Losing Interest Talking To New People

[The Penguin]

I learning when I talk to someone new, the conversation might go well for a few days. After that point, it seems the conversations are dead. It starts off with me and another person has some common interests. However, after talking with the person some more, we learn we don't have many common interest at all. Part of the issue may relate to my interest I have is very limited. Most things people are into don't interest me. Even if I show high interest of topic a person likes, does not mean the friendship will go well. So I concluded I'm not good company for most people.

 

[Nitro]

I learning when I talk to someone new, the conversation might go well for a few days. After that point, it seems the conversations are dead. It starts off with me and another person has some common interests. However, after talking with the person some more, we learn we don't have many common interest at all. Part of the issue may relate to my interest I have is very limited. Most things people are into don't interest me. Even if I show high interest of topic a person likes, does not mean the friendship will go well. So I concluded I'm not good company for most people.

I wouldn't think of yourself as bad company because conversations don't always flow freely,there are a lot of dynamics online that come into play and there is no magic answer to friendships I can offer you.
Quit beating yourself up over it and don't put all your stock into conversations having to turn into friendships. When the time is right,the right ones for you will come your way and friendships will work their own magic

 

[The Penguin]

When the time is right,the right ones for you will come your way and friendships will work their own magic

Maybe. As this penguin hates almost everything, I'm not sure what would be the odds of this.

 

[pushpin]

Maybe. As this penguin hates almost everything, I'm not sure what would be the odds of this.

You're not the only penguin in the land

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

I agree with pushpin...

I'm losing interest in talking to people who want to "get to know me better." This doesn't always end well. One especially sticky person has no idea why unsolicited advice and a stream of emails isn't getting a response. I had to tell her I'd get in touch when I was ready. She just doesn't understand how irritating it is to be around her.

My aspie friends may not talk to me or hear from me for months--but when we are together, it's not hard to be together, even "alone together." The book of that title was a good read, I thought.

 

[wyverary]

My aspie friends may not talk to me or hear from me for months--but when we are together, it's not hard to be together, even "alone together."

This isn't limited strictly to Aspies. I have some NT friends, most of whom I've known since high school or before, and ALL of us may have lost contact for several months or even years, but even then, when we get together, though we may have some catching-up to do, it's as if no time has passed. I guess there's that particular bond you form with certain people that doesn't easily go away.

 

[Kari Suttle]

I learning when I talk to someone new, the conversation might go well for a few days. After that point, it seems the conversations are dead. It starts off with me and another person has some common interests. However, after talking with the person some more, we learn we don't have many common interest at all. Part of the issue may relate to my interest I have is very limited. Most things people are into don't interest me. Even if I show high interest of topic a person likes, does not mean the friendship will go well. So I concluded I'm not good company for most people.

I've pretty much come to the same conclusion as well. I don't have a single friend anymore (its a long story though, not all my fault either). I only talk to coworkers if they talk to me first. I don't actively try to be rude to anybody, i just accepted a long time ago (all the way back in middle school, half my life ago) that i'm not somebody people actively want to be around no matter how hard i try.

I've pretty much come to the conclusion that something must be wrong with me or i must do something everytime i meet people or talk to them that makes them want to just be polite and nothing more and not want anything to do with me beyond that. I mean it has to be something i'm doing, i've always been almost friendless, never dated, and even my own family doesn't want me around unless i'm in school. Its actually a pretty depressing topic. I think it says a lot that i was elated yesterday when my (highly suspected) aspie coworker said thanks cause i took over for him so he could leave for the day. No one ever talks to me so I was happy. I don't take a smile and a greeting as being anything more than that, everyone does it cause its polite, people feel rude if they don't. Save this one kid, but he talks to everybody he's pretty much everybody's casual work friend.

 

[The Penguin]

I've pretty much come to the conclusion that something must be wrong with me or i must do something everytime i meet people or talk to them that makes them want to just be polite and nothing more and not want anything to do with me beyond that.

I would't think there anything wrong with you.

For myself, I came to the conclusion that there nothing wrong with me but issues with other people in society set these standards you must be a certain way and if your not you can't be accepted. If I have to give up my doll and Lego interest to have friends than I rather be a hermit for life!

 

[Judge]

I've pretty much come to the same conclusion as well. I don't have a single friend anymore (its a long story though, not all my fault either). I only talk to coworkers if they talk to me first. I don't actively try to be rude to anybody, i just accepted a long time ago (all the way back in middle school, half my life ago) that i'm not somebody people actively want to be around no matter how hard i try.

I've pretty much come to the conclusion that something must be wrong with me or i must do something everytime i meet people or talk to them that makes them want to just be polite and nothing more and not want anything to do with me beyond that. I mean it has to be something i'm doing, i've always been almost friendless, never dated, and even my own family doesn't want me around unless i'm in school. Its actually a pretty depressing topic. I think it says a lot that i was elated yesterday when my (highly suspected) aspie coworker said thanks cause i took over for him so he could leave for the day. No one ever talks to me so I was happy. I don't take a smile and a greeting as being anything more than that, everyone does it cause its polite, people feel rude if they don't. Save this one kid, but he talks to everybody he's pretty much everybody's casual work friend.

