Learning how to text !!

[mellowriot]

Hi there,
So I joined this site specifically with the goal of learning how to communicate with girls.. now in person, I have little to no trouble, well, I can manage? , I have, I guess developed a set of rules or algorithms that help me navigate a conversation (that is of course including MANY MANY MANY if's) and generally in person, rejection is a bit easier. Now, none of this applies to a text conversation. I suck at these! I cannot tell intentions at all. I cannot understand the use of language, at all! if the girl isn't engaging, by her own will, I just don't know how to create any want? in her, is maybe the thing I'm trying to say? I don't know.

so maybe we could I don't know, analyze these messages and decipher what it is thats going on in them. because I swear, I have no clue.

Me:
that pic you posted is just wow

white girls with dark lipstick drive me wild, you look gorgeous.

I must admit, I think I might feel a little lucky that I found you

her:
thank you awww

me:
oh and I passed by your writing account, your poems are becoming a story all of their own. I like it.

have any idea whats going to happen next?

Is the main character going to be lucky in love or let down?

her:
we shall find out

me:
haha fair enough

so today I bought a camera, I'm 1 step closer to that yt channel / podcast that I always talk about but never get around to doing lol

how was your life today?

**silence**

so yeah, the best thing I could think of is that she never asked me if I bought a camera or not, so why am I telling her this. where as I was hoping to maybe get her to say something vulnerable about her day. maybe something like "oh today I finally got around to doing such and such too".. thats the way I picture text conversations working.. which I guess isn't how they actually work?

 

[Streetwise]

Hi there,
So I joined this site specifically with the goal of learning how to communicate with girls.. now in person, I have little to no trouble, well, I can manage? , I have, I guess developed a set of rules or algorithms that help me navigate a conversation (that is of course including MANY MANY MANY if's) and generally in person, rejection is a bit easier. Now, none of this applies to a text conversation. I suck at these! I cannot tell intentions at all. I cannot understand the use of language, at all! if the girl isn't engaging, by her own will, I just don't know how to create any want? in her, is maybe the thing I'm trying to say? I don't know.

so maybe we could I don't know, analyze these messages and decipher what it is thats going on in them. because I swear, I have no clue.

Me:
that pic you posted is just wow

white girls with dark lipstick drive me wild, you look gorgeous.

I must admit, I think I might feel a little lucky that I found you

her:
thank you awww

me:
oh and I passed by your writing account, your poems are becoming a story all of their own. I like it.

have any idea whats going to happen next?

Is the main character going to be lucky in love or let down?

her:
we shall find out

me:
haha fair enough

so today I bought a camera, I'm 1 step closer to that yt channel / podcast that I always talk about but never get around to doing lol

how was your life today?

**silence**

so yeah, the best thing I could think of is that she never asked me if I bought a camera or not, so why am I telling her this. where as I was hoping to maybe get her to say something vulnerable about her day. maybe something like "oh today I finally got around to doing such and such too".. thats the way I picture text conversations working.. which I guess isn't how they actually work?

People want to talk about theirselves,got to be honest never sent a text as long as that.
I used to do one or two lines if that! which communicated everything I want to say and then I was finished
I'd be more interested in seeing the camera ! not reading about it in a text ,I understand pictures more than words

 

[mellowriot]

that girl has since then gone completely silent on me.

I have since meet two other girls online. I have made plans to hook up with both of them, which is the easy part. The hard part is shutting the fvck up until the day comes.

Girl A hasn't talked to me for 3 days. We had plans, but during a text conversation I revealed that I am a "right wing conservative". I should've known better than to share this with a pink haired girl. She wasn't immediately turned off, but I made the comment that I should "quit while I was ahead." Maybe she wanted to keep talking about things? Maybe try to understand my point of view? But I thought the safest thing to do was to stop talking, to not mess things up any further. And well, thats the last I've heard from her.

Girl B, well we were having one of those 'deep' conversations over text, her idea, to see if we could 'vibe' before we met. She didn't answer my last long text, instead said she couldn't because she was busy. I said it was fine, that we should save these talks for when we saw each other. The day after I texted with a new subject, I asked "everyone has a childhood scar tied to a good story, whats yours?", nothing. I haven't followed it up with anything. Thinking it'd be the best thing.

but it sucks to go from very intriguing conversations to long empty lonely days. I try to keep myself busy, but I kind of feed off of peoples energy to do anything. I never have any energy of my own.

either way the art of talking; I just can't seem to master it.

 

[Bolletje]

My 2 cents: you're coming on way too strong.
If someone I haven't met yet tells me my photo drives them wild, that would make me very uncomfortable.
If someone I haven't met yet tells me they read all my poetry, that would make me very uncomfortable.
And so on. Many of us engage in mild social media binging when we're interested in someone, but you're not supposed to let the other person know you've been through all their old photos.

And as for other messages before the date: keep it light. No politics. The occasional "hey, how are you today?" is okay, but don't overdo it on those either as you'll just seem desperate for attention.

If I understood your message correctly you're just looking for hookups, but that still requires you to not scare people off.

 

[mellowriot]

If someone I haven't met yet tells me they read all my poetry, that would make me very uncomfortable.

