• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Maybe it was a blessing in disguise I got banned from Wrongplanet

Status
Not open for further replies.
It's possible to be a book nerd and an outdoors enthusiast, @Gerontius! :sunglasses:

I think the film Idiocracy has interesting stuff to say about mainstream popular values and pastimes. Many people who use the term "book nerd" as some kind of insult are really the sort of unevolved people who like to drink themselves under the table recreationally, use other people as objects for their sexual gratification, sell their own grandmothers, think "me-first-to-hell-with-everyone-else" and other stuff like that. Says more about the people saying it than about the person they're saying it to! :)
 
Misery said:
The truly sad part is, a lot of them are bullies of the most generic sort. The kind that will push someone around, keep doing that, over and over and over again, until the target just pops, and then... they will immediately forget about them. After a short period of feeling superior, of course. They'll then go look for someone else to pester. And when they're done with THAT person, they'll forget about them too. And the cycle repeats.

Chances are, they dont even remember you, because they never even bothered to take the time to get to know you even a bit. Gonna take a wild guess and say that none of them would remember me either. To that sort of person, we are just words on a screen... nothing more.

Honestly sometimes I feel almost sorry for them. To be stuck in that awful mindset, only able to get good feelings by putting others down... ugh.

Anyway, dont concern yourself with what those drain clogs think about you. They arent worth the braincells it takes to process whatever bloody stupid things they said to you. Bullies never are.
Click to expand...

I feel like I have bullies here and it makes me want to secede from this place but on the same token, I don’t want them to celebrate.
 
Speaking of consent etc, did any of you see this? Excellent film, really gets people talking...


No exaggeration there about what goes on in real life.

Of course, the lead actress was also previously in one of my favourite pieces of gothic drama:

 
Gerontius said:
All foolish jokes aside I've been hanging out more with the horse people and they are far more down-to-earth than the people who've been breathing rarefied academic air for too long.
Click to expand...

Academia can be very cut-throat and toxic, and tends to be a bunch of people in silos, which I think is one of the problems of our society - not enough collaboration putting the puzzle pieces together into a bigger picture; too much tunnelling.

So no wonder you're looking for down-to-earthers, and some horse people are that. The ones who actually like their horses and treat them with a bit of respect and as a friend, like most people treat their Labradors.

But you clearly haven't met the general show establishment (not everyone there, but quite a few) and many other horse "experts" and their devotees because OMG that is one toxic cult. Those are the people for whom horses are status symbols, lowly servants, desire robots etc etc - ego extensions, in other words, of really unhealthy personalities...

The backyard chicken people are generally a good bunch. But compare and contrast with the people who show birds - that's where the ego-driven people accumulate. Again, not all, but it's like how management jobs attract sociopaths at a higher rate than their proportion of the general population - i.e. they concentrate up there, like DDT in a food chain.
 
Kalinychta said:
Seems like men are taught that women are females/female bodies, whereas women see men as human beings. When you don’t think of someone as a full person, you’re not going to be bothered if you use, exploit, and/or hurt them.

That’s a nice story about your wife. Things definitely worked out for you. Did you have kids?
Do you think, in terms of biology and evolution, that it makes sense why autistic men aren’t seen as particularly desirable partners?
Click to expand...


I think it's important to be careful in generalizing regardless of sex/gender. It's not true that all men are taught that women are just female bodies rather than human beings and it's also not true that all women see men as human beings. One need only go on youtube and see full channels devoted to showing women mainly on tik tok who actually boast and brag that they see men as objects and are worth only as much as the money they may have. The point I'm making here is that generalizing about the individuals in any one group isn't accurate.

It's also not true that "autistic men aren't seen as particularly desirable partners". There are a good number of autistic men on this forum, myself included who are certainly desirable to our spouses/partners. There are also NT men who are not seen as particularly desirable partners. There are also autistic and NT women that are not seen as desirable partners and vice versa.

I say all of this in friendliness toward you. I may absolutely be incorrectly interpreting what you write and if I am, I apologize: It seems there are underlying thoughts that have been conveyed that men are bad and autistic men more so. Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts, in my opinion. However, no question, certain thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, biases, etc can be inaccurate and incorrect (ie generalizations).
 
@Magna, the way we read things always depends on the tint of our experiential lenses etc, and I know I've got a tendency to sometimes read things into stuff that wasn't actually intended. That's why it's good to discuss and clarify. That way we can work out if message received was message intended to be sent etc, and all of us learn from it. And yeah, generalisations are unhelpful and I'm still training myself not to accidentally make them - and therefore can get a bit pedantic as well. ;)

And while we're on the topic, misogyny in my experience isn't just perpetuated by males - the enculturation of it is also perpetuated by many females, in how they choose to present as female, in how they raise their sons and daughters differently, in how they treat female colleagues in the workplace etc etc. I think unfair treatment is sadly very common and I do tend to think that cultural factors are more of a causative agent than any biological ones - toxic culture I think has a far bigger impact than anything genetic here, and power also comes into it - who's in the power group and who isn't. And then people often "other" those with less power, and use things like gender, race, religion, football club affiliation and any other differences to the self to "justify" their behaviour...
 
Last edited:
Markness said:
You are basically saying that I should give up wanting a partner. I refuse to do so.
Click to expand...

