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Losing friends over time?

One thing I realized about friendships is that NTs among NTs and probably even aspies view friendships differently. Many aspies seem to want close friendships immediately and possibly be "too eager" or just may expect the attention and not do the "work possibly. Many NTs are picky and only want people who are interested in what they are interested in, no matter how good of a friend you really are. Some people, mostly NTs, will go by what sex you are, maybe race, maybe even age, things not really under your control or anyone's. Some NTs and aspies are flexible and more open-minded, and some not so much. What we need to realize is that we need to try to find something that works for us, and realize that connections are going to be harder for us, but not impossible. It's not always your fault, but it's good to always look at yourself. Some people "get by" by having different friends for different activities. If you can't have that go-to friend for just about everything, online is your next best option. Good luck in your ventures all, and I hope this helps.
 
I forgot to add that you also have some NTs who discriminate by region. If they plan on moving or know you're moving, they don't care how good of a friend you are. They figure a long distance friendship will just not do. They are not likely to honest about this, or it's not a big deal to them when it may be a big deal for many of us. Thing is, things get so complicated that you can't think of every possibility, or even if you can, you wouldn't want to ask most people that, or at least not all at once because most people would get overwhelmed and turned off including possibly people in our realms.
 
I have found that NTs sometimes like to be around people they can "read". I myself prefer not to try and "read" people but to understand people. When an NT can't read facial expressions or body language, it concerns them. They become afraid of the unknown. They have a hard time building trust. This is not the aspie's fault. This is just the way of many NTs. I enjoy the fact that I have to ask and clarify in order to understand someone, rather than assuming I know what they are thinking by looking at their face. There is this book I love called "The Four Agreements" I feel many aspie's live by these agreements already, and that if NTs started to change and live up to these "guidelines" that there would be a lot more understanding in this world.

Google Image Result for http://crossfitcetro.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/the_four_agreements.jpg
 
I've lost quite a few friends over time without even realizing it. I recently disclosed my AS to one of those ex-friends and it actually did help. She said she had no hard feelings and we've kind of kept in contact over Facebook for the last month or so. I still don't think I was wrong in the reasons I chose to stop talking to her, but I realized that I hold grudges for way too long over stuff that doesn't matter anymore.
 
Hey dream eagle my name is kade vilbig I'm a 22 year old with Asperger's and I felt the same way at one point in college and my roommate gave me a good piece of advice. Yes friends come and go but if you really want to stay friends take the initiative to stay in touch and do things together. My roommates high school and childhood friends are about 200 miles away so he plays Xbox live with them and talks with them weekly over the phone. When my friend Pablo and brittney moved away I was sad but I stayed in contact with them over Facebook texting and phone calls. Calls your friend up and see how he or she is doing then try and find a time to hang out and do something.
 
I think that it can be difficult, in general, for folks to maintain friendships throughout their adulthood. Everyone becomes so busy with work, family, and everything else going on that taking time to sit down together is less common. It may have been convenient when you lived together on a campus or went to the same gym, but not so much later.

I do feel that it's even more challenging for those with aspergers though. Sometimes friendships just fade out and I don't give it much thought until one day I'm like, 'gosh I used to be so close with so-and-so, what happened?' and then trying to reconnect tends to not work out because somehow it's different now. Again, I think this most often happens when a common factor is removed and we're now living very different lives.

I've also lost friends due to odd misunderstandings, often revolving around people I choose to date. No, I didn't steal any of their boyfriends! But for some reason, people often like to drive a wedge between myself and whom I date. I think they just like stirring up drama... and it works. It's like... dating is hard enough for me as it is... why are you making it worse?! But I think that this is their own mental hangups getting in the way. Losing those friends hurts though because in situations like that, you discover that certain people were never true friends.

At this point, for lack of trust, I don't allow myself to get close to anyone. This kind of turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy where refusing to let anyone in leads to lack of strong friendships. I suppose I'll try again someday, but right now keeping the people around me at arms-length seems more palatable.
 
Maybe they were never really your friends in the first place. I have experienced this too
 
This is something I've experienced a lot and honestly I think I'm the problem. Usually people who I haven't seen for a while are quite happy to see me and end up asking if they did something wrong, but it's just that I have a hard time keeping in contact with people unless circumstance kind of automatically dictates that I am going to be in the same place as them at the same time regularly. Attending the same school/college/university, playing in a band with them, working in the same place as them etc...

Without that I just drift away from people and I don't feel like I have much control over it. It leaves me feeling pretty isolated sometimes.
 
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