Lost Girl

[theminx]

Oh, yeah. I relate to all of that. I agree, also, that our potential could be better used if social interaction were not such a large part of most positions. I keep thinking of television characters you see in shows where some geeky guy is sitting alone in a batcave-like structure turning out all this brilliant information, but never having to interact with others like the lead characters. Where's that job? Only in the movies I guess.

I like being the power behind the throne. I don't want to be King Arthur. I want to be Merlin. But, like you say, if you find a situation like that, invariably the time will come when they want to "move you up," and that always means social interaction. It's like trying to make a cat behave like a dog. The cat does a great job being a cat, but makes a lousy dog.

I just wrote to someone the other day something similar, except it was about Wonder Woman. I said...I love the idea no one knew that Diana Prince was Wonder Woman, Princess of Paradise Isle or Thymyscara. That she could do what needed to be done as a lone entity, fighting injustice her own way. I liked the fact she expected nothing for herself in return for fighting the injustice...except as a means to help patriarch's world see the folly of their violent ways.

I think that's why I love comic books so much. I love the dual natures, the secret identities. The idea they need to show one face to the world as their alias (or is it the other way around?), but it is the other face which is their true self.

Even the name Minx...it's from a Dark Horse comic series in the late 90s called Minx. She had multiple personalities or disassociative disorder, and her inner Minx would emerge, though it wasn't called that back then.

But her character made so much sense to me...how she often felt so split.

 

[theminx]

Sorry I'm going so crazy with my responses.

I haven't slept, but everything everyone is saying is resonating. I always felt so alone, so to finally connect with so many women...and all in one night...

Can you dig?

Do you guys like the comic book Watchman? 
When Dr. Manhattan says, "I'm tired of this earth and these people. I'm tired of being caught up in the tangle of their lives."

Or in the film Breakfast Club, when he says, "You see us you want to see us, in the simplest terms, the most convenient definitions."

That is sometimes how I feel about the world and most people.

 

[Nightingale121]

Welcome!

Ah, yes! I sit improperly for a female as well. Even my last boyfriend commented that my sitting posture came across as masculine and rather bombastic. He used to call me the female James Dean.

I also have a rather masculine sitting posture. Furthermore my gait is often considered to be weird and masculine, not very lady-like at all.

You begin to spend hours rehearsing what to expect and how to cope in said meetings, yet you still find that sometimes people talk to you...and you've no idea what to say back.

And you begin to wonder if people are able to reconcile your extremely articulate online persona with the mute, occasionally speed talking clutterer, often explaining herself too much...or being so abrupt she manages to offend them when they meet her in person.

I haven't really have much experience with those kind of meetings, but I do this rehearsing for any "official" and important conversations I have to deal with. I rehearse, think of various possibilities of how the conversation might go on, what the other person will probably say and so on. I also know this "and you have no idea what to say back." I feel so stupid sometimes...
I agree with you about the difference between online persona and the persona I am in real conversations. It isn't only online for me though, I am better at any kind of written conversation than I am in spoken conversations. I like the opportunity to think about everything first, that I can re-write sentences as many times as I want to if necessary and that I don't have to think about body language and facial expressions.
I tend to be rather quiet in conversations at the beginning, but sometimes I tend to explain and say too much as well. It's always somewhere between too abrupt and therefore perceived as rude and some weird, very long explanations or too long and complicated stuff no one is interested in after a while because I speak about it in too much detail. I think I can confuse people from time to time with that because when I just start to speak I am not as structrered as when I write and think about everything first, so that it becomes understandable. In conversations I sometimes just have to go back because I realize I forgot something or think I have to explain it more. Just like I mentioned: Writing is much easier.

You thought you were fae? Did you ever think that maybe your purpose was to observe humans and that someday the fae would return to take you home and ask you what it was like to live among humans?

I swear I thought that had to be it for many years. When my mom would tell me something I did was not very lady-like, such as wanting to own a sword, I'd confidently tell her that was because I wasn't really a girl. At least, not a human girl.

I used to think I was an alien when I was younger and had to observe humans. I always wondered when this task may be finished, so I could return "home". I thought it might be when I finally understood human behaviour, but since I had trouble with that, I feared I might never be allowed to leave earth. In opposite to you I never told someone because I believed this was a "secret mission" and no one should find out that there are aliens observing people.

 

[theminx]

Welcome!

I used to think I was an alien when I was younger and had to observe humans. I always wondered when this task may be finished, so I could return "home". I thought it might be when I finally understood human behaviour, but since I had trouble with that, I feared I might never be allowed to leave earth. In opposite to you I never told someone because I believed this was a "secret mission" and no one should find out that there are aliens observing people.

In my mind the fae had already been among humans and there were likely others like me that still were, I just needed to find them.

