That's the thing, social communication is often about conveying emotional states, not words. Often the words are just a vehicle for that emotional message (ememe) and not even important.
That's a major difference in the way we tend to communicate versus the way most other people do - we use words, but they use ememes - emotional messages or words that convey a second social meaning which they consciously, or subconsciously, interpret. It's the norm. So even when what we say contains no such message, they are looking for one and may well interpret one that wasn't there or intended.
… and, in my experience, they often can’t or won’t explain what they mean. It’s almost taken as unreasonable facetiousness to even ask.
The reason I know how to do social quite well now (better, in some ways, than many of my NT acquaintances) is because I had someone at a previous job put some serious time into explaining what people were probably thinking when they said certain things, and how to respond. I owe that person a great deal.
That said, it’s also likely that my masking so well is what has led to my being continually exhausted for around a decade. So I suppose, on balance, it’s about 50/50 good and bad. LOL.
Most people won’t explain - and they definitely won’t answer the question ‘how do I come across?’ or ‘what kind of person do you think I am?’. So I feel like I’m left a bit blind, otherwise. The world often isn’t set up for us to actually manage to learn this stuff.
Oh, and I’m better at social stuff than a lot of the NT’s I know because I learned it as a skill - and because I don’t have that emotional subtext that affects how I interact with people. I don’t have grumpy moods or self-interested motives. I’m not dishonest, in general. Mostly, I’ve been told I’m a calming presence - even when I’m feeling overwhelmed - because I’m putting it on like a mask, not feeling it in myself.
Makes me a good manager - very emotionally level, very easy to build trust in. It’s ironic, really.
