my family isn’t supportive

[Boogs]

thank you for your kind words.

i realize now that my context was a bit generalized. for the sake of time and not wanting to read a lot ill be short.

in december of last year i totaled my car in an accident. my mom and i currently share a car and have been using it to go places, ive been going to work with her some days to pass time until im officially on board with my new job. this would seem like an issue upfront but my grandma has offered her car up to me. we were trying to plan a day to get together, but she was busy. after talking to her yesterday she was very rude to me about wanting to take this job, she told me to “deduct my pay and commute to seriously see if it was worth it.” it feels like i can never win with my family.

Apologies but I wasn't quite clear on your Grandma's offer of the use of her car, are you saying that she's retracted it and was unexpectedly rude to you? Did I understand correctly?
If so (and again I don't know anything about her and whether this would be normal for her or unusual) given no other reasons, it would sound to me like someone has privately changed her mind? If she isn't normally rude in that way and you see no other reason for it, then it could be a sign of conflict (between members of her family, she's been pressured maybe?).

But I'm venturing into pseudo-psychology and there's lot's of possibilities I couldn't know about. Don't take this as likely, more I guess I'm saying to try and think of the possibilities and not jump to conclusions too quickly, whatever the situation really is.

But one thing is I've still not heard you say anything specific as to why the journey to work is such an issue (assuming the offer of a car was still open) and yet exploring possible alternatives doesn't seem to have been on the table. Purely from my own experiences, when the reason given is fully genuine then most people look at the aspects that are the problem and discuss or at least explain them specifically. When that's being avoided it tends to mean there may be something unspoken that's influencing their attitude.

 

[madisen622]

Apologies but I wasn't quite clear on your Grandma's offer of the use of her car, are you saying that she's retracted it and was unexpectedly rude to you? Did I understand correctly?
If so (and again I don't know anything about her and whether this would be normal for her or unusual) given no other reasons, it would sound to me like someone has privately changed her mind? If she isn't normally rude in that way and you see no other reason for it, then it could be a sign of conflict (between members of her family, she's been pressured maybe?).

But I'm venturing into pseudo-psychology and there's lot's of possibilities I couldn't know about. Don't take this as likely, more I guess I'm saying to try and think of the possibilities and not jump to conclusions too quickly, whatever the situation really is.

But one thing is I've still not heard you say anything specific as to why the journey to work is such an issue (assuming the offer of a car was still open) and yet exploring possible alternatives doesn't seem to have been on the table. Purely from my own experiences, when the reason given is fully genuine then most people look at the aspects that are the problem and discuss or at least explain them specifically. When that's being avoided it tends to mean there may be something unspoken that's influencing their attitude.

sort of yes, i don’t know if the offer of taking her car still stands. i talked to her the other day for reasons unrelated to the car and she said to reconsider the commute.

i don’t think the commute is an issue is what i’m trying to say, my family does. they haven’t given a clear reason as to why they think it’s an issue, they just do.

this was the only job that actually called me back, i applied to over 50 jobs in the past few weeks on indeed, ziprecruiter, and google.

 

[Boogs]

Have you been able to discuss (productively) how important the job is to you, and to building your CV and getting better jobs with more experience under your belt?

she said to reconsider the commute.

When you say commute, do you mean by public transport, and what does reconsider mean? To reconsider you desire to do this, or reconsider trying public transport (i.e. with no car to help - which could be reasonable if you don't have a car of your own (maybe your Grandma doesn't want to end up responsible for providing you with a car and worries it'll end up for a long time and she'll be obligated?).
If this is what you mean, I'd say that if the journey is within your safe ability to do, trying public transport is a good way of becoming more independent of family and able to make decisions for yourself more.

 

[blitzkrieg]

sort of yes, i don’t know if the offer of taking her car still stands. i talked to her the other day for reasons unrelated to the car and she said to reconsider the commute.

i don’t think the commute is an issue is what i’m trying to say, my family does. they haven’t given a clear reason as to why they think it’s an issue, they just do.

this was the only job that actually called me back, i applied to over 50 jobs in the past few weeks on indeed, ziprecruiter, and google.

Obtaining a job is horrible in the current economy and especially for people on the spectrum.

 

[Judge]

this was the only job that actually called me back, i applied to over 50 jobs in the past few weeks on indeed, ziprecruiter, and google.

Then stand your ground. Especially if they are unwilling to explain their position. Let them know in taking such a job, it will be a sacrifice on your part aside from one on theirs.

And that in fact so many of us on the spectrum have a very difficult time of finding work.

 

[Masked Man]

I still think it would be helpful to know exactly what happened when you totaled your car and the circumstances behind that. I can't help but feel like there's a very large chunk of information missing here to make an informed decision.

 

[Judge]

I still think it would be helpful to know exactly what happened when you totaled your car and the circumstances behind that. I can't help but feel like there's a very large chunk of information missing here to make an informed decision.

That would also be my concern, which I posted earlier. That perhaps this may involve an alarming increase in insurance costs best sidestepped if she didn't take the job. A consideration that reminded me of being a teenager when while I had easy access to the family car, there was never any discussion on my part about insurance costs and clearly no intention on their part of discussing them with me. As if it were "taboo" for some reason. But in my case, as I was a student and not yet working even part time. I had nothing to afford for even a portion of those insurance premiums.

The only other thing I can think of is that her mother may have been so alarmed by the circumstances of her accident, that she didn't want to see her driving on such a regular basis. Which I could also see as being the sort of thing a parent might not want to verbalize to their child, even when they are an adult. No one wants to know a parent may have a lack of faith in their child's driving, but I'm sure it happens in some cases.

But I still think it's worth emphasizing how important employment can be for us in particular, and that it could be costlier for her to continue to go unemployed mentally and financially, especially if she doesn't have any other references.

The Autistic Employment Conundrum