Meltdowns, tantrums or panic attacks?

[OkRad]

Have you ever heard of air conditioner? Get one and it will be fine. I have it for 4 years and it has made summer sleeps comfortable and no pain is summer anymore. It's spring now and, at least in my country there will be a lot of air conditioners on commercials and on discount.

They cost hundreds.

 

[Fino]

Perhaps you have a history of getting what you want by being difficult and so you're simply continuing that pattern.

 

[Dadamen]

Perhaps you have a history of getting what you want by being difficult and so you're simply continuing that pattern.

Well, getting relased from hospital is what everyone wants. When I was difficult these they didn't relase me immediately, but relased me as soon as they could, otherwise they would keep me for a few more days. The situation with a teacher was complex. I didn't write a test with other classmates and then she gave me a more difficult test also, she was very rude, so not only grade, but also her behaviuor led to tanrum.

 

[Thinx]

You're still a child, and those sound like tantrums.

The odd numbered ages are the hardest, developmentally. 7, 9, 11, 13, 15, and 17 are very difficult years for the person and the people around them to deal with. Those seem for whatever reason to be the years you learn (the hard way) that you are not the center of the universe, and that you live in a community and whatever you choose for good or bad has an effect on the world around you.

Kids at these ages often yell things like "I hate you", "You don't understand", "No one understands", and are more depressed than they were a year earlier. They feel like they're all alone, but what's actually true is they don't understand themselves.

But, just try to have an optimistic outlook, because we all go through it.

Actually I think it's 50/50 between the odd numbered ages and the even numbered ages, as to which are the hardest, developmentally. Then at age 21 a light dawns and you suddenly awaken to your adulthood; by age 25 you know everything, but then by age 35 you realise you know nothing. It's a breeze from then on...

 

[Streetwise]

Yes l understand. l am almost retired so l combat heat by just laying down. That really helps me. Laying down and relaxing has turned out to be my most favorite thing to do in old age. Plus l live alone so only l decide the To-Do list. lol.

Wear cotton for a long period of time so your metabolism starts to adjust ,in very hot times keep your Windows closed all day and night if the temp is over 25 and don't move about go out if absolutely necessary at night and eat at night like residents of the countries around the Mediterranean so your body stays cool.

 

[Fino]

Well, getting relased from hospital is what everyone wants. When I was difficult these they didn't relase me immediately, but relased me as soon as they could, otherwise they would keep me for a few more days. The situation with a teacher was complex. I didn't write a test with other classmates and then she gave me a more difficult test also, she was very rude, so not only grade, but also her behaviuor led to tanrum.

You're attempting to justify irrational behavior. Perhaps many people want to be released from the hospital, but how many of them lack enough self-control to throw a tantrum? And she was rude, therefore you have permission to behave a certain way. It's mildly sociopathic.

 

[Thinx]

You're attempting to justify irrational behavior. Perhaps many people want to be released from the hospital, but how many of them lack enough self-control to throw a tantrum? And she was rude, therefore you have permission to behave a certain way. It's mildly sociopathic.

@Fino has been doing a psychotherapy training, but seems like he missed the bit where they tell you not to use your newly acquired knowledge of terminology to label people. He's still waiting for the ethics module it seems, and meanwhile he's going around people's threads leaving offensive comments. Take no notice, I expect he'll soon get over this inappropriate behaviour.

 

[SDRSpark]

There's a very blurry line in some instances between going into a conversation with a goal in mind, then having a meltdown partway through due to whatever circumstances are occurring at the time, and behaving irrationally with a goal in mind.

None of us in this thread (most likely including OP, since they asked the question in the first place) know where that line is or if it existed in the conversations in question.

It's something important to bear in mind. After all, if OP knew that they were behaving irrationally specifically to accomplish something, they wouldn't have asked the question. They would just stop doing it (or not). The fact that they don't know tells me that there is something going on here beyond the typical tantrum throwing bad behavior.

OP, are you asking because you want/need strategies to avoid getting to that point? I'm quite certain we can help with that. (Hint: It doesn't matter where the aforementioned line is. Whether it's technically a meltdown or a tantrum doesn't affect management of the situation that much.)