I thought the reason the fae left (the whole Gods and Fighting Men story of King Bres and the Tuatha Da Danu and how he forced them back thru the portal in Tara Hill Ireland and were then thought of as Sidhe and more feared than cherished) were because humans misunderstood their mission. I thought the reason they seeded humanity with halfling/changeling children was to show humans the fae meant them no harm. I thought the fae actually wanted to help. And it was my mission (and others like me) to pave their way back...and placate the humans' fears.

I thought the fae could see the patterns. I thought humanity mistook their sight as magic, when it really was just a different way of thinking and perceiving the world. I thought my mission was to prove to them the fae pose no threat.

I also thought my mission was to observe the patterns they foresaw unfold...and in what manner. And how to better communicate their visions in a manner more palatable to human sensitivities.

So, to my young brain, that meant I should attempt to persuade as many people to the "truth" as I saw it, which merely had the effect of backfiring on me.

And when I was then diagnosed as bipolar when I got older...I began to think I had been a delusional child, hence confessing my fae theories to that doctor...and him making the assumption I meant nymphomaniac rather than an elemental type nymph.

That was a hard lesson to learn...to be silent when it came to many of the weird thoughts churning in my girly noggin.

Then I found out this about myself...and I read all these stories of girls thinking similar things as me when they were children...and this new lens made me look at the experience in a whole new light. That I wasn't delusional. My neurology, my thinking patterns just differed so vastly from everyone around me, that the only conclusion my young mind could fathom was I must be alien or fae.

Which is actually quite soothing to me now.

Does anyone else experience something similar, when they were diagnosed?

 

[Cali Cat]

Does anyone else experience something similar, when they were diagnosed?

Understanding my neurology certainly made a big difference for me. I simply thought I was nuts until I realized there's a whole community of people who think similarly. It was a big relief.

 

[Judge]

Understanding my neurology certainly made a big difference for me. I simply thought I was nuts until I realized there's a whole community of people who think similarly. It was a big relief.

Me too. Had I not stumbled onto autism, my next thought was to undergo past-life regression hypnotism or readings...which would have taken me in a very different direction likely to lead to a dead end.

 

[Cali Cat]

Had I not stumbled onto autism, my next thought was to undergo past-life regression hypnotism or readings...which would have taken me in a very different direction likely to lead to a dead end.

I was so into astrology, numerology, the tarot and all manner of occult arts when I was a child ... all in an attempt to explain myself to myself. This started at about the age of 12, which made me seem even stranger to many of my friends at that age.

I would spend hours on astrological charts and reading about my supposed personality traits. Oddly enough, I found some comfort in the fact that I do display a huge number of traits associated with the sign of Scorpio. I think that was just the luck of the draw, and maybe some cosmic "gift" to get me by until I discovered my reality.

 

[Judge]

I was so into astrology, numerology, the tarot and all manner of occult arts when I was a child ... all in an attempt to explain myself to myself. This started at about the age of 12, which made me seem even stranger to many of my friends at that age.

I would spend hours on astrological charts and reading about my supposed personality traits. Oddly enough, I found some comfort in the fact that I do display a huge number of traits associated with the sign of Scorpio. I think that was just the luck of the draw, and maybe some cosmic "gift" to get me by until I discovered my reality.

I've dabbled in them. My mother was very much into astrology. But they were peripheral to one driving force in my life that began in 1983. A connection to the paranormal. I didn't go looking for it though. It found me.

Yet to date I have yet to make any real connection between paranormal experiences and my autism.

 

[Cali Cat]

I also have a rather masculine sitting posture. Furthermore my gait is often considered to be weird and masculine, not very lady-like at all.

Oh, yes. I'd forgotten about that. People have commented that I have a strange gait as well, and I tend be a bit uncoordinated. I've tripped and fallen on my face more than a few times. I'm a disaster in high-heels ... like a cow stomping through mud. I don't even try anymore.

Also, my voice is unique. It is very deep, monotone and masculine for a woman. People very rarely recognize me on sight (if I change my appearance even a little bit, I can pass unnoticed with all but my closest friends), but they remember my voice.

I've been mistaken for being lesbian on numerous occasions, which really doesn't bother me, except it can lead to some awkward instances. I do seem to attract more passive and effeminate men as well, which I'm still not sure how I feel about that.

 

[Cali Cat]

I've dabbled in them. My mother was very much into astrology. But they were peripheral to one driving force in my life that began in 1983. A connection to the paranormal. I didn't go looking for it though. It found me.

Yet to date I have yet to make any real connection between paranormal experiences and my autism.

Yes, my mother was very much into astrology. That's where I picked it up.

