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MUTATION

Your entire body is as bouncy as a "super-bounce" ball...

Pro: It's like you are always stimming so you stay super calm.
Con: All the bouncing makes you dizzy.

You are now double your normal height.
 
You are now double your normal height.

Pro: You singlehandedly re-define "skinny jeans".
Con: Could you tie my shoes?

You are now... made of metal.
 
You are now made of metal

Pro I am resilient and can walk underwater also I will live a very long time and I look good in anything, people say I m a clothes hanger

Con I make a lot of clanky noise and rattle because I kind of really am a clothes hanger

You can talk with and understand animals
 
You can talk with and understand animals.

Pro: You become a world renowned diplomat, scholar, and activist in zoonotic ethics.
Con: Some people won't let you within shouting distance of their pets or livestock.

You can make any wooden object grow into a tree, and bloom, by touching it.
 
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You can make any wooden object grow into a tree, and bloom, by touching it.

Pro: You're in demand world wide as the leading botanist, able to
engender orchards and decorative plantings at will.
Con: You can't go barefoot on a hardwood floor without unwanted forests arising.

You hear in color.
 
You hear in color.

Pro: You use your synesthesia for the betterment of all humankind,
developing the very finest in modern marketing campaigns,
the likes of which those pesky poor people have never been suckered by, to date.
Con: Those pesky poor people.

You can see through walls, but not through crystal, glass or anything clear.
 
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You can see through walls, but not through crystal, glass or anything clear.

Pro: You office space has elegantly large picture windows, as far as you are concerned.
Con: You don't know what's in your glass at the dinner table.

When you are frightened, you emit the aroma of damp Shredded Wheat.
 
When you are frightened, you emit the aroma of damp Shredded Wheat.

Pro: Like a St. Patrick, or "Pied Piper" for mammalian herbivores,
you can "drive" huge herds of them anywhere.
Con: You are frightened of mammalian herbivores.

You can make your hair glow,
in the neon color of your choosing.
 

You can make your hair glow,
in the neon color of your choosing.

Pro: You fit in perfectly at any Grateful Dead tribute concert.
Con: You aren't taken seriously in the banking industry.

Your head is hexagonal.
 
Your head is hexagonal.

Pro: If you paint the back of your head
appropriately, you can drastically reduce
the likelihood of being struck from behind by an auto.
Con: Yer pillow s***s.

When you hear a lie, you instantly
pass gas.
 
When you hear a lie, you instantly
pass gas.

Pro: This is an invaluable asset in your line of work.

Con: You receive far too many probing offers
from alien researchers who want to study your talent.

You look like Marge Simpson.
 
You look like Marge Simpson

Pro: You are offered and guaranteed a lifetime of
lucrative stunt-double and body-double contracts:
You now "live the life" of Marge Simpson.
Con: You gain a very small but persistent group of
human would-be suitors.

You can speak to inanimate objects,
and they can speak to you--- and only you.
 
You can speak to inanimate objects,
and they can speak to you--- and only you.


Pro: You have an amazing ability to hold a bunch of things at once.
Con:You freak everyone out.

Bunny attached to the top of your head
 

Bunny attached to the top of your head

Pro: You attract the attention of men of all ages.
Con: Hugh Heffner's estate sues you for trademark infringement.

Classic stigmata on your hands
 
Classic stigmata on your hands

Pro: You are able to easily climb peg-boards
and similar obstacles.
Con: Covering your eyes just doesn't seem
to reassure other "hide and seek"ers.

You have the ability to camouflage yourself
like a chameleon, by changing colors.
 
You have the ability to camouflage yourself
like a chameleon, by changing colors.

Pro:
You blend in everywhere

Con: People don't acknowledge your achievements

You have two brains
 
You have two brains

Pro: You never spend good money on
calculators.
Con: You spend that money on custom
carry cases to keep your second brain comfy, year-round.

You can shoot lasers...
out of your moles.
 
You can shoot lasers...
out of your moles.

Pro: Entire continents start a bidding war to hire you as an ambulatory lighthouse.
Con: Dowts of felines follow you whenever you are outside.

Your eyeballs have stalks attached
that you can pull out.
 
Your eyeballs have stalks attached
that you can pull out.


Pro: You can supplement your income
occasionally by checking every public
lavatory's drain for lost rings.
Con: You constantly have horrible
eye infections.

You can fly like a bird, with difficulty,
by flapping your arms as hard as you can.
 
You can fly like a bird, with difficulty,
by flapping your arms as hard as you can.

Pro: You save money by not needing to take the bus for short trips.
Con: You're frequently shot at due to being misidentified as an enemy spy drone.

You are able to communicate with hibernating rattlesnakes.
 

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