Lying and gaslighting

[Aspychata]

Compulsive liars do exist. I lived with one. Even if you prove them wrong, they still don't accept it.

 

[GypsyMoth]

I am trying to be supportive of his diagnosis but I do experience his behaviour frequently as abusive. Have I got it wrong or am I simply being naïve and letting him get away with manipulating the situation?

If it's narcissism, he could genuinely not see how he could be manipulating the situation. Also, this could just be his personality and not his autism. At least you know what gaslighting is and can identify when he's deflecting.

Trying to currently understand where the boundary sits between which behaviours relate to ND and which are just unpleasant unacceptable (chosen) behaviours that as an adult should be acknowledged as such and accountability taken.

Good luck. It's not exactly the easiest topic to research. Here's an article from Neuroclastic that I found helpful:

Why Your Asperger’s-Neurotypical Relationship Is Failing

(Now, it says it's part of a two-part series, but I have yet to find the second part.)

Probably a somewhat pointless exercise as without his recognition and buy in nothing will change.

You and I are rowing the same boat.

Essentially trying to work through my self doubt and make sure I’m not being unfair or incorrectly judging the behaviours/my experience especially as there is a diagnosis.
Again thank you all for your shared thoughts and insights here.
K

Well, you're not narcissistic! I'm sorry to hear you've been having such a tough time of it. I'm sure you really care so much about him, having been together for so long. It makes deciding what to do difficult, as there is this sense of loyalty and commitment that the years have made so relevant.