Listened to my voice on a recording

[Zain]

It seems to be a rather unnatural thing that we can all hear the sound of our voices and see our images in photos, videos, or recordings. Hearing our voice echo through a stone cave or catching our reflection in still water makes sense, but this ability to see and hear ourselves in high definition now is strange for the brain to process.

The act of saying things and doing things seems, to me, like it should be an ephemeral thing. Not something that is documented in such a way that we can replay it, analyze it, and overthink it.

I am sharing this idea because I, too, was horrified by the sound of my own voice when I was younger and it made me become very quiet for a very long time. Seeing too many images and videos of myself does the same thing - paralyzes me with terrible self consciousness.

It's better for me to not focus too much on how I look to others and remain focused on how I feel from within. I want to feel free and authentic when I speak and I don't need one more reason to be critical and self loathing. If my voice sounds weird, so be it. That is something I can accept because it is my own unique voice.

I think I'm starting to agree. Although, I will experiment with my voice over the next few weeks just to if I can improve my flow.
Also, I thought that was pretty interesting as well. I think the mirror was invented in the late 1870s? So I think it definitely is unnatural to have as much awareness of ourselves as we have nowadays. I've started to cut-down on mirrors, etc and replaced what I think is good with external reactions from my environment. I think this is the natural way of living. This has already removed some significant insecurities from my head.

 

[Zain]

Exactly. The phenomenon occurs because of bone conduction. If you take your fingers and plug your ears, then speak, you can still hear yourself. The sound is not coming from outside, but rather inside. So, when you are speaking normally, you hear a combination of inside and outside sound. When you are listening to a recording of yourself, you hear only the outside sound.

The way your voice sounds to you while you speak, and what others hear, are two different things.

Now, don't get me started on photographs or videos of myself. Ugh.

Ah. This makes sense.
I definitely need to work on my speech, then. I noticed that some of what I say is lost in my communication, which I was confused by since I sound eloquent to myself. I think this is a common issue with us, in fact.

 

[Levitat0r]

Honestly, I feel very unsettled. I was like "Is this really what I've sounded like my entire life?". I thought that I sounded 'normal', but I sound awful, very off-putting and nasally. I feel like never speaking again. In the next few hours, whenever I've had to use my voice, I've been very quiet and gave only one word answers. My confidence has taken a huge blow.
I don't really know what I'm asking for here. Any input would be appreciated - surely someone can relate and give advice.

I was just discussing basically the same topic, as to self-perception versus the perceptions of others. It's actually very common, even among the normal folks, to be startled at the difference between one's recorded voice, and what one hears internally. That starts from the matter of acoustics, because what other people hear from you passed through the air, but what you hear was also largely transmitted to your ears by your own anatomy.

John Lennon was very successful musically, and he was not a tenor at all. I think if you want to get comfortable with your voice, you should take up singing, which is something that I did. It imparts a lot of confidence, and you begin to use your voice like an instrument for its tonality and flow, which is what other people already do less consciously and less intentionally. I don't think it will ever make me come off normal, but I do feel more expressive, and I'm content with that. I spent most of my life with a Milton From Office Space voice, because I think that is generally where you wind up after a lifetime of being physically beaten down. I would get told that I was effeminate a lot growing up, so the end result is that you wind up conditioned with a low, guttural voice, and it ends up monotone and expressionless, because society says that emotions are for girls. To be specific, you're being discriminated against, and that's why you end up that way, and not because there's anything wrong with you. Singing helped me tremendously with that, and it helped me realize that the trauma I was living with was not my natural voice.

 

[Cutesie]

No. But recently my sister ended up telling me that she felt embarrassed to be around me, and we're not close at all anymore. This issue links with that event.

Whether it was a good idea or not, it may have taken some courage for your sister to share those feelings. She is trying to communicate something that she is likely embarrassed and ashamed about. I'm writing as someone who often feels resentment towards a more-disabled sibling, and who feels terrible when I feel that way.