The paranormal found me when I was about 13. That would've been about 1974. I became obsessed with that as well, though it wasn't in an effort to find myself, just to explain what happened.

I heard once that when a kid is entering puberty, especially a female, that they are more psychologically open to the paranormal. Because of the timing, I figured that was what it was; but, perhaps autism also makes a person more aware of those phenomena ... ??? Would be interesting to if someone were to do a study on that.

 

[theminx]

Oh, yes. I'd forgotten about that. People have commented that I have a strange gait as well, and I tend be a bit uncoordinated. I've tripped and fallen on my face more than a few times. I'm a disaster in high-heels ... like a cow stomping through mud. I don't even try anymore.

Also, my voice is unique. It is very deep, monotone and masculine for a woman. People very rarely recognize me on sight (if I change my appearance even a little bit, I can pass unnoticed with all but my closest friends), but they remember my voice.

I've been mistaken for being lesbian on numerous occasions, which really doesn't bother me, except it can lead to some awkward instances. I do seem to attract more passive and effeminate men as well, which I'm still not sure how I feel about that.

People tell me my voice is odd as well. If I meet people I've only chatted with online, they're always surprised by how low and deep my voice is. Not quite masculine, but I'm told it is deep when in comparison to the way I look...and what they expect. Which embarrasses me.

It is weird...in that inside my head, my brain feels fully masculine, like my thoughts are those of a young, nerdy guy. But externally, I'm fully feminine. I like looking feminine, yet my obsessions are masculine. I have a small sword collection. I read comic books. My background is in science. I like gadgets...

Is it like that for anyone else?

Where part of them feels male?

I used to think that is why I had such trouble making female friends, cuz they couldn't reconcile my masculine thought processes with my appearance. But I didn't want to edit myself or what felt like neutering my outward femininity with their silly expectations.

It probably doesn't help that I'm told I sit and stand like a man, yet dress like a lady.

I guess it must appear incongruous. But why does that mean I have to change? Why does such things make people feel so uncomfortable?

If we truly want equality between the sexes, then women should be able to be both masculine and feminine simultaneously, without the need to kowtow to societal expectations. Or am I crazy?

 

[theminx]

I heard once that when a kid is entering puberty, especially a female, that they are more psychologically open to the paranormal. Because of the timing, I figured that was what it was; but, perhaps autism also makes a person more aware of those phenomenon ... ??? Would be interesting to if someone were to do a study on that.

I think it would. Cuz it is rather fascinating that this phenomena happens to most girls on the spectrum at this age, even before they are diagnosed. That must mean...something.

 

[Cali Cat]

People tell me my voice is odd as well. If I meet people I've only chatted with online, they're always surprised by how low and deep my voice is. Not quite masculine, but I'm told it is deep when in comparison to the way I look...and what they expect. Which embarrasses me.

It is weird...in that inside my head, my brain feels fully masculine, like my thoughts are those of a young, nerdy guy. But externally, I'm fully feminine. I like looking feminine, yet my obsessions are masculine. I have a small sword collection. I read comic books. My background is in science. I like gadgets...

Is it like that for anyone else?

Where part of them feels male?

I used to think that is why I had such trouble making female friends, cuz they couldn't reconcile my masculine thought processes with my appearance. But I didn't want to edit myself or what felt like neutering my outward femininity with their silly expectations.

It probably doesn't help that I'm told I sit and stand like a man, yet dress like a lady.

I guess it must appear incongruous.

I'm usually apprehensive about speaking with someone with whom I've only had written communication. I know they are going to comment on my voice being not what they expected.

I, too, appear fully feminine outwardly, but have the mannerisms and thought processes of a guy ... and a nerdy guy at that. I also have a science background.

As a child, my favorite toy was my Barbie dolls (and I had a dozen of them), but all my other toys were "boy" toys: trains, robots, hot wheels, Tonka trucks, erector sets, etc. I had no interest at all in playing with baby dolls. In fact, all dolls except Barbies sort of creeped me out.

No surprise, I guess, that I never had any interest in producing children myself either. I probably would have made a better father than a mother anyway.

 

[theminx]

I'm usually apprehensive about speaking with someone with whom I've only had written communication. I know they are going to comment on my voice being not what they expected.

I, too, appear fully feminine outwardly, but have the mannerisms and thought processes of a guy ... and a nerdy guy at that. I also have a science background.

As a child, my favorite toy was my Barbie dolls (and I had a dozen of them), but all my other toys were "boy" toys: trains, robots, hot wheels, Tonka trucks, erector sets, etc. I had no interest at all in playing with baby dolls. In fact, all dolls except Barbies sort of creeped me out.

No surprise, I guess, that I never had any interest in producing children myself either. I probably would have made a better father than a mother anyway.

