My Aspie sons' support cat has died suddenly...

[the_tortoise]

I can understand your POV. I care more about animals then humans. (I care about BOTH very much). However, it needed to be said and within this thread! Because even if another cat is placed in the same home, there is no guarantee that the next cat does not meet the same fate. This devastation would be torture to the original poster’s son. I live near a big farm. They have outdoor cats, kittens, etc. You would think the cats would be happy to stay on the big farm -right? No, we find them dead on the highway. I know, because I have gotten to know all the cats from when they are kittens. I can identify them by markings, colors, etc. It pisses me off! I cry for days every time.

I want to spare the poster’s son from any further trauma! I did some research on New Zealand. It seems that the culture is one where everyone does keep cats outside, and the government was so bold as to proposing euthanizing all outdoor cats (due to predation on rare, near extinct species) rather than instigating a public awareness campaign to keep cats indoors. It’s crazy, because it’s very easy to teach cats to love living indoors (when they are kittens- but even free roaming adults from shelters can learn). Dogs too. It’s against the law (USA) to have dogs run wild outdoors anyways.

I am sorry if I triggered anyone, but it is important to think of the “why” in these events just as it’s important to NOT repeat the trauma again in the future. Is the property completely fenced in? Expensive proposal. Besides cats can climb over fences. Cats do not know the rules and will explore. I do not think the answer is to get another cat, under these conditions. Even the dog could be killed by a passing car. Or accidentally by hunters if that is going on around outside the property.

Your comments were inappropriate and insensitive, and continue to be so. This is NOT an appropriate place to debate this issue -- at least in my opinion.

OP wanted help to support her son through his current grief, your comments and arguments about keeping cats indoors do not offer any such help. OP did not ask for anyones suggestions or beliefs on the best way to protect felines from accidental death and you seem to be making assumptions about the nature of her son's grief based on your own personal ethics and feelings with no regard to the feelings/ethics of the OP and her son.

This is not about being triggered -- this is about being sensitive to other people's feelings, beliefs, and choices. I have never lost an indoor/outdoor cat to anything found only outside and I would have the same opinion about your comments if I had never lost a cat or anyone else in my life.

I will not read any further posts you make to this thread because I do not trust myself to refrain from responding and continuing to take away from what is supposed to be a support thread.

 

[Mary Anne]

Your comments were inappropriate and insensitive, and continue to be so. This is NOT an appropriate place to debate this issue -- at least in my opinion.

OP wanted help to support her son through his current grief, your comments and arguments about keeping cats indoors do not offer any such help. OP did not ask for anyones suggestions or beliefs on the best way to protect felines from accidental death and you seem to be making assumptions about the nature of her son's grief based on your own personal ethics and feelings with no regard to the feelings/ethics of the OP and her son.

This is not about being triggered -- this is about being sensitive to other people's feelings, beliefs, and choices. I have never lost an indoor/outdoor cat to anything found only outside and I would have the same opinion about your comments if I had never lost a cat or anyone else in my life.

I will not read any further posts you make to this thread because I do not trust myself to refrain from responding and continuing to take away from what is supposed to be a support thread.

I have addressed just how real the death of a pet is. To some non-pet owners it’s possible they might not understand just how deep her son’s love for this pet is. It’s possible that even a parent does not understand how deep love goes. It’s crucial to understand all angles of grief in order to help someone move on. And not to endanger a person to more grief by quickly “replacing” a pet, or not discussing what happened honestly.

I am not “debating” nor arguing” and your projections, admonishments, and judgements are unfounded, unwanted, and overly sensitive.

 

[Veruca Salt]

I'm so sorry for you and your son's loss.
I understand all to well being single mindedly focused on a tragic event and letting it suck me into the oblivion.
Being sixteen only intensifies things for him,
Such a tough situation for all and I really empathize with you as a mother of a teenager myself, and owner of three support cats I cherish beyond belief.

The death of someone we love reminds us that life is precious.
Without the lows, we would never appreciate the highs.
without death we could not fully appreciate life.

Perhaps help him to focus on this profound truth, when you feel he is ready or has languished for too long.
In the end it is always this realization that snaps me out of negative thinking.

Be patient with him, If he is anything like me, the sadness, and heartache, the memories that cause intense strong feelings plague him every hour he is awake.
This new routine he must now get used to, a routine without his cat is disruptive on many levels.

it aint easy being aspie
It aint easy caring for people who are aspie either.

best of luck to you both

 

[Homebrand]

Please keep cats indoors! They do not belong outside. Not ever.

Please tell me how this advice is helpful?!

 

[Homebrand]

I am not “debating” nor arguing” and your projections, admonishments, and judgements are unfounded, unwanted, and overly sensitive.

Also if someone is offended by your comments, very rude and arrogant to accuse them of being "over-sensitive".
Emotional responses are natural, not a personal choice as to what feeling one shell experience. Please take some responsibility over how you speak to people. Disregard for the opinions and feelings of others is not an attractive or admirable trait.

Also my apologies to the OP to be focusing on these comments.
I don't have much advice other than what a lot of people have already mentioned, but I do very much hope your son is able to work through the grief.