Love sucks !!!!

[GoofKing]

Rant time!

My girlfriend's mother is giving her hell and I think it's all because of me :/

Well her mother is the control freak type from what I've heard who's slightly abusive and acts like her daughter is never good enough for her and she's being a bit vicious towards her. She knows that the both of us are dating and is being really mean towards her. My girlfriend told me that her mother left her a note that she wants to start charging her and, I guess because she doesn't have a job, she wants me to send her money or whatever ... Do you get the suggestion ?

I hate our geographic difference and worry that she'd give up on me because I'm wanting to live out on my own and talk to a therapist about my anger issues. I'd love to get her out on her own and really stick it to her mother but worry that I wont be good enough for that.

Is she better off looking for someone else nearby her ?

She's a Canadian and is on the spectrum and I dunno about Canadian laws about dating an eighteen year old still in high school. Another issue I have is being ignored which I think is because of my own Mother ignoring me as a child. I've heard people call this 'Mommy look at me' disorder and is on my way to becoming totally insane.

Love sucks sometimes when all you could do is chat with each other because your still living with your Dad and have financial issues. She's the one and she shares my ideal that marriage is nothing but a piece of legal paper to show off your love on Facebook and that it oppresses people who are homosexual because society and the Christian scum think that gay love isn't love but lust! I hate Christians !

 

[Flinty]

She's a Canadian and is on the spectrum and I dunno about Canadian laws about dating an eighteen year old still in high school. Another issue I have is being ignored which I think is because of my own Mother ignoring me as a child. I've heard people call this 'Mommy look at me' disorder and is on my way to becoming totally insane.

The legal status of an 18-year-old in Canada varies by province. Age of majority is 18 in Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Ontario, and Quebec; it is 19 in all other provinces. (Note, fellow Canadians, that this is different from legal drinking age.) She has reached age of consent in Canada as that is a federal law.

That said, either way, some would find the relationship inappropriate.

 

[GoofKing]

The legal status of an 18-year-old in Canada varies by province. Age of majority is 18 in Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Ontario, and Quebec; it is 19 in all other provinces. (Note, fellow Canadians, that this is different from legal drinking age.) She has reached age of consent in Canada as that is a federal law.

That said, either way, some would find the relationship inappropriate.

Yeah she could do better than me, who's a fat and lazy twenty six year old, but she seems to have fallen for me :| I freaking hate my life

 

[Ereth]

I don't think anyone but your girlfriend should be deciding if she should be with you---not her mother and not you.

 

[GoofKing]

I don't think anyone but your girlfriend should be deciding if she should be with you---not her mother and not you.

I do love her and I agree, but I dunno if I'm causing her harm because her mother is threatening to kill her if she tells me about her new house I would really love for her mother to talk to me so that I could give her a piece of my mind, but that won't help at all and might get my girlfriend hurt ... I honestly think I'm doing more harm than good because she wants to meet me so badly and is even contemplated running away from home. I dunno what to do or what to say to her now ...

 

[Ereth]

You're not the problem. It's her mother who's the problem. (If somebody threatened to kill me, I'd call the cops!)

 

[Turnip]

I read your posts, and just want to urge you to be careful.

It sounds like everything you know of 'psycho-mom' is only as described by the 18 year old daughter; it could be accurate, or it could be completely false, and it's likely to be somewhere in between.

I'm all the more concerned because of the implication that your girlfriend may want regular financial support to pay her mother rent/board (maybe I got that wrong?). That sounds very strange to me... parents ask for rent/board for a range of reasons incl. trying to force their son/daughter to get a job, or even trying to get them to move out, but I doubt they want you to financially support their daughter while she lives there (ie. it's not likely to strictly be about money for the mother, I suspect)

 

[Crazi]

I'm sorry but this situation just sounds way too sticky. I would wait until she's older and independent, then you guys can be together but until she out of her mother's control then . . . I would not advise- sending her money? I'm sorry but that could be perceived as like, something really bad. Just tread carefully, my friend.
p.s. and I wouldn't advise trying to get her to detach from her mother for you either. I think your best course it to remain in touch but, to take a break. If things are meant to be, they'll be. Eventually.

p.p.s i just got all Dr. Suessy on you.

p.p.p.s and while I agree that I'm against the intolerance of some Christians, it's a little ironic and counter productive to hate hate. just, address it the best way you can- level headed. don't let them bring you down.

