings for him still, but they will have to fade as I blocked him.
One of the cruel things, (not the cruelest) was to deliberately leave me out of conversations, knowing I struggle socially especially with being excluded, as he knows I was excluded in the past.
I often talked about feeling left out when we were seeing each other.
No offence to @Fino

 

[Jonn]

He wasn't in love with me, he was an opportunist looking for sex which he never got.
I have feelings for him still, but they will have to fade as I blocked him.
One of the cruel things, (not the cruelest) was to deliberately leave me out of conversations, knowing I struggle socially especially with being excluded, as he knows I was excluded in the past.
I often talked about feeling left out when we were seeing each other.
No offence to @Fino

Oh, I see.
So he wanted to be a friend with benefits.
Frustration based anger can be bad also.

He is a bit thick if he couldn't work out that if he wanted intimacies, he needed to play nice.

 

[Gift2humanity]

Oh, I see.
So he wanted to be a friend with benefits.
Frustration based anger can be bad also.

He is a bit thick if he couldn't work out that if he wanted intimacies, he needed to play nice.

He's not thick, very devious.
He's got a woman living with him. I didn't know.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Yes, my therapist has gotten me to practice "reading" people and it's done me a world of good. I think I am now in the same social reality as everyone else, whereas before I was kind of in my own space and I was missing a lot of what was going on. I've also missed a lot of opportunities, there have been situations where hot looking chicks were coming on to me and I didn't understand what was going on, so I missed out on an oppurtunity for an affair with a really good looking chick. This has happened many times, very frustrating. I've also been offered raises and promotions in my profession, and I didn't pick up on what the other person was saying, so I didn't get the promotion. I feel like now, I'm in the same social reality as everyone else and hopefully I won't miss out on any more opportunities!

Agree. It takes practice.

Keep in mind, the mental exercise of perspective taking,...at least for me,...requires conscious effort,...it does not come naturally. It is not intuitive. I am doing a lot better from behind a computer screen with my responses than I was even a year ago,...but I can pause, type, edit, etc.,...things you can't often do face-to-face. I am also doing better during face-to-face conversations and listening to others,...what they are saying,...how they are saying it,...picking up their "thinking errors" and trying not to do the same. I continue to have difficulties with all the subtleties of micro expressions and body language, I catch myself avoiding eye contact, and continue to not be able to time my verbal responses during a group conversation. It is more the group conversation thing where I am so focused upon myself being able to slip in my statements, that sometimes I am not consciously thinking about context and perspective, and end up saying things in ways that I might not want. It takes a higher level of mental energy to be in a group conversation, whilst also taking pause to pick up on all the subtle non-verbal language, think about other people's context and perspective, recognize their thinking errors if they have any, and then smoothly slip in your thoughts whilst appearing somewhat intelligent. That is still a work in progress.

 

[Jonn]

He's not thick, very devious.
He's got a woman living with him. I didn't know.

Ignoring your need for inclusion while expecting/desiring amorous attention sounds like the very definition of "thick" to me. lol

 

[Ken]

I think that lack of empathy is not a symptom of autism. I say that because I am autistic and my sense of empathy is almost extreme.

Almost all of the people that I know who posses an almost total lack of empathy are not autistic.

I think that empathy is a personal trait and that people are people. Meaning that anyone can have or not have empathy. I do understand, however, that autistic people have social difficulties that are often misinterpreted as a lack of empathy.

 

[Gift2humanity]

Ignoring your need for inclusion while expecting/desiring amorous attention sounds like the very definition of "thick" to me. lol

It was me who wanted the attention.
I remember having an argument about him not letting me come to his house, and me wanting to know why.He said the argument was a "Stressful mess" and aggravated his epilepsy, he did not tell me a woman was living there, who used to be his ex. I think she just wouldn't let him do degrading stuff, he wanted me to. I think they probs have an open relationship.

 

[Progster]

If you were really lacking in empathy, you wouldn't have made this thread.

That's because in making the thread, you show a self awareness and concern for how you come across to others, and how you may be treating others. A person truly lacking in empathy just wouldn't care.

 

[Aspychata]

Most of the time l have what l need.
I don't want to visit the dark side of the moon so l have conformed to society's norms. I just follow simple rules. I try to have empathy but l am aware of others who may use this against you. Sometimes you can't show this.
Appearing stone face in jobs really is for the best sometimes.

 

[Jonn]

It was me who wanted the attention.
I remember having an argument about him not letting me come to his house, and me wanting to know why.He said the argument was a "Stressful mess" and aggravated his epilepsy, he did not tell me a woman was living there, who used to be his ex. I think she just wouldn't let him do degrading stuff, he wanted me to. I think they probs have an open relationship.

This does not sound like a match made in heaven.
I am glad you moved on.

 

[Jonn]

Most of the time l have what l need.
I don't want to visit the dark side of the moon so l have conformed to society's norms. I just follow simple rules. I try to have empathy but l am aware of others who may use this against you. Sometimes you can't show this.
Appearing stone face in jobs really is for the best sometimes.

I eventually solved the problem with people.
I have become an urban recluse and now there is so little stress in my life.
Bliss. <sigh>