I didn't even like Barbie dolls, but that might also partly stem from the fact my sister (13 months younger) was my shadow and perpetual tormentor, and she loved Barbie dolls and wanted me to play with her and my cousin...where they'd play house and dress up...and I thought this was silly.

I had a collection of Star Wars (still do) action figures, Red Sonja, and Wonder Woman, JI Joe and stuff like that.

I don't have children either. I tell people I love children, but that's cuz I full on resort to a child when I'm with them, which is why my little niece (7) claims I'm a child and not a real adult, and refuses to call me "Aunty", which drives my father bananas.

He tells me they'll have no respect for me if I don't enforce the rule of adults requiring tilted (such as aunt or mom and dad, accordingly).

So, when he's around I correct her, but I secretly like the fact she sees me as a kid and not an adult.

Do you know...

When I was 12-13yrs old, after reading various books and seeing several movies based on dystopic and post apocalyptic worlds, I told my parents I thought the world had the propensity to become something akin to the worlds depicted in Road Warrior or Blade Runner.

I remember thinking to myself... the concept of the resulting dystopia due to a post apocalyptic world scared the 'eff outta me.

I asked them why no one seemed to see what I saw? I told them I didn't understand why people needed qualifications for jobs and to get their license, but no one had to prove they're capable of parenthood. I asked them why it was okay for underaged teens to have babies? Sometimes multiple children before these kids (kids!) turned 18yrs...and were even considered adults in the eyes of the law!?

I remember thinking: Didn't people see this was leading to overpopulation!? Why wasn't anything being done about this? Who was gonna stop all these people from procreating and using all the resources and destroying the world?!

I was distraught and inconsolable.

So, my idea was to give preteen boys and girls tubal ligations. Once they turned 18, if they wanted children, then they'd have to take parenthood classes and apply for a license to get the tubal ligations reversed.

My father laughed at me.

My mom asked how I'd feel if someone did that to me.

I told her it was my idea. I'd be first in line for the procedure. And last to apply for a license to get it reversed.

In my head, the way I described it to my parents was, there'd be classes both males and females would have to take after their 18th birthday to receive a birthing license. And then a test to prove they're capable. Once they've proven they're capable, they're good to go.

The overall point of my idea was meant to ensure parents were truly ready to have children. Once they got the procedure reversed, they'd be fully functional and capable of giving birth to as many children as desired...as then they'd be ready to make choices that were in everyone's best interest.

At least, that's how it played out in my head...

I figured it would safeguard the world, by halting population growth, as well as eradicating problems caused by unplanned teenage births. No more underage parents. People would need to be financially and psychologically fit.

Stuff like that.

My father then tried to explain reproduction is a basic human right, wrought with many complications, including the possibility of manipulating the populace if that right is taken away.

It took me years to wrap my head around why people think this idea was crazy. I understand now why it is not a viable option...so, but when I posted this story in another forum last year, before my diagnosis, people started freaking out, thinking I wanted to take everyone's right to choose away, cuz they seemed incapable of understanding I came up with this idea when I was like 12...and wasn't posting it as a solution. But I wanted to share with people  how atypical my thinking tends to be...even before I understood why.

But I also thought it was one of the many reasons why it is unlikely I'll never be a mom.

 

[qwerty]

You thought you were fae? Did you ever think that maybe your purpose was to observe humans and that someday the fae would return to take you home and ask you what it was like to live among humans?

I swear I thought that had to be it for many years. When my mom would tell me something I did was not very lady-like, such as wanting to own a sword, I'd confidently tell her that was because I wasn't really a girl. At least, not a human girl.

My father would tease me and tell me I had antenna until they removed them to make me look "normal".

I was diagnosed with bipolar for the longest time, mostly due to cluttered speech which resembles the pressured speech of mania. Top that with my obsessions causing me to sometimes hyperfocus, sometimes with very little sleep...and I understand why there was so much confusion.

They tried to add ADHD and borderline personality at different points, but I resisted. I understood the ADHD, but thought felt I was either manic or ADHD, but it didn't make sense to be both.

The BPD diagnosis popped up on occasion, but was then subsequently squashed for various reasons.

It once stemmed from a time when I told one of my earliest psych doctors about my fae theory, which in retrospect was extremely foolish of me. I remember telling him I thought I was probably a tree nypmh or earth based elemental, as I was a little monkey and liked to climb trees and just sit up there and read or just observe my surroundings, as it made me feel connected and balanced.

But all he seemed to hear from that little confession was the term "nypmh", which he assumed was short for nymphomaniac.

So, yeah, I completely get how the misdiagnoses begin to drive you bonkers.

Definitely. If you'd like to chat more, I'd like that.

my nana

You thought you were fae? Did you ever think that maybe your purpose was to observe humans and that someday the fae would return to take you home and ask you what it was like to live among humans?