The poetry was actually how we connected.. it also gave me excuses for opening lines. I think its the whole talking too much which screws me over..

Many of us engage in mild social media binging when we're interested in someone, but you're not supposed to let the other person know you've been through all their old photos.

Yeah.. I've noticed since then :/

Wish there was a solid, hard, and fast set of rules which governed all of communication. But from what I gather: every single socioeconomic sphere, & sub-culture carries its own set of topics which it finds interesting. and I just can't tap into what ever these specific things are. and I can't "just talk about the things I like" because well, with my long hair and tie dye shirts, I attract hippies and liberals, and I have to cater to them. Open up with things like "I'm a libra etc.. " you know, things I really don't care much about... whenever I'm like "America first" I never get a "**** yeah!!" as a response. overall. I'm getting the notion, that when I text people, I should text as little as possible.


thanks ! I will try to talk about me as little as possible.. although, the urge to do so is always going to be there, at least for the near future..

Im guessing I'm supposed to say interesting random & funny things

 

[mellowriot]

I just know, I can't function when I feel lonely.

I feed off of the energy I get when someone talks to me.

 

[Bolletje]

Unwritten rules of communication are hard. I learned through trial and a lot of error, that I tend to say too much as well. I never connected with potential hookups through apps or the internet though, so I have no advice for that specifically.

 

[mellowriot]

thanks! Meeting people online is new to me too. I'm kind of forced to; I go to school in the morning and work in the evening. This is currently a very lonely period of my life. I haven't even had a drink with friends in months!

 

[Bolletje]

That is tricky, I know the feeling. Leave home really early, come home late, no energy left for social interaction. So eat, sleep, work, repeat, and try to keep in touch with people via text and internet.
I hope these forums help you out a little in the way of socializing, as I don't have a lot of useful advice otherwise

 

[Shiznown]

You're wasting your time. Women online talk to about 20 guys at a time and will just stop talking to you, no matter how well the conversation goes. I have seen the same women on dating sites for years. It's honestly just better not to bother.

 

[kay]

You are going to need to attract and interact with women who hold similar values. I'm generally considered a Liberal (though some people on the Left seem to have went so far to the Left that they are now on the Right and I suppose the reverse may be true as well. Labels are confusing) and wouldn't see the point in pursuing any sorta relationship with someone on the Right so far from my political and social views. It would seem pointless. Just arguments waiting to happen. A ticking time bomb. I doubt many women are looking for conflict, they are looking for similar minded men who they might be able to converse with without worry.

 

[Shiznown]

You are going to need to attract and interact with women who hold similar values. I'm generally considered a Liberal (though some people on the Left seem to have went so far to the Left that they are now on the Right and I suppose the reverse may be true as well. Labels are confusing) and wouldn't see the point in pursuing any sorta relationship with someone on the Right so far from my political and social views. It would seem pointless. Just arguments waiting to happen. A ticking time bomb. I doubt many women are looking for conflict, they are looking for similar minded men who they might be able to converse with without worry.

Hence, why I'm single in my area. If you're not a hardcore liberal, women hate you. Oh, you like guns and the constitution, how evil! Even though I'm against the drug war.

 

[Shiznown]

Examples of what I've seen online. "If you voted for Trump, don't bother.", "I'm a feminist and I only date feminists, egalitarians piss me off.", "I'm really not into cis gender males, so if you're cis gender, you'll really have to convince me.", "If you're not attracted to trans people, you're trans-phobic plain and simple"

 

[Shiznown]

Basically what Kay is telling you without realizing is, if you're not liberal, you're better off pretending to be.

 

[kay]

Basically what Kay is telling you without realizing is, if you're not liberal, you're better off pretending to be.

No, just saying it's best to look for people with common views. I'm a rather old-fashioned sorta Liberal by-the-way (more like the 60+ year old people I associate with even though I'm 45) I have to be ever so careful in conversing with views very different than mine because certain topics are rather problematic. No one should be pretending anything, honesty is best even if it means fewer choices.

 

[kay]

Hence, why I'm single in my area. If you're not a hardcore liberal, women hate you. Oh, you like guns and the constitution, how evil! Even though I'm against the drug war.

Where do you live? Not Missouri I'm guessing.

 

[Shiznown]

No, just saying it's best to look for people with common views. I'm a rather old-fashioned sorta Liberal by-the-way (more like the 60+ year old people I associate with even though I'm 45) I have to be ever so careful in conversing with views very different than mine because certain topics are rather problematic. No one should be pretending anything, honesty is best even if it means fewer choices.

Even when it means no choices at all?

 

[Shiznown]

Where do you live? Not Missouri I'm guessing.

Maryland. I would LOVE to live in Missouri for the laws and low cost of housing alone.

 

[kay]

Maryland. I would LOVE to live in Missouri for the laws and low cost of housing alone.

You would find plenty of women in this state with loads of guns, conservative politics, Trump supporting, ect...Nothing rare. It's the liberals who are uncommon here. I think I may have already met everyone in town who would be classified as liberal.

 

[kay]

Even when it means no choices at all?

I would go that way myself. Better no relationship than pure misery.