Could there be a chance that you are physically projecting negativity in some way? Something you may not be aware of, but NTs around you may likely be acutely aware of. I can tell you that the NT world has certain basic expectations that come naturally to them. (Those "standards" William spoke of.) If you initially come across as standoffish, they may be inclined to stay away from you as a group thinking you're distant and cold. They're wrong, but they won't know. Worse, they won't care because they didn't make a real effort to get to know you.

I know how difficult it is in returning certain gestures like "polite" smiles and greetings. When I'm left alone I'm also more efficient in doing my job. (Conversations interfere with my multitasking in other functions not speech-related). But here's the thing. I also realize that my disdain of such things can be to my own detriment if I'm actually projecting this somehow.

If or when you do, NTs are likely to write you off as unapproachable and strange. I know, I've had that happen to me as well. When people (work or parents) approach you socially for no particular reason, try to step outside your own body and try to envision what you look like to them and what you say. Most of all, to later write down what you think you may have observed. It might help as a tool of sorts. I can only guess here, but it just sounds like you may be projecting something here that you aren't aware of.

 

[Suzanne]

I have found the same thing, but have a new start, so to speak, in that, as of yesterday, two strange females defended on us lol and further more, they had only just met They are staying with us for a week, and so far so good. I do feel stressed because it is hard seeing things not in their place etc and I have to wait for them to leave the house, before I can go to the toilet, but I am coping and even explained my difficulty with eye contact.

What does annoy me is when I take courage to say I have aspergers, I get: oh I am like that, blab blab and then, but I an not aspergic I get the look of surprise and so, have to assume that I appear normal, until ones get to know me and whoa

 

[Rhymer]

I get bored after 10 seconds unless they happen to be remarkably different and interesting which is rare amongst most of the usual sheep.

 

[Harrison]

People can bore me very easily, so I use scripts to keep it going for a reasonable amount of time. If I meet folk who are interesting I will engage for as long as they want. Those I find truly fascinating will become my 'friend', except I generally don't tell them they are.

 

[micho313]

I don't often get into any thorough conversations with newly met people simply for the fact that there is no mutual connect. I really struggle so much trying to keep myself focused on the new person I'm meeting that it exhausts me. Then after we separate I barely recall the encounter or their name. I have so many people I meet for work one reason or another, if there is a high percentage of interaction within a given time period, i would prefer to not speak the remainder of day. Feeling bored is not quite what I would call it, but definitely I am uninterested in the dialogue enough that I have been misinterpreted by the other side.

My second comment, hope it fits well.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I agree with pushpin...

I'm losing interest in talking to people who want to "get to know me better." This doesn't always end well. One especially sticky person has no idea why unsolicited advice and a stream of emails isn't getting a response. I had to tell her I'd get in touch when I was ready. She just doesn't understand how irritating it is to be around her.

My aspie friends may not talk to me or hear from me for months--but when we are together, it's not hard to be together, even "alone together." The book of that title was a good read, I thought.

If your "friend" is so "irritating", then give her some respect and cut her off. Honestly if any of my friends actually thought of me like that, I hope that they would do me the honor of telling me so I wouldn't keep wasting my time being around them in some fake friendship.

 

[The Penguin]

I get bored after 10 seconds unless they happen to be remarkably different and interesting which is rare amongst most of the usual sheep.

I might allow you in the penguin club. You sound like me

 

[Rhymer]

Ok. make some room for me to park my ass on the ice.

 

[Progster]

What I have found in the past when I tried to make friends with new people, is that they would agree to do stuff with me, go out for a coffee or something, and then quickly lose interest in me. I find it hard to find things to say, and they conversation often became very strained, with long gaps, while I thought of something to say. Also, I don't watch TV or know much about the pop culture that many people like to use as small talk topics, and my interests are very different to those of other people. I often find other people's interests and topics of conversation boring. I come across as flat and boring, and don't have many facial expressions because I don't communicate through body language so much as through words - NTs communicate a lot more through body language, using it to convey emotions and to give feedback. I can't do this. I feel uncomfortable around people and it shows, I think I may be inadvertently giving off negative vibes that the other person can pick up on. I've since learned that it's far better to try and make new friends through a common interest, or through doing an activity together rather than basing the meeting on just talk. I seem to have a lot more success this way with getting to know people.

 

[micho313]

Pop culture bores me as much as talking to people face to face!

 

[JennieK]

People can bore me very easily, so I use scripts to keep it going for a reasonable amount of time.

I do this too.

 

[aThousand_Miles Ago]

Hello,

Out of all the years in my life I have yet to find that many people who have similar interests as I do. Something that I found to be more important than common interest in "stuff" is to understand that we all want to connect in some way. I'm grateful to have connections due to being "Open" and "Listening" to what people have to talk about.

It comes down to "Empathy". Do not get me wrong, suggestion empathy to some who are still learning social cues is like asking a man with no arms to give you a high-five. Sometimes it can be quite difficult for people to look past not having common interest or "something to say". Throughout the day you're glancing around at your environment, interesting topics should come up eventually.