I swear I thought that had to be it for many years. When my mom would tell me something I did was not very lady-like, such as wanting to own a sword, I'd confidently tell her that was because I wasn't really a girl. At least, not a human girl.

My father would tease me and tell me I had antenna until they removed them to make me look "normal".

I was diagnosed with bipolar for the longest time, mostly due to cluttered speech which resembles the pressured speech of mania. Top that with my obsessions causing me to sometimes hyperfocus, sometimes with very little sleep...and I understand why there was so much confusion.

They tried to add ADHD and borderline personality at different points, but I resisted. I understood the ADHD, but thought felt I was either manic or ADHD, but it didn't make sense to be both.

The BPD diagnosis popped up on occasion, but was then subsequently squashed for various reasons.

It once stemmed from a time when I told one of my earliest psych doctors about my fae theory, which in retrospect was extremely foolish of me. I remember telling him I thought I was probably a tree nypmh or earth based elemental, as I was a little monkey and liked to climb trees and just sit up there and read or just observe my surroundings, as it made me feel connected and balanced.

But all he seemed to hear from that little confession was the term "nypmh", which he assumed was short for nymphomaniac.

So, yeah, I completely get how the misdiagnoses begin to drive you bonkers.

Definitely. If you'd like to chat more, I'd like that. [emoji2]

my nana told me stories about 'the good neighbours' as she referred to the fae.
she would say that they swap their babies with human ones, and as i already
felt like i wasn't like everyone else, then surely this is what had happened with
me.

i used to imagine what it would be like if i found my way back.
for me, every hill was the home of the little folk, every tree had
a unique personality, and if you listened hard enough you could
here them dreaming, same with every aspect of nature.

i spent a lot of my childhood reading books high up in the plum
tree in the back yard, and trying to listen to the strange language
of nature.

 

[Cali Cat]

I didn't even like Barbie dolls, but that might also partly stem from the fact my sister (13 months younger) was my shadow and perpetual tormentor, and she loved Barbie dolls and wanted me to play with her and my cousin...where they'd play house and dress up...and I thought this was silly.

I think my Barbie doll obsession was due to my fascination with all the pretty brightly-colored accessories and the textures and patterns of the clothing. I just loved the "prettiness" of it all.

I don't think I actually played with Barbies quite the same way as other girls though. I mainly liked to dress and undress them in all their different outfits and just sort of stare at them and absorb the satisfaction I felt. Unlike some Aspies, I have quite an eye for fashion, and I still adore clothes ... though I don't indulge myself in it any longer.

I don't have children either. I tell people I love children, but that's cuz I full on resort to a child when I'm with them, which is why my little niece (7) claims I'm a child and not a real adult, and refuses to call me "Aunty", which drives my father bananas.

He tells me they'll have no respect for me if I don't enforce the rule of adults requiring tilted (such as aunt or mom and dad, accordingly).

So, when he's around I correct her, but I secretly like the fact she sees me as a kid and not an adult.

I have no sense of how to discipline a child. I've never felt like an adult myself, so I simply don't know how to correct youngsters.

I hate to admit it, because this usually pisses people off, but I really don't like most children. I find them rather tiresome and uninteresting. Once in a great while, I meet a child who is unique though ... one I can relate to. Those children are probably on the autistic spectrum too.

... I asked them why it was okay for underaged teens to have babies? Sometimes multiple children before these kids (kids!) turned 18yrs...and were even considered adults in the eyes of the law!?

I remember thinking: Didn't people see this was leading to overpopulation!? Why wasn't anything being done about this? Who was gonna stop all these people from procreating and using all the resources and destroying the world?!

I was distraught and inconsolable.

So, my idea was to give preteen boys and girls tubal ligations. Once they turned 18, if they wanted children, then they'd have to take parenthood classes and apply for a license to get the tubal ligations reversed.

My father laughed at me.

My mom asked how I'd feel if someone did that to me.

I told her it was my idea. I'd be first in line for the procedure. And last to apply for a license to get it reversed.

In my head, the way I described it to my parents was, there'd be classes both males and females would have to take after their 18th birthday to receive a birthing license. And then a test to prove they're capable. Once they've proven they're capable, they're good to go.

The overall point of my idea was meant to ensure parents were truly ready to have children. Once they got the procedure reversed, they'd be fully functional and capable of giving birth to as many children as desired...as then they'd be ready to make choices that were in everyone's best interest.

At least, that's how it played out in my head...

I figured it would safeguard the world, by halting population growth, as well as eradicating problems caused by unplanned teenage births. No more underage parents. People would need to be financially and psychologically fit.

Stuff like that.