Observing that some people consider ASD males as not particularly
desirable partners is not the same as telling you that you should
give up your quest for a girlfriend.

You took that on yourself with your interpretation of her question.
 
Markness said:
You are basically saying that I should give up wanting a partner. I refuse to do so.
Click to expand...
@Kalinychta is not implying that you should give up. If you look at my answer I do not recognize it as biological, but rather, if it is true, would be cultural and I could understand that a bit. When I started dating my approach in asking women out was rather direct and I think it is a wonder that I did not get more rejection. Directness is a common communication style for us. I think many women take such directness as neediness and do not respond well to that, though one rejection that I remember was very kind. Even that gave me hope. The connection that was successful for me was where I felt no pressure or anxiety. My spouse has told me that I came off as harmless.

Rather, @Markness , I think people here would like to see you successful in a relationship and be able to post such good news.
 
My original approach to meeting women before I meet my wife, was to write a detailed letter or note that I was interested in them got some well written notes back stating how flattered they were, other women were more direct just approached me a way a man would pick up a women. Turned the tables on me, must of happened 10 times but I was focused on getting my education,
not dating. Life can be bizzarre, and your perceptions, could be wrong.
 
Gerald Wilgus said:
@Kalinychta is not implying that you should give up. If you look at my answer I do not recognize it as biological, but rather, if it is true, would be cultural and I could understand that a bit. When I started dating my approach in asking women out was rather direct and I think it is a wonder that I did not get more rejection. Directness is a common communication style for us. I think many women take such directness as neediness and do not respond well to that, though one rejection that I remember was very kind. Even that gave me hope. The connection that was successful for me was where I felt no pressure or anxiety. My spouse has told me that I came off as harmless.

Rather, @Markness , I think people here would like to see you successful in a relationship and be able to post such good news.
Click to expand...

I am actually distrusted because I am not aggressive and aggressive men tend to be the ones who have the most relationships in the culture I live in. I will be 34 soon and I am already feeling like time is running out or maybe it already has?

I don’t think everyone here holds that view. There’s a few who even said the idea of me being a parent is “horrifying” and that I would be an abusive one. What does that tell you?
 
Last edited:
REMINDER

OP's topic as stated in the first post is:

"I initially spent months depressed that I left Wrongplanet, even feeling worthless and suicidal that I got banned there in 1 week, but I now feel proud to report that I'm happy I was banned from such a toxic environment and that I feel like this place is where I belong."

Additional replies should be directed toward that subject.
 
I tried using the website for like five minutes. Couldn't get into it, as everyone on there seems kind of bitter. Maybe I'll give it another shot in the future, but for now, I'll stick to this website.
 
FantaOpossum said:
I tried using the website for like five minutes. Couldn't get into it, as everyone on there seems kind of bitter. Maybe I'll give it another shot in the future, but for now, I'll stick to this website.
Click to expand...

That's the impression most people get. I hung on there for months, thinking it was the only non-Facebook autism group. (I'd never tell mainstream websites about mental health stuff.) But this one is quite nice.

By the way, glad you're here-- My laptop screensaver is a possum.
 
Gerontius said:
That's the impression most people get. I hung on there for months, thinking it was the only non-Facebook autism group. (I'd never tell mainstream websites about mental health stuff.) But this one is quite nice.

By the way, glad you're here-- My laptop screensaver is a possum.
Click to expand...
I wouldn't be surprised if there's more autism forums out there besides this one and Wrong Planet, but I don't know if I want to put in the energy to look. It's also completely understandable you don't want to use Facebook for these kinds of things, honestly. There's a good reason I avoid using Facebook as often as possible as well, considering their horrible practices.
Also, that's cool you have an opossum as your screensaver. Opossums are fascinating little creatures, aren't they?
 
Possums are some of my favorite wildlife--they're surprisingly gentle. I've handled them when I caught a baby one once, then when they turned up as bycatch on some trapping expeditions. They can be easily released without harm to the possum or to your hands--when they "play possum" they're easy to pick up, and they do have very fluffy fur. It's the Southern pine woods answer to the invention of "Squishmallows."

I think they're fantastic. They're easily tamed if you are so inclined, they're cuddly, and they actually make fine pets once they get used to life with people...have never tried this, but one day? Definitely.
 
Gerontius said:
Possums are some of my favorite wildlife--they're surprisingly gentle. I've handled them when I caught a baby one once, then when they turned up as bycatch on some trapping expeditions. They can be easily released without harm to the possum or to your hands--when they "play possum" they're easy to pick up, and they do have very fluffy fur. It's the Southern pine woods answer to the invention of "Squishmallows."

I think they're fantastic. They're easily tamed if you are so inclined, they're cuddly, and they actually make fine pets once they get used to life with people...have never tried this, but one day? Definitely.
Click to expand...

That's pretty cool you got to hold one! There's not a lot of them where I live. I didn't realize they were so soft.
 
I’ve always wanted a pet squirrel named Mr. Fluffikins. As a kid, I tried to catch wild squirrels in the park because I wanted to hold them and pet them. I never succeeded but I instantly ran after any squirrel that I saw hoping it would let me hold it.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

New Threads

Top Bottom