Mom of adult son on the spectrum

[rcohan]

Hello,
My son is living at home with us. I am now retired and so is my husband. I wanted to
find a place to share or commiserate. My son is 27. Do any of you have this similar situation?

 

[Jumpinbare]

We range in age from younger than your son, to senior citizens. Most of us are on the spectrum, but there are parents as well.

 

[Crossbreed]

Hello & welcome @rcohan.

I am the ASD1 parent of children both on & off the spectrum. I have ASD kids in all three levels. My two ASD1s are married and have started families. My 30yo, ASD3 daughter is the only one still at home. I am her legal guardian.

My having ASD1 does not give me much of an advantage toward understanding ASD2/3 because their co-morbid conditions are so unprecedented. But you learn as you go...

Autism Subtypes...

May I ask if you are your son's legal guardian or conservator in some fashion?

 

[Rodafina]

Hello and welcome @rcohan. I had a similar situation when I was about 27, but I was the daughter, returning to live with my parents, which I still do 17 years later.

 

[Mary Terry]

@rcohan - My 34 y/o, non-verbal nephew lives at home with his 70 y/o ASD-1 mother. They live a very quiet life. He has never lived anywhere else, cannot drive, and cannot speak without the greatest of effort.

Welcome here. It's a great forum and I think you'll find it useful and informative.

 

[Misty Avich]

My 37-year-old brother lives with our dad and has never moved out before. He's somehow diagnosed with being on the spectrum but I don't think he is, as he seems more like personality disorder and bipolar. He did lie on his form when being assessed for Asperger's. I don't know why. But anyway, yes, he'll never move out and we don't really know what will happen to him if anything happens to our dad (God forbid).

 

[Mary Terry]

My 37-year-old brother lives with our dad and has never moved out before. He's somehow diagnosed with being on the spectrum but I don't think he is, as he seems more like personality disorder and bipolar. He did lie on his form when being assessed for Asperger's. I don't know why. But anyway, yes, he'll never move out and we don't really know what will happen to him if anything happens to our dad (God forbid).

Well, that's a surprise. You've always posted that you are the only neurodiverse member of your family. Now suddenly you reveal that you have an older brother on the spectrum. Like you suddenly told us that your "husband" was not your husband and that you were getting married.

 

[Misty Avich]

Well, that's a surprise. You've always posted that you are the only neurodiverse member of your family. Now suddenly you reveal that you have an older brother on the spectrum. Like you suddenly told us that your "husband" was not your husband and that you were getting married.

My brother ain't autistic though. I'm literally the only one in the family with ADHD and Asperger's and have always been the one with the least friends and the most behavioural problems.

Why do I have to use exact words? Does it matter if I called my husband a husband before we were officially married?

 

[Alexej]

Hi and welcome @rcohan
There are many different situations represented in these Fora.
I am sure you will find some of chat relevant and interesting.

Glad to have you with us.

 

[Outsider]

Welcome, @rcohan
Although I'm neurotypical (NT) like you, I still have to learn to use the website's software correctly, so the autistic members have me at disadvantage here.
My middle brother is autistic, our older brother is NT. It is safe to say that autism doesn't run in my family. My brother is at Level 2. Previously he had lived with our older brother and his family, but now he's on his own. I visit him every week. He's doing fine, thanks God. I'm not his legal guardian, and neither is our older brother.

 

[Jonn]

Well, that's a surprise. You've always posted that you are the only neurodiverse member of your family. Now suddenly you reveal that you have an older brother on the spectrum. Like you suddenly told us that your "husband" was not your husband and that you were getting married.

To be clear, you are one of my favourite NTs.

However,

Regarding your comment:

You've always posted that you are the only neurodiverse member of your family.

Are you using the term "neurodiverse" when you actually mean "autistic"?
My recollection is that Misty's overwhelming concern is about autism, rather than other diverse neurological conditions.

I think you need to consider what has been said here:

He's somehow diagnosed with being on the spectrum but I don't think he is, as he seems more like personality disorder and bipolar.

Misty's skepticism is in keeping with her previous position that she believes she is the only member, in her immediate family, that is considered/treated as being autistic.

Misty also said this:

He did lie on his form when being assessed for Asperger's. I don't know why.

Regardless of whether her brother is or isn't on the spectrum, Misty's belief is that he is not a true autistic.
This is an important consideration.

Regarding your comment:

Like you suddenly told us that your "husband" was not your husband and that you were getting married.

I have already addressed the fact that a de facto relationship is considered a marriage, in terms of legal benefits/obligations, in many jurisdictions.

Also, it is a generally accepted equivalent term in communities with comparable societies.
"Husband" and "de facto relationship" is essentially synonymous, in many areas.
It is here.

 

[Jonn]

My brother ain't autistic though. I'm literally the only one in the family with ADHD and Asperger's and have always been the one with the least friends and the most behavioural problems.

It is my recollection that you have been very consistent here.

Why do I have to use exact words? Does it matter if I called my husband a husband before we were officially married?

It doesn't matter, if you are involved in a casual conversation context, which most of the time people are.

I find it rather ironic, and amusing, that most of the problems I encounter, when using colloquial/casual terminology, come from pedantic autistics, not NTs.

 

[Mary Terry]

I thought NDs were lying-adverse. Guess I was wrong. A boyfriend is not a husband. A diagnosis of autism is a professional diagnosis. I believe someone's uneducated "feeling" about the diagnosis is irrelevant in the context of the OP's thread and likely useless to the OP.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I am lying-averse. I'm sure many ND people are, but we're not clones. There are probably some very pathologically-lying NDs out there.