 

[GoofKing]

Well, she did note me about how her Mother left a bag of money on her bed and (after freaking out a little) decided to note her to discuss a plan if her mother did kick her out This is all my fault really and I just had to go and ruin someone else life with my sheer stupidity ... On the bright side, at least I'm being more responsible than a lot of the guys my age. I mean how many men have you heard hadn't abandoned the girl they loved over something stupid like things happening unexpected where their rushed into things or because the girl had a baby or is pregnant.

I'm glad that I'm taking responsibility for my eff ups ... Ugh, my dad is going to be pissed if he finds out that in a few days that I might have to go to Port Angeles to meet her in Vancouver and take care of her but at least when he cools down he might just respect me more for being responsible.

 

[Turnip]

Sorry, from what you've said I actually don't think your thinking is that atypical even from what an NT in love/under infatuation/feeling responsible might do. This situation, as you've described it, is not your "fault" though. This doesn't mean you shouldn't help, just that for the most part the relationship between your girlfriend and her mother isn't about you specifically.

It sounds like the best thing for you to do, IMHO, is discuss ALL the details with someone you trust and try to listen to their perspective, you don't have to change your mind or do anything differently, but talking it though WILL help, I am sure (even the action of telling the story to a lamp would help you to think about it possibly more clearly but a person who you trust to give feedback would be much better).

It sounds like you are close to your dad and you need to brief him on this soon anyway, maybe you could try and discuss the whole situation from the top with him and be frank about what you feel you have to do and why - he might be more understanding than you think, you wouldn't be the first to want to do "something stupid" for love/a girl.

Whether it's your dad or someone else, I do think you need to get a second opinion on the whole story (I don't feel we've enough details to be very helpful, but I think you should consider that there is more than what you've been told... sorry to repeat myself). I guess the situation sounds to me like there may be more problematic aspects than just having to convince your dad that your girlfriend has to move in for a while.

 

[Ereth]

I agree with Turnip. It sounds like your girlfriend and her mother have issues that they need to work through. But that's absolutely not your fault.

 

[GoofKing]

@Turnip

She appears to be missing in action right now

 

[Turnip]

I assume that means you've lost contact (rather than that the mother has contacted you worried)?

 

[GoofKing]

I assume that means you've lost contact (rather than that the mother has contacted you worried)?

Actually she stopped messaging me on Deviant Art and I'm worried because last thing she said to me was that her mother had left a bag of money on her bed and that her mother also doesn't trust me or whatever. This might have to do with the fight we had earlier last month where I left a couple of days after blowing up at her and is the reason why I'm so hesitant to meet her. I don't want to meet her until I get therapy for my anger issues but at the same time i'm a complete dumb ass moron for not calling the whole relationship off :|

Maybe I should just get the hell out her life because I don't really think I'm that mentally stable ...

 

[GoofKing]

I honestly don't know what's wrong with me to be honest :/ Why do I have to manipulate people and then make them feel as bad as I do or feel sorry for me ? Am I really that pathetic ? Why do I have to be so passive/aggressive towards my friends when I get delusional that nobody cares ? I feel like the worlds most mysterious enigmatic Rubik's cube, kind of before you get diagnosed with something ...

 

[Turnip]

Hey look, it sucks that I can only point out what doesn't make sense and suggest that you talk to someone IRL, but that's the very best I feel I can do in good conscience because I'll more than likely give you the wrong advice if I say more than I know or make too many assumptions. SORRY GoofKing!

Nothing you've said justifies the things you are blaming yourself for... but everything you've said suggests to me that there's likely more to this then I know. Try and talk to your dad, or someone you know, and if that really doesn't work I guess PM me with as much as you feel comfortable sharing and I guess I could try and help (am in the process of getting drunk though currently, so maybe I shouldn't be giving the impression I'll even be able to give advice in the next few hours... don't ask)

Anyway, try not to worry more than you should about the lack of response - it sounds like she may well just be not in a position to respond (eg. grounded from using the computer) - there's a combinatorial explosion of possibilities to consider when it comes to guessing what's going on

 

[Paige]

If you really hate love you will really like EVOL by Marina And The Diamonds, she basically says love is evil and stuff.