My father then tried to explain reproduction is a basic human right, wrought with many complications, including the possibility of manipulating the populace if that right is taken away.

I've always thought along similar lines. I recognize the potential for abuse of the power if people were to be sterilized, and then tested for parenthood before reversing the procedure. However, if there were proper checks and balances, I'd still like to see something like that put into place. Overpopulation has been a big concern of mine for some time, and the problems with child abuse and just plain poor parenting. I think it should be a privilege to have children in this day and age, not a right. I'm sure that's an unpopular opinion with the masses, but ... oh well.

 

[theminx]

my nana


my nana told me stories about 'the good neighbours' as she referred to the fae.
she would say that they swap their babies with human ones, and as i already
felt like i wasn't like everyone else, then surely this is what had happened with
me.

i used to imagine what it would be like if i found my way back.
for me, every hill was the home of the little folk, every tree had
a unique personality, and if you listened hard enough you could
here them dreaming, same with every aspect of nature.

i spent a lot of my childhood reading books high up in the plum
tree in the back yard, and trying to listen to the strange language
of nature.

That actually sounds eerily familiar to my own experience...even the climbing the trees like a little monkey (hence the belief I was an elemental tree nyphm), except I didn't think they left me. I was born a premie (spelling?). And my mom talked about it so much...I knew it had to be real. And I look just like my father, like it's uncanny. I'm a girl version of him. Which means I was mostly definitely their biological offspring.

So, the only explanation I could come up with...was one of my ancestors was fae. She or he copulated with a human...knowing the fae blood manifested itself every few generations, which meant I likely had other relatives (alive or dead) with a similar mission as myself.

Although I stopped fully believing this to be true in my young adult years, I've always secretly believed it was true...and that someday I'd figure out the full story.

Admittedly, finding this about myself kinda fits nicely into my theory. The idea Aspies or those on the autism scale have neurological differencec than everyone else is biological. Autism is genetic.

So...my weird brain takes all of this...and begins to wonder if the mythology were true, but humans got it wrong. Fae weren't magic, they were just so neurologically different, their thinking so vastly divergent from that of humans...that humans believed their abilities to be magic based.

But what if that weren't the case? Maybe if what humans perceived as prescience was actually patterned based thinkink? I think in patterns...I map what I learn in my brain...and sometimes the patterns make me feel...if I look at them in a certain way...I can see possible future paths.

That's not magic. It's just a different way of looking at things.

And what if those who feel they over empathize, what if that is actually hyper-perceptive mirror neurons, that see divergently and not linearly, like most humans...who make empathetic assumptions?

I don't know. These are just speculations...my weird brain trying to apply science to better understand why so many of us have similar experiences.

And why autism manifests slightly differently in girls.

Like men with pattern based thinking, it seems more rigid...with sharp and hard edges...like that of a building or in technology. But my patterns are organic, like the branches on a tree or galaxies...

Am I making sense?

my nana


my nana told me stories about 'the good neighbours' as she referred to the fae.
she would say that they swap their babies with human ones, and as i already
felt like i wasn't like everyone else, then surely this is what had happened with
me.

i used to imagine what it would be like if i found my way back.
for me, every hill was the home of the little folk, every tree had
a unique personality, and if you listened hard enough you could
here them dreaming, same with every aspect of nature.

i spent a lot of my childhood reading books high up in the plum
tree in the back yard, and trying to listen to the strange language
of nature.

That actually sounds eerily familiar to my own experience...even the climbing the trees like a little monkey (hence the belief I was an elemental tree nyphm), except I didn't think they left me. I was born a premie (spelling?). And my mom talked about it so much...I knew it had to be real. And I look just like my father, like it's uncanny. I'm a girl version of him. Which means I was mostly definitely their biological offspring.

So, the only explanation I could come up with...was one of my ancestors was fae. She or he copulated with a human...knowing the fae blood manifested itself every few generations, which meant I likely had other relatives (alive or dead) with a similar mission as myself.

Although I stopped fully believing this to be true in my young adult years, I've always secretly believed it was true...and that someday I'd figure out the full story.

Admittedly, finding this about myself kinda fits nicely into my theory. The idea Aspies or those on the autism scale have neurological differencec than everyone else is biological. Autism is genetic.

So...my weird brain takes all of this...and begins to wonder if the mythology were true, but humans got it wrong. Fae weren't magic, they were just so neurologically different, their thinking so vastly divergent from that of humans...that humans believed their abilities to be magic based.

But what if that weren't the case? Maybe if what humans perceived as prescience was actually patterned based thinkink? I think in patterns...I map what I learn in my brain...and sometimes the patterns make me feel...if I look at them in a certain way...I can see possible future paths.

That's not magic. It's just a different way of looking at things.

