I've been pondering this for a while now, and I've come to the conclusion that while I do love my boyfriend and wish I were able to live in harmony with him, it seems as unrealistic a wish as tying pillowcases to my arms and jumping out the window hoping I'll manage to fly.
My need for quietness, a certain routine and alone time is just so strong that it is incompatible with being a live-in girlfriend or wife. And it's really me, not him: I've tried to put myself in the other perspective, and I think it would be perceived as very cruel for anyone, even if they understand why I need this much space and me-time, to ask of them that they agree to leave me alone, let me sleep alone, cook alone, all while avoiding things that can make me snap or meltdown (and let's be honest here, I snap all the time. And if I try to control that, then I have a meltdown from suppressing too much of everything).
So I've been thinking perhaps we should go back to living apart; and this has nothing to do with going on a break or anything --turns out, he also prefers living on his own. He works from home, and living with me has affected his work pretty badly. In addition to that, he has somewhat similar needs to me in terms of space, alone time, and noise, except his is he must have noise around him at all times. (Side note: I can "scan" people as most of us probably do, and figure out fairly quickly if they're NTs or Aspies. Him? I can't. He's either an NT with an unusual number of, umm, traits, or an Aspie who has found the Rosetta Stone to reading people & expressions, and detecting manipulation). So we both feel it would be better to go back to 1 couple, 2 places if we want to stay together, otherwise we're just going to carry on being 2 raging balls of frustration, and nothing good will come out of this. We're very similar in our "mating for life approach", so that's not a concern to either one of us. We're also too set in our ways (and old, but that's him, not me) for thinking that any amount of therapy would help us be more tolerant of having someone sharing our space. Oddly enough, I think this reinforces the idea that we're soulmates (and I'm everything but the romantic type, trust me).
Have any of you ever considered or gone through things like that? I was thinking maybe some of you would have a constructive opinion that wouldn't sound like "umm, sweetie, you're doing this wrong, this is not how couples work".
I know there's no way I'm going to get sound advice or insight from the few NT friends I have, they're mostly people my age desperately trying to find someone, or people on the verge of break up, so either way, they would project their couple issues on me. Plus, no way super conformists will ever admit that maybe a different lifestyle is a smart choice.
So you all are pretty much the only people I can turn to.
