Most surprising thing you learned about ASD

[UncertainAdult]

That thing: getting a little too excited by a topic, interrupting people in the process, going on and on, and this being all mixed up with adhd….

I guess the surprise was in realizing I’m not alone.

Not alone, and that it ok, and even sometimes a good thing.

 

[Ken]

I'm curious, for those who found out as adults, or are wondering if they are autistic, what was the most surprising common experience or symptom you learned about and didn't know was associated with ASD?

For me it's eyes. There was a test on a site that I will need to find again and it had pictures cropped to just the eyes and you were supposed to pick an emotion and I've looked back at it a bunch bc I can't figure it out and I like solving puzzles so it's like a game now. Also, I didn't realize it wasn't normal to find eye contact so unnerving.

I was very surprised about eye contact also. When I saw that was a common autistic symptom, I thought I didn't have that, until I actually started paying attention how I looked at people. Much to my surprise, I indeed cannot look at anyone's eyes. I can't even look at the eyes in a photograph. What I have done all my life is look a their mouth. I have had people comment about that assuming I do it because of my hearing defect. But, now I realize I can't do it even if there is no talking. It is just so weird to discover that I have never been able to look at anyone's eyes and never even realized that I couldn't.

 

[Ken]

The other thing I have fond surprising (almost a revelation) is the 90/10 percent communication thing. It has always been very perplexing to me that people would get very angry with me during a conversation and I could never figure out why. They would say I was being disagreeable or argumentative, when I wasn't - I was in total agreement. Then I learned that many autistics (certainly me) do not have innate control of their expressions, tone and mannerisms. For NT's that is 90% of what is being said. The verbal part is only 10%. That means that 90% of what I'm saying - in their perception - is uncontrolled and, thus, not what I think I'm saying. Since that is 90% of the communication it overrides the 10% verbal. I even tried an experiment where I repeat, verbatim, what the other person said and they still think I am arguing. This one was a huge surprise and is much harder to work around than the eye thing. But it is a huge help just to know what is happening.

 

[UncertainAdult]

I was very surprised about eye contact also. When I saw that was a common autistic symptom, I thought I didn't have that, until I actually started paying attention how I looked at people. Much to my surprise, I indeed cannot look at anyone's eyes. I can't even look at the eyes in a photograph. What I have done all my life is look a their mouth. I have had people comment about that assuming I do it because of my hearing defect. But, now I realize I can't do it even if there is no talking. It is just so weird to discover that I have never been able to look at anyone's eyes and never even realized that I couldn't.

I know people say make eye contact and I think I do when I initially walk up to a person, but sustaining eye contact has always felt awkward or agressive. I notice it now. I look at what I'm talking about or behind the person or something. I thought that's what everyone did. Never noticed until I ran across it doing research.

 

[UncertainAdult]

The other thing I have fond surprising (almost a revelation) is the 90/10 percent communication thing. It has always been very perplexing to me that people would get very angry with me during a conversation and I could never figure out why. They would say I was being disagreeable or argumentative, when I wasn't - I was in total agreement. Then I learned that many autistics (certainly me) do not have innate control of their expressions, tone and mannerisms. For NT's that is 90% of what is being said. The verbal part is only 10%. That means that 90% of what I'm saying - in their perception - is uncontrolled and, thus, not what I think I'm saying. Since that is 90% of the communication it overrides the 10% verbal. I even tried an experiment where I repeat, verbatim, what the other person said and they still think I am arguing. This one was a huge surprise and is much harder to work around than the eye thing. But it is a huge help just to know what is happening.

I have never thought about this. That is really interesting to consider. 90% seems so high!

 

[Suzette]

I know people say make eye contact and I think I do when I initially walk up to a person, but sustaining eye contact has always felt awkward or agressive. I notice it now. I look at what I'm talking about or behind the person or something. I thought that's what everyone did. Never noticed until I ran across it doing research.

I can't look others in the eye either. With the exception of a few family members. I look at the person in a general way.