And what if those who feel they over empathize, what if that is actually hyper-perceptive mirror neurons, that see divergently and not linearly, like most humans...who make empathetic assumptions?

I don't know. These are just speculations...my weird brain trying to apply science to better understand why so many of us have similar experiences.

And why autism manifests slightly differently in girls.

Like men with pattern based thinking, it seems more rigid...with sharp and hard edges...like that of a building or in technology. But my patterns are organic, like the branches on a tree or galaxies...

Am I making sense?

 

[theminx]

Unlike some Aspies, I have quite an eye for fashion, and I still adore clothes ... though I don't indulge myself in it any longer.



I hate to admit it, because this usually pisses people off, but I really don't like most children. I find them rather tiresome and uninteresting. Once in a great while, I meet a child who is unique though ... one I can relate to. Those children are probably on the autistic spectrum too.



I've always thought along similar lines. I recognize the potential for abuse of the power if people were to be sterilized, and then tested for parenthood before reversing the procedure. However, if there were proper checks and balances, I'd still like to see something like that put into place. Overpopulation has been a big concern of mine for some time, and the problems with child abuse and just plain poor parenting. I think it should be a privilege to have children in this day and age, not a right. I'm sure that's an unpopular opinion with the masses, but ... oh well.

On fashion, I am similar. People say I've my own sense of style...which is unique, but definitely feminine. I have a shoe and boot fetish...and heart pendant addiction.

I totally get your love of clothes.

I only have my nieces and nephews to go on in regards to children. And I definitely think my nephew is autistic, though my sister won't admit it. But he's obsessed with computers. And speaks like an adult since he was 6. He's 9 now.

My older niece loves to read like me. She's 12. But she reminds me of me. No friends. A voracious reader. And she, too, thinks she's fae.

My other niece is hilarious. Her favorite movie is the reef. Then Splash. Then Jaws. She loves sharks and mermaids and will wax poetically about them for hours.

Admittedly, I can only deal with them in short bursts, which makes me feel bad. But they understand me better than most adults.

I think we're among the few who things there needs to be checks and balances put into place regarding procreation.

Most women feel it is their biological imperative to reproduce, and are unwilling to see things differently, as a different view makes them feel like their rights are being taken away.

I get that, but parenting is more of a privledge...as so many abuse it as their right. I agree.

 

[qwerty]

That actually sounds eerily familiar to my own experience...even the climbing the trees like a little monkey (hence the belief I was an elemental tree nyphm), except I didn't think they left me. I was born a premie (spelling?). And my mom talked about it so much...I knew it had to be real. And I look just like my father, like it's uncanny. I'm a girl version of him. Which means I was mostly definitely their biological offspring.

So, the only explanation I could come up with...was one of my ancestors was fae. She or he copulated with a human...knowing the fae blood manifested itself every few generations, which meant I likely had other relatives (alive or dead) with a similar mission as myself.

Although I stopped fully believing this to be true in my young adult years, I've always secretly believed it was true...and that someday I'd figure out the full story.

Admittedly, finding this about myself kinda fits nicely into my theory. The idea Aspies or those on the autism scale have neurological differencec than everyone else is biological. Autism is genetic.

So...my weird brain takes all of this...and begins to wonder if the mythology were true, but humans got it wrong. Fae weren't magic, they were just so neurologically different, their thinking so vastly divergent from that of humans...that humans believed their abilities to be magic based.

But what if that weren't the case? Maybe if what humans perceived as prescience was actually patterned based thinkink? I think in patterns...I map what I learn in my brain...and sometimes the patterns make me feel...if I look at them in a certain way...I can see possible future paths.

That's not magic. It's just a different way of looking at things.

And what if those who feel they over empathize, what if that is actually hyper-perceptive mirror neurons, that see divergently and not linearly, like most humans...who make empathetic assumptions?

I don't know. These are just speculations...my weird brain trying to apply science to better understand why so many of us have similar experiences.

And why autism manifests slightly differently in girls.

Like men with pattern based thinking, it seems more rigid...with sharp and hard edges...like that of a building or in technology. But my patterns are organic, like the branches on a tree or galaxies...

Am I making sense?


That actually sounds eerily familiar to my own experience...even the climbing the trees like a little monkey (hence the belief I was an elemental tree nyphm), except I didn't think they left me. I was born a premie (spelling?). And my mom talked about it so much...I knew it had to be real. And I look just like my father, like it's uncanny. I'm a girl version of him. Which means I was mostly definitely their biological offspring.

So, the only explanation I could come up with...was one of my ancestors was fae. She or he copulated with a human...knowing the fae blood manifested itself every few generations, which meant I likely had other relatives (alive or dead) with a similar mission as myself.

Although I stopped fully believing this to be true in my young adult years, I've always secretly believed it was true...and that someday I'd figure out the full story.