 

[Zain]

I was just discussing basically the same topic, as to self-perception versus the perceptions of others. It's actually very common, even among the normal folks, to be startled at the difference between one's recorded voice, and what one hears internally. That starts from the matter of acoustics, because what other people hear from you passed through the air, but what you hear was also largely transmitted to your ears by your own anatomy.

John Lennon was very successful musically, and he was not a tenor at all. I think if you want to get comfortable with your voice, you should take up singing, which is something that I did. It imparts a lot of confidence, and you begin to use your voice like an instrument for its tonality and flow, which is what other people already do less consciously and less intentionally. I don't think it will ever make me come off normal, but I do feel more expressive, and I'm content with that. I spent most of my life with a Milton From Office Space voice, because I think that is generally where you wind up after a lifetime of being physically beaten down. I would get told that I was effeminate a lot growing up, so the end result is that you wind up conditioned with a low, guttural voice, and it ends up monotone and expressionless, because society says that emotions are for girls. To be specific, you're being discriminated against, and that's why you end up that way, and not because there's anything wrong with you. Singing helped me tremendously with that, and it helped me realize that the trauma I was living with was not my natural voice.

I think perhaps my issue is related to non-tonal languages. Something similar to singing I'm doing is learning Mandarin. Mandarin uses tones. I can feel much more comfortable with speaking in this second language because I don't have to think of various aspects, only the information that I need to get across. Of course, I'm aware that I'm only 1 month and a half in and similar issues could arise later, though. When I speak English, I still don't understand when I need to intonate, and when I do attempt it, I don't know how it is coming across (unless I'm saying only one word). It's really only with comedy and jokes I can understand the practical usage of intonation in English.

Whether it was a good idea or not, it may have taken some courage for your sister to share those feelings. She is trying to communicate something that she is likely embarrassed and ashamed about. I'm writing as someone who often feels resentment towards a more-disabled sibling, and who feels terrible when I feel that way.

It's an issue when you criticise someone and then refuse to elaborate when requested to do so. She's criticised my behaviour in the past, and I've changed if she's been able to persuade me. Now I'm thinking it is me as a whole she's criticising, not one thing.

 

[Levitat0r]

I think perhaps my issue is related to non-tonal languages. Something similar to singing I'm doing is learning Mandarin. Mandarin uses tones. I can feel much more comfortable with speaking in this second language because I don't have to think of various aspects, only the information that I need to get across. Of course, I'm aware that I'm only 1 month and a half in and similar issues could arise later, though. When I speak English, I still don't understand when I need to intonate, and when I do attempt it, I don't know how it is coming across (unless I'm saying only one word). It's really only with comedy and jokes I can understand the practical usage of intonation in English.

It's an issue when you criticise someone and then refuse to elaborate when requested to do so. She's criticised my behaviour in the past, and I've changed if she's been able to persuade me. Now I'm thinking it is me as a whole she's criticising, not one thing.

Well, I think what I'm getting at is that if my previous style was more like a typewriter font, singing can make your speaking more like cursive. You are more aware of the flow and the emotional content. And maybe you're not going to sing a melody, but you become more aware of the feel that the sound is conveying. It's a sad irony that the same people who crush your spirit because they dislike your expressions are the ones who will suggest that you are monotone, so obviously, you are a robot. It's typical.

 

[Levitat0r]

Well, I think what I'm getting at is that if my previous style was more like a typewriter font, singing can make your speaking more like cursive. You are more aware of the flow and the emotional content. And maybe you're not going to sing a melody, but you become more aware of the feel that the sound is conveying. It's a sad irony that the same people who crush your spirit because they dislike your expressions are the ones who will suggest that you are monotone, so obviously, you are a robot. It's typical.

Also, long before I decided that I have significant autism, I had a friend who was actually diagnosed on disability, and shockingly enough, I found him to be a largely normal person. The only thing that did stand out about him was a kind of tired or labored quality when he spoke, and I gradually realized I'm exactly the same way, especially when I started speaking up and trying to be more expressive. You can hear the effort involved; we are people who exert ourselves to communicate, that is our normal, and meanwhile the rest of the wold is merely unimpressed that we would have trouble with something "simple". Oh well.