Whenever I’ve been in love with someone, I always feel like I will be with them forever. But that's not what happens. And I think I understand why. What attracted me was being enhanced by my brain releasing certain chemicals, and over time this enhancement fades, leaving what was already there but not really noticed, now more obvious.
What was fresh becomes familiar, and they do say familiarity breeds contempt. Little things start to feel bothersome, and without the drugs, these things are hard to ignore. But I still want to be together.
Then we seem to subtly try to change things about the other person, have them do something differently. It doesn't seem like much at first, to have them do the thing they always do, differently. But it means we’re no longer willing to accept each other for who we are, and I know when I don’t feel accepted for who I am, I normally don’t want to continue being around someone. But being a ‘WE’ somehow changes that.
We may be living together now. Have interconnected lives. Mutual friends, etc, and it's not easy to separate from that. I know I become very focussed on her, as if the life I had before was all about bringing me to this moment. The ‘WE’ idea overwhelms me.
I love her, so I’m willing to adjust, make it work, because together is better than apart. But I’ve had several attempts at being in a long-term relationship, and each time it seemed like this time it was finally the right one, but only for a while.
There was always love and friendship, laughter and sharing. Which seems to be what relationships are for me. Moments of experiencing connection, feelings of love, trying not to end up hurting or getting hurt, and hopefully learning something about myself. Becoming a better person. Growing up. And trying again, and then again, until it either works or doesn't need to anymore.
Being in relationship has been the most challenging times of my life. And each time I meet someone, and have that feeling that tells me togetherness is imminent, it's always intoxicating.
The biggest challenge has definitely been remaining myself without getting lost in the ‘WE’ idea.
The thing that ‘WE’ do. This concept creates a whole new persona, formed out of an idea of who WE are together. Both believing it. Both interpreting and expecting, often policing the other, to ensure it. Perhaps relationships where people spend a lot of time apart don’t suffer from this as much? IDK. But I have seen it in others and I just don’t like it. Is this a couple issue that is always inevitable in some way? Have you been like this?
What was fresh becomes familiar, and they do say familiarity breeds contempt. Little things start to feel bothersome, and without the drugs, these things are hard to ignore. But I still want to be together.
Then we seem to subtly try to change things about the other person, have them do something differently. It doesn't seem like much at first, to have them do the thing they always do, differently. But it means we’re no longer willing to accept each other for who we are, and I know when I don’t feel accepted for who I am, I normally don’t want to continue being around someone. But being a ‘WE’ somehow changes that.
We may be living together now. Have interconnected lives. Mutual friends, etc, and it's not easy to separate from that. I know I become very focussed on her, as if the life I had before was all about bringing me to this moment. The ‘WE’ idea overwhelms me.
I love her, so I’m willing to adjust, make it work, because together is better than apart. But I’ve had several attempts at being in a long-term relationship, and each time it seemed like this time it was finally the right one, but only for a while.
There was always love and friendship, laughter and sharing. Which seems to be what relationships are for me. Moments of experiencing connection, feelings of love, trying not to end up hurting or getting hurt, and hopefully learning something about myself. Becoming a better person. Growing up. And trying again, and then again, until it either works or doesn't need to anymore.
Being in relationship has been the most challenging times of my life. And each time I meet someone, and have that feeling that tells me togetherness is imminent, it's always intoxicating.
The biggest challenge has definitely been remaining myself without getting lost in the ‘WE’ idea.
The thing that ‘WE’ do. This concept creates a whole new persona, formed out of an idea of who WE are together. Both believing it. Both interpreting and expecting, often policing the other, to ensure it. Perhaps relationships where people spend a lot of time apart don’t suffer from this as much? IDK. But I have seen it in others and I just don’t like it. Is this a couple issue that is always inevitable in some way? Have you been like this?