Most people will say something like "take three deep breathes" but I haven't found that to be very helpful in the moment - by the time I get to the point where such intervention is necessary, I'm past the point where I can effectively utilize it or even realize I'm heading down that path. (Hint 2: it takes practice to know when you're about to lose it and intervene in time. It doesn't happen immediately, despite what people probably expect from you. You seem to be young yet. I'm in my 30s and I am still practicing.)

What I've found most helpful is to utilize strategies before I'm in any stressful situation. For example by managing my sensory input as a matter of course - don't wait until it's overwhelming, because by then it's too late. You'll have to find what works for you - perhaps if you know you're heading into a situation that could lead to confrontation (it seems that confrontation is a trigger for you) you could have a fidget with you if that is something you find helpful. (I have a spinner ring that I wear all the time - it doesn't have to be an obvious fidget.)

Go into any situation that could lead to confrontation with the understanding that it's a stressful situation (note that I don't want you to get worked up about the possible stress ahead of time, just be mindful of it) and keep the goal in mind to remain calm. If you are with people who are aware and understanding, you could work out ahead of time that you may need to take a break. You could have a code word or signal for instance that you are getting overwhelmed.

If you go into it knowing that a) it's likely to be a triggering situation and b) that your goal is to remain calm and aware of your reactions, then you can spot the signs before you hit the point of no return.

The only sure-fire thing I have found to stop a meltdown is to remove myself from the situation. That's not always possible. As I've gotten older, I've learned to internalize things more (I don't think internalized meltdowns are healthy, but they're sometimes the best option available). I have also found that I need to do a lot of boundary setting and managing others' expectations of me so that I don't get into the kind of situations that trigger meltdowns. (This is something that does get a lot easier as you get older - when you're not yet legally in control of your own life, you don't have the ability to set boundaries and avoid situations like you do when you're an adult. This is where hopefully your parents or guardians are on your team because you'll really benefit from the kind of support that allows you to say "this situation would be overwhelming for me and I don't want to do it.")

And again, this all takes practice. When people witness what they see as behavior that they don't like, they expect you to stop it immediately and tend to think that you can just choose to do that. It's not always the case. It takes a lot of practice setting boundaries, managing expectations, and recognizing mental/emotional states (that last one is very difficult in and of itself if you happen to be one of those us us who also have alexithymia - doubly true if you have ever experienced gaslighting in your life) to get to a place where you can actually remain in control at all times. The important thing is that you keep working at it. (The fortunate thing is that you ARE young - when you're an adult, the consequences for not being able to maintain control can be a lot more dire. So start practicing these things now.)

 

[Fino]

@Fino has been doing a psychotherapy training, but seems like he missed the bit where they tell you not to use your newly acquired knowledge of terminology to label people. He's still waiting for the ethics module it seems, and meanwhile he's going around people's threads leaving offensive comments. Take no notice, I expect he'll soon get over this inappropriate behaviour.

An accurate assessment of a person's behavior can be very useful, depending on the receptiveness of the individual being assessed.

 

[Thinx]

An accurate assessment of a person's behavior can be very useful, depending on the receptiveness of the individual being assessed.

Not sure who you are quoting here, but it also depends on your ability to frame it usefully. Which currently you are not doing. Also, you have no contract with people on this forum, and need to be very cautious about delivering harsh or negative material which in any case is not based on being qualified to do so.

 

[Fino]

Not sure who you are quoting here, but it also depends on your ability to frame it usefully. Which currently you are not doing. Also, you have no contract with people on this forum, and need to be very cautious about delivering harsh or negative material which in any case is not based on being qualified to do so.

How can you not be sure who I'm quoting? Is it not showing up? On my screen, it clearly shows your post.

 

[Thinx]

How can you not be sure who I'm quoting? Is it not showing up? On my screen, it clearly shows your post.

I meant, when you gave your opinion on why what you had said may be useful, that you were probably basing your opinion on something you had learnt, which came from someone with relevant expertise and experience. I thought this all the more, because you used the term assessment, and spoke of the 'person being assessed' whereas here on the forums we are not asking others to assess us, we are peers asking for others takes and ideas. You have said you are doing a therapy training, and the language used sounded like it came from that. If not, what makes you feel you need to assess your peers here?

And also, if that is what you are finding yourself doing, I would suggest looking at yourself, and wondering about how come you feel the need to assess others? One of my friends used to talk about how he could go into what he called Inflatable Jesus mode, when he was first counselling others, maybe something like that could be happening?