Admittedly, finding this about myself kinda fits nicely into my theory. The idea Aspies or those on the autism scale have neurological differencec than everyone else is biological. Autism is genetic.

So...my weird brain takes all of this...and begins to wonder if the mythology were true, but humans got it wrong. Fae weren't magic, they were just so neurologically different, their thinking so vastly divergent from that of humans...that humans believed their abilities to be magic based.

But what if that weren't the case? Maybe if what humans perceived as prescience was actually patterned based thinkink? I think in patterns...I map what I learn in my brain...and sometimes the patterns make me feel...if I look at them in a certain way...I can see possible future paths.

That's not magic. It's just a different way of looking at things.

And what if those who feel they over empathize, what if that is actually hyper-perceptive mirror neurons, that see divergently and not linearly, like most humans...who make empathetic assumptions?

I don't know. These are just speculations...my weird brain trying to apply science to better understand why so many of us have similar experiences.

And why autism manifests slightly differently in girls.

Like men with pattern based thinking, it seems more rigid...with sharp and hard edges...like that of a building or in technology. But my patterns are organic, like the branches on a tree or galaxies...

Am I making sense?

that's so cool, i definitely get it, i have always assumed that the first mystics were more than
likely on the spectrum. the man or woman who is more interested in the patterns of objects/subjects
and their interrelatedness than playing the social game of collecting the most bananas and
vying for status.

i think the shamanic priest class probably emerged as the result of trying to understand how the
aspie had 'special' knowledge of the movement of the stars or plants etc
maybe because of the communication differences between NT's and Aspies resulted in a ritualised
interpretation by the NT's of the knowledge of the Aspie ie:

an aspie notices that where the carcass of an animal is left and decomposes the plants
near to it grow bigger and stronger, so he gathers the bones and scraps left by the hunters
and scatters it around some grain.

the NT's are amazed to see his harvest of wild grain is bigger and the yields are huge and
think it is magic, they have no idea of the connection between the dead animal remains
and plant growth, instead they see a connection between the observant Aspie and the crop
.
so they start to ritualise the behaviour of the aspie and their crop yields grow, the next
generation still don't see the connection between the decomposing animals and the plants
but still benefit from it because it is now ritualised.

the next generation is taught the magic ritual of sacrificing an animal for a bountiful harvest
and dramatically reenact the routines of the Aspie and still use his name.

the next generation are now performing an elaborate ritual sacrifice and offering it in the name
of the Aspie who is now remembered as a deity.

then people are praying to this fertility god and think if the crop fails their god is angry with them
and is punishing them, so bigger more desperate sacrifices are made to appease this god so it will
bless them with bounty again.

so they still don't see the connection between carcass and plants, instead they tremble in
fear and awe of the long dead strange wee chap who spent his days fascinated by plants.
all the while probably making fun of the strange wee chap in their midst who spends his
days, on his own counting stars.

 

[theminx]

that's so cool, i definitely get it, i have always assumed that the first mystics were more than
likely on the spectrum. the man or woman who is more interested in the patterns of objects/subjects
and their interrelatedness than playing the social game of collecting the most bananas and
vying for status.

i think the shamanic priest class probably emerged as the result of trying to understand how the
aspie had 'special' knowledge of the movement of the stars or plants etc
maybe because of the communication differences between NT's and Aspies resulted in a ritualised
interpretation by the NT's of the knowledge of the Aspie ie:

an aspie notices that where the carcass of an animal is left and decomposes the plants
near to it grow bigger and stronger, so he gathers the bones and scraps left by the hunters
and scatters it around some grain.

the NT's are amazed to see his harvest of wild grain is bigger and the yields is huge and
think it is magic, they have no idea of the connection between the dead animal remains
and plant growth, instead they see a connection between the observant Aspie and the crop
instead.
so they start to ritualise the behaviour of the aspie and their crop yields grow, the next
generation still don't see the connection between the decomposing animals and the plants
but still benefit from it because it is now ritualised.

the next generation is taught the magic ritual of sacrificing an animal for a bountiful harvest
and dramatically reenact the routines of the Aspie and still use his name.

the next generation are now performing an elaborate ritual sacrifice and offering it in the name
of the Aspie who is now remembered as a deity.

then people are praying to this fertility god and think if the crop fails their god is angry with them
and is punishing them, so bigger more desperate sacrifices are made to appease this god so it will
bless them with bounty again.

so they still don't see the connection between carcass and plants, instead they tremble in
fear and awe of the long dead strange wee chap who spent his days fascinated by plants.
all the while probably making fun of the strange wee chap in their midst who spends his
days, on his own counting stars.

Hahahaha! Exactly. That is my point exactly.