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Losing Interest Talking To New People

I do this all too often as well. My GF sometimes laughs or gets irritated when I do it to her for no apparent reason I.e. "Hello, how are you..."
 
The Penguin said:
I learning when I talk to someone new, the conversation might go well for a few days. After that point, it seems the conversations are dead. It starts off with me and another person has some common interests. However, after talking with the person some more, we learn we don't have many common interest at all. Part of the issue may relate to my interest I have is very limited. Most things people are into don't interest me. Even if I show high interest of topic a person likes, does not mean the friendship will go well. So I concluded I'm not good company for most people.
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I believe this is because we Aspies have very narrow interests and are not good at small talk. Most Aspies likely feel this way, I know I do. I can talk your leg off if we're talking about something in my narrow interest range, other wise not so much. So it's not that your not good company, it's just a matter of discussing something that you're interested in. Most all of us Aspies have the same problem.
 
Progster said:
What I have found in the past when I tried to make friends with new people, is that they would agree to do stuff with me, go out for a coffee or something, and then quickly lose interest in me. I find it hard to find things to say, and they conversation often became very strained, with long gaps, while I thought of something to say. Also, I don't watch TV or know much about the pop culture that many people like to use as small talk topics, and my interests are very different to those of other people. I often find other people's interests and topics of conversation boring. I come across as flat and boring, and don't have many facial expressions because I don't communicate through body language so much as through words - NTs communicate a lot more through body language, using it to convey emotions and to give feedback. I can't do this. I feel uncomfortable around people and it shows, I think I may be inadvertently giving off negative vibes that the other person can pick up on. I've since learned that it's far better to try and make new friends through a common interest, or through doing an activity together rather than basing the meeting on just talk. I seem to have a lot more success this way with getting to know people.
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You are right. I have very few friends and the ones that I do have are ones that I golf or shoot with. Having a common interest is the only reason that they are friends. They do not know that I'm a Aspie and would not understand if they did know.
 
I try to talk to new people and keep a conversation going, but apparently I'm not worth anyone's time or I'm really boring, so they just disappear and I never hear another word from them ever again.
 
It depends. Sometimes I'm very hyper and energetic and want to know people. But considering that most of the time my sensory system is overloaded or I have a migraine (one phase or another) - communication may seem draining, especially with new people. When I'm well I can be interested in getting to know the same person more for a few days or so, after that the conversation gets old and then I have to decide whether we have something in common to continue seeing/ talking to each other or not. :) I am fascinated by people, but I'm just too tired and busy right now to invest time into new friends making, or getting to know more people. When I was in college, that was the time when I should have done it. And I did... in a way. Unfortunately I wasn't as socially capable and aware as now, so it was harder to communicate.
 
Hello Everyone!

I suppose it is apparent that most aspies if not all find it difficult to engage in small talk and that has even led many to give up on making new friends and meeting new people. Although it is true that meeting new people might seem tiresome and draining mainly because it involves us to talk to them and explain ourselves but I believe that there is a brighter side to it. Most aspies are good at listening and concentrating. If we are able to develop the ability to listen to the feelings and struggles of others, I think we would find ourselves surrounded my loving friends. Most people nowadays are too busy expressing themselves and have little patience to listen to others. One of the key qualities of a good friend is to listen and I believe that this can help us improve our social lives and surround us with loving people who love us for who we are.
 
Dark Passenger said:
Most aspies are good at listening and concentrating. If we are able to develop the ability to listen to the feelings and struggles of others, I think we would find ourselves surrounded my loving friends.
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From my life experience, I learned when I do this most people want to take advantage of me solely for that purpose. Though the outcome might be better with other people, for me, the outcome is normally never good.
 
The Penguin said:
From my life experience, I learned when I do this most people want to take advantage of me solely for that purpose. Though the outcome might be better with other people, for me, the outcome is normally never good.
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Yes, I completely agree. There are always those who take advantage of us being good listeners but there are are also certainly those, if few in number, who genuinely develop a liking for us and our ability to listen to them. They turn out to be really good friends. After all life is filled with various types of people and it does take effort to find those who understand and love us. Cheers!
 
I understand your point of view entirely, I have the same thing - it's like initial excitement of someone new.. then the realization that they're nothing special or they don't peak your interests.

It's almost like having a new toy you become tiresome of quite quickly.

This is such an annoying barrier, as the way I see it is that there is generally more of a "person" behind this simplistic polite conversation you start with when you meet someone new. That's the person I want to talk to, not the person who's giving me pleasantries about how my Christmas was. This is something I have with me best friend, there's no barriers and anything is on the table for discussion - just the way I prefer friendship.

If only meeting new people like that would be possible.

I detest small talk, it's horrible, pointless and just cringe-worthy as neither party care about either's response. Yet another barrier in speaking with others, this was another reason I hated going to the hair dressers for a while. Makes me gag... *cringe*
 
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