Also, there was a great film a good while back, I think it starred Mel Brooks, he was a guy who paid his therapist to tell him the hard truths, but the therapist got so into it he escalated into shouting critiques insults and even sky writing messages. So funny.

But take care, firstly for people's safety, secondly for their feelings, thirdly for the therapeutic bond or relationship; if someone was doing that, this kind of thing would likely and rightly, get you sued in real life therapeutic practice.

 

[Fino]

I meant, when you gave your opinion on why what you had said may be useful, that you were probably basing your opinion on something you had learnt, which came from someone with relevant expertise and experience. I thought this all the more, because you used the term assessment, and spoke of the 'person being assessed' whereas here on the forums we are not asking others to assess us, we are peers asking for others takes and ideas. You have said you are doing a therapy training, and the language used sounded like it came from that. If not, what makes you feel you need to assess your peers here?

And also, if that is what you are finding yourself doing, I would suggest looking at yourself, and wondering about how come you feel the need to assess others? One of my friends used to talk about how he could go into what he called Inflatable Jesus mode, when he was first counselling others, maybe something like that could be happening?

Also, there was a great film a good while back, I think it starred Mel Brooks, he was a guy who paid his therapist to tell him the hard truths, but the therapist got so into it he escalated into shouting critiques insults and even sky writing messages. So funny.

But take care, firstly for people's safety, secondly for their feelings, thirdly for the therapeutic bond or relationship; if someone was doing that, this kind of thing would likely and rightly, get you sued in real life therapeutic practice.

My interest in psychology began around elementary school because I didn't understand the people around me. Ever since, I've studied psychology and "assessed" pretty much everyone I encountered. I began formally studying psychology in order to be a therapist approximately the same time I first came to this forum 2-3 years ago. I've had no recent significant change in my training, and I believe I'm behaving just as I always have here.

I believe the fact that you learned of my studying to be a therapist has colored your perception of what I say and allows you to explain and dismiss the things you don't like of what I say. Personally, I believe your behavior has recently changed, as I've noticed you "confronting" people on a regular basis lately, and I remember weeks ago noting that you were being uncharacteristically aggressive.

If someone's behavior is childish and manipulative, I disagree that I would be sued for pointing that out.

There's a particular standard of behavior you hold all members here too, a sort of policing, but you have to remember that your standard is personal and imaginary and has nothing to do with what we actually do or what we should do. Your self-righteousness is misplaced and unfounded.

 

[Thinx]

My interest in psychology began around elementary school because I didn't understand the people around me. Ever since, I've studied psychology and "assessed" pretty much everyone I encountered. I began formally studying psychology in order to be a therapist approximately the same time I first came to this forum 2-3 years ago. I've had no recent significant change in my training, and I believe I'm behaving just as I always have here.

I believe the fact that you learned of my studying to be a therapist has colored your perception of what I say and allows you to explain and dismiss the things you don't like of what I say. Personally, I believe your behavior has recently changed, as I've noticed you "confronting" people on a regular basis lately, and I remember weeks ago noting that you were being uncharacteristically aggressive.

If someone's behavior is childish and manipulative, I disagree that I would be sued for pointing that out.

There's a particular standard of behavior you hold all members here too, a sort of policing, but you have to remember that your standard is personal and imaginary and has nothing to do with what we actually do or what we should do. Your self-righteousness is misplaced and unfounded.

So there's not anything you can take from what I said, because it's too confronting, and just my opinion? That kind of illustrates what I was saying, doesn't it?

If you have no meaningful relationship with someone and say something they don't want to hear, it will usually just irritate or upset them. They will reject it out of hand. Doesn't work for me, doesn't work for you.

 

[Fino]

So there's not anything you can take from what I said, because it's too confronting, and just my opinion? That kind of illustrates what I was saying, doesn't it?

I'm not sure where you got this from. I can't find any relation between it and what I said. Can you quote the specific part of my post that you're responding to?

 

[Streetwise]

Perhaps you have a history of getting what you want by being difficult and so you're simply continuing that pattern.

Have you ever thought the training you have had is for a neurotypical?

 

[Fino]

Have you ever thought the training you have had is for a neurotypical?

Except for the training that I had specifically for autism, yes, I've thought that.