One thing I noticed recently, I don't look at others when I am eating. I don't stare at my plate but my mind sort of checks out, so I am not really sure where I have been looking. No one ever says anything so I must look ok.

 

[UncertainAdult]

I can't look others in the eye either. With the exception of a few family members. I look at the person in a general way.

One thing I noticed recently, I don't look at others when I am eating. I don't stare at my plate but my mind sort of checks out, so I am not really sure where I have been looking. No one ever says anything so I must look ok.

I do this when I'm eating or waiting in line or something where im checking out like you said. My husband often looks at me wired and asks what I'm looking at, especially if it's accidentally at a person, but no one else has ever noticed.

 

[Ken]

I have never thought about this. That is really interesting to consider. 90% seems so high!

When I first saw the 90/10 percent number I also thought it was a funny, clever line, but as I started paying attention, I realize it is an exact fit to my experience. I even tried some experiments where I work really hard to maintain my tone, expressions and mannerisms, but speak mumbled gibberish and I get the same reaction as when I speak actual words. I have to admit, however that being blind to my tone, expressions and mannerism, makes that hard to judge. But I think the experiment is still valid because of getting a response to gibberish as if I had said something with real words.
I got those numbers from a RomCom movie titled Hitch. In the movie, the character, Hitch, is a dating coach. The line of interest is when Hitch is explaining communications to a client, Hitch says, "Sixty percent of all human communication is nonverbal, body language; thirty percent is your tone. So that means that ninety percent of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth."
Clearly, this is not scientific, but it fit's me perfectly.

 

[Raggamuffin]

I've read a lot of online articles regarding autism, yet this was the first time I'd seen this. It's with regards to anger triggers in autism:

Intolerance of imperfections in others - both physically and mentally, the individual may have stressors indirectly caused by people. Big noses may be one. High-pitched voices or people who speak too fast may be another.

I had pondered why I immediately fixate on what I don't like about people. Now, I'm sure a lot of this is my own sense of unworthiness that is projected outwards and winds up mentally tearing other people down. Same goes for an entire adulthood of depression - I think you become adept in that way of thinking, and can immediately pick out the negatives in situations or people.

Nobody is perfect - this is true. So why do I focus so much on what I think is "wrong" in other people? I do actually find it very triggering and it seems entirely illogical to me.

As a for instance, the new starter arrived at work. The moment I clocked eyes on her, I knew this wasn't going to be a good fit. Statistically it's a very low probability that anyone who joins our team is going to be someone I get on with.

I quickly noticed she was morbidly obese, laughed very loudly and in an annoying tone and everything and I didn't like her face. Pretty scathing assessment to do of someone within moments of seeing them.

Thing is, it doesn't seem to go the other way. If I encounter a beautiful person, that tends to annoy me too - moreso with a sense of fear and intimidation. As such it's pretty clear this entire mindset centres around my own feelings of unworthiness. I'm just constantly irritated I think. Mind you, I know that long term depression can cause anger issues, as can ADHD and Autism. So perhaps there's some rational explanation for it all. But it does seem very bitter, shallow and immoral to think like this.

Oh, she's off to lunch - and she waddles. Add that to the list...ach, I'm such a butthole.

You know, perhaps this can be attributed to mental health conditions etc. but me chastising others for what I consider ugly just shows the true ugliness lies within me, and yet I try to pin it on other people. In truth I find people who aren't typically attractive tend to be much nicer people. I've met a lot of beautiful people who knew it, and they acted with an air of arrogance. Maybe that intimidated me, because that arrogance just reminded me of my "holier than thou" mindset.

What a mess.

Ed

 

[Neonatal RRT]

90/10 percent communication thing

On that note: https://www.lifesize.com/en/blog/speaking-without-words/

Absolutely agree. Part of the reason why I will often explain to my students on day one that I have autism,...and what that means when we communicate with each other. I have also had to explain this to my supervisor and some of my co-workers. After years of being in a position of defending myself,...now with my diagnosis,...I am more likely to get out in front of it, so if and when those misinterpretations occur, there is a known context and perspective.