AuroraBorealis
AuuuuuDHD
I mentioned here in the past that my memory is bad and that that frustrates me very much. After some thinking, I've come to a different conclusion. I don't have bad memory. I even have quite good memory. What I have is a bad and unstable attention span.
I was always a straight A student in school and also did well at university. I could and always liked to study - studying for my finals at high school was even an escape method for other problems I had, and I often hyperfixated during exams, especially writing essays, in the way that I'd "dive into them" at the start, and emerge an hour later, not having noticed anything else in between, and often not even remembering very well how I'd managed to write so much in the meantime.
I always was a very visual learner, and my go-to studying method was and is reading about something and writing flash cards. But I did also remember a lot of things teachers and professors said in class. I never had much problems focusing there. But then, I also find most things very interesting - science, language, history, geography. If I found something boring, I had more trouble, but there wasn't much I found boring in the first place. Paying so much attention in class was always tiring, but also exhilarating. At university, when the lecture's content was more dense and difficult than in school, I'd need to take a break sometimes, not paying attention at all for 10 or 15 minutes, and then I'd go back to paying attention.
But everyday life was and still is completely different. I can't for the life of me seem to remember things other people tell me. Of course I don't forget everything, but I remember much, much less than people expect and than most other people seem to remember. An anecdote: My partner told me something 3 or 4 times over the course of the last few weeks, and yesterday I still couldn't remember that he'd even said it once. Things like that happen often. I am the archetype of "out of sight, out of mind" - that also explains my clutter and my inability to keep a place tidy. I also forget appointments, orders I made, or things I needed to do - if I don't write them down. I keep a meticulous calendar, so I have a handle on everyday life. But it really bothers me that I seem so inattentive to other people because I forget what they told me. It makes me seem like I don't care about the things they tell me, which is not true at all.
Growing up, I had the habit that when someone told me something personal I'd really want to remember, I'd write it down right after they told me, and then I wouldn't forget. But I can't keep doing that all my life, it's too time-consuming.
When I told my partner all of this, he said that that supports our suspicion that I might actually be AuDHD, instead of "just" autistic. There are other things that point into that direction - my impulsiveness, my sudden immense enthusiasm for things that usually only lasts between hours and days, my life-long "hobby-hopping" (switching hobbies often, and each time getting really excited about it and buying all the stuff needed for it or contacting a club, just to lose interest after a few days), my inability not to interrupt people because I know that if I don't say things then and there, I'll forget them shortly after, my absolute inability to keep a place tidy and follow a schedule for longer than a few days.
I never really believed this because I did so well at school and university, and had no problems paying attention there. But then, as I said, I always found most things in school and at uni just very interesting. What do you think?
I was always a straight A student in school and also did well at university. I could and always liked to study - studying for my finals at high school was even an escape method for other problems I had, and I often hyperfixated during exams, especially writing essays, in the way that I'd "dive into them" at the start, and emerge an hour later, not having noticed anything else in between, and often not even remembering very well how I'd managed to write so much in the meantime.
I always was a very visual learner, and my go-to studying method was and is reading about something and writing flash cards. But I did also remember a lot of things teachers and professors said in class. I never had much problems focusing there. But then, I also find most things very interesting - science, language, history, geography. If I found something boring, I had more trouble, but there wasn't much I found boring in the first place. Paying so much attention in class was always tiring, but also exhilarating. At university, when the lecture's content was more dense and difficult than in school, I'd need to take a break sometimes, not paying attention at all for 10 or 15 minutes, and then I'd go back to paying attention.
But everyday life was and still is completely different. I can't for the life of me seem to remember things other people tell me. Of course I don't forget everything, but I remember much, much less than people expect and than most other people seem to remember. An anecdote: My partner told me something 3 or 4 times over the course of the last few weeks, and yesterday I still couldn't remember that he'd even said it once. Things like that happen often. I am the archetype of "out of sight, out of mind" - that also explains my clutter and my inability to keep a place tidy. I also forget appointments, orders I made, or things I needed to do - if I don't write them down. I keep a meticulous calendar, so I have a handle on everyday life. But it really bothers me that I seem so inattentive to other people because I forget what they told me. It makes me seem like I don't care about the things they tell me, which is not true at all.
Growing up, I had the habit that when someone told me something personal I'd really want to remember, I'd write it down right after they told me, and then I wouldn't forget. But I can't keep doing that all my life, it's too time-consuming.
When I told my partner all of this, he said that that supports our suspicion that I might actually be AuDHD, instead of "just" autistic. There are other things that point into that direction - my impulsiveness, my sudden immense enthusiasm for things that usually only lasts between hours and days, my life-long "hobby-hopping" (switching hobbies often, and each time getting really excited about it and buying all the stuff needed for it or contacting a club, just to lose interest after a few days), my inability not to interrupt people because I know that if I don't say things then and there, I'll forget them shortly after, my absolute inability to keep a place tidy and follow a schedule for longer than a few days.
I never really believed this because I did so well at school and university, and had no problems paying attention there. But then, as I said, I always found most things in school and at uni just very interesting. What do you think?
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