Mindset...

[mina]

It's a lot to take in! You're not alone there. The important thing is that you ARE here, and clearly you want to learn about us. And there is a much to learn. It can be as complicated for us to learn about ourselves, let alone try to navigate the thought process of the Neurotypical world.

I can't help though but wonder how helpful it might be if you could consider asking your partner to join us here...so he could learn more about himself through interacting with his own kind. Many of us are undiagnosed, so that is not any kind of impediment or limitation here.

I've learned far more about myself through interacting with others here. And I keep learning about things I never thought of before, such as all the potential comorbid conditions that can accompany ASD. In my case I have clinical depression and OCD...diagnosed many years ago which were likely more problematic than having ASD in all my failed relationships with NT women. Of course at the time neither they or myself was aware of our neurological differences. Self-awareness is everything....[/QUOTE

I was actually thinking about asking him. But would it be weird to see one another on the site, you think?

 

[mina]

Hi there! I am not officially diagnosed and do not intend too; there is just so much proof, as it were, that I am an aspie, and the process to find out, is very long winded.

I only discovered Aspergers 8 year's ago and thus, spent my married life believing I was an nt, despite how difficult my marriage is; we just thought it was due to my bad childhood.

No, he only reacts badly to burnt food! He always says thank you when I put his food before him and compliments the food and rarely lets me take the plate away.

Oh wow I have a math's phobia too!

Math hater here too! -.-

 

[mina]

Math hater here too! -.-

That's why I'm an English teacher and not a math one! Lol

 

[mina]

When I have to talk to my husband that I know will cause me to have a meltdown, I have taken to sending him an email and it actually is working. I am tons better typing my thoughts than speaking them.

My husband also thinks the same that if I know what is "wrong" with me, then I can work to get better. Like recently I discovered why I complicate things, because I concentrate on the details and not the bigger picture. Well my husband says: since you now know what you are doing, you can look at the bigger picture. Lol if only it were that easy!

When I am animated my voice raises but when I am angry it does too. So if I am excited, my husband now uses his hand in a downwards motion and it works. But he will walk away, when I am angry, so that my voice seems not as loud.

Aspies can up to a certain point learn how to do things, but it takes being gentle and encouraging.

My bf does something similar. He continues talking about the specific instance or reason of the current disagreement. And say the current disagreement is not a significant one, he fails to see why I must make such a big deal out of this. However, he is blind to the fact that this one "little" thing has been the last straw to many other "little" things. He cannot see past the tunnel. I have to explain the big picture and even after I do, it is hard for him to stray away from his original mindset even though he tells me that he does definitely see my point.

 

[mina]

When I have to talk to my husband that I know will cause me to have a meltdown, I have taken to sending him an email and it actually is working. I am tons better typing my thoughts than speaking them.

My husband also thinks the same that if I know what is "wrong" with me, then I can work to get better. Like recently I discovered why I complicate things, because I concentrate on the details and not the bigger picture. Well my husband says: since you now know what you are doing, you can look at the bigger picture. Lol if only it were that easy!

When I am animated my voice raises but when I am angry it does too. So if I am excited, my husband now uses his hand in a downwards motion and it works. But he will walk away, when I am angry, so that my voice seems not as loud.

Aspies can up to a certain point learn how to do things, but it takes being gentle and encouraging.

Suzanne, do you have any kids? Any of them have ASD? My bf and I are TTC.

 

[Judge]

I was actually thinking about asking him. But would it be weird to see one another on the site, you think?

Weird, perhaps. But also very honest. A few people are here in couples though.

But it could prove very valuable for both you and your partner to better understand who- and what he is.

 

[Suzanne]

Suzanne, do you have any kids? Any of them have ASD? My bf and I are TTC.

No, I have been pregnant but lost out! I have always wanted to have children, but since finding out about aspergers and how it is easily transferred I am glad to not be a mother.