My husband seems to have no sexual morals?

[WifeofASD]

I have edited as I have had enough replies to come to a conclusion. Thank you

 

[Bolletje]

He's an ass.

 

[Fitzo]

He's just an ass...e!

 

[WifeofASD]

That is what I suspected. Thanks for being honest

 

[Gritches]

I really don't think ASD has much if anything to do with it. From what I've seen IRL and here, many Aspies are either asexual or extremely averse to any discussions of a sexual nature. Honestly, your guy sounds more like a psychopath/sociopath/ASPD

 

[Bolletje]

A little more elaboration: ASD doesn't give people a free pass to be inconsiderate.
Sexual preferences don't give people a free pass to do as they please either. I used to be fine with casual sex, but my partner at the time very much wasn't. So we discussed what would work for us both, which was strict monogamy. I gave up something as a price of admission for our relationship.

My current relationship started out as an open relationship, but as the relationship developed I found that I would get anxious and jealous, so I sat down with my boyfriend and we talked about how we both felt and what we wanted. He decided he would gladly give up the chance to get with other women, if it meant a future with me.

Which is just to illustrate that people on the spectrum are capable of compromising too

 

[Kirsty]

He sounds like a narcissist as well as having suspected ASD.

 

[WifeofASD]

I really don't think ASD has much if anything to do with it. From what I've seen IRL and here, many Aspies are either asexual or extremely averse to any discussions of a sexual nature. Honestly, your guy sounds more like a psychopath/sociopath/ASPD

There is definitely something not quite right with him. His brother is a narcissist and not quite right either. Very academically successful family. Now I am trapped in a marriage with a misogynistic ass. Weird because his childhood was lovely, totally normal. No abuse or divorce. Middle class. Wanted for nothing

 

[WifeofASD]

He sounds like a narcissist as well as having suspected ASD.

Yes, his brother is a narcissist (according to their mother)

 

[OkRad]

Dang. That has nothing to do with ASD. Most Aspies I know are VERY sensitive and honest. And many are downright afraid of sex for one reason or another. Ummmm.......I can't say anything other than ............wow

 

[Benjamin Dover]

I think the cause of it does not matter.

This reminds me of a story I once heard about a frog on a river bank. A scorpion approached the frog, with a request. "Please, Mr. Frog! Would you help me get across the river? I'll just climb up on your back, and you can swim both of us across. Would you be so kind?"

The frog said the he would do it, but only if the scorpion promised to NOT sting him. The scorpion says he will not do it.

The scorpion gets on the frog's back and they start across the river. About half-way across, the frog feels a STING! It was the scorpion, who stung the frog.

As the poison was starting to take hold, the frog was furious! He began yelling at the scorpion. "You said that you would not sting me!!! And now, you've just stung me! We're both going to die! Why did you sting me?!?!?!"

The scorpion replied, "I'm a scorpion. It's what I do."

I hate to tell you this, but he's a scorpion. He was up-front with you about the fact that he's a scorpion, when he told you how he cheated on his exes. Maybe he lead to to falsely believe that, somehow, you were different, and so things would be different.

He also sounds like a Narcissist; the kind who views other human beings as mere things that are here for his amusement and entertainment. He seems incapable of understanding feelings, or even why something might be wrong.

If he sticks around, then expect to get stung again. Apologies for the bad news.

 

[WifeofASD]

A little more elaboration: ASD doesn't give people a free pass to be inconsiderate.
Sexual preferences don't give people a free pass to do as they please either. I used to be fine with casual sex, but my partner at the time very much wasn't. So we discussed what would work for us both, which was strict monogamy. I gave up something as a price of admission for our relationship.

My current relationship started out as an open relationship, but as the relationship developed I found that I would get anxious and jealous, so I sat down with my boyfriend and we talked about how we both felt and what we wanted. He decided he would gladly give up the chance to get with other women, if it meant a future with me.

Which is just to illustrate that people on the spectrum are capable of compromising too

I suppose I was wondering if his lack of empathy could explain why he didn't care about my feelings or the feeling of the prostitutes. He has not cheated on me with prostitutes (to my knowledge). He is very cold, distant. Hates hugs...he doesn't see the point in hugs. If I cry he tells me that crying won't help the situation rather than giving me a hug. I told him I didn't want a birthday present this year (strapped for cash) and not to make a fuss. He didn't even say happy birthday! He thought saying happy birthday would be making a fuss. He can't do hypothetical situations, he just doesn't understand how a hypothetical situation in a conversation works. He can't out himself in my shoes or see things from my perspective. He has on occasion said the most inappropriate hurtful things without realising they would be hurtful. If he wasn't so cold towards me then maybe it would be more bearable. He said he doesnt realise he is being cold, that he isnt freezing me out on purpose and it is just the way he is. I think i believe that

 

[nowwhat]

This man is a creep and a predator. Put him in your rearview mirror and go until he is no longer visible. He seems to have the potential to do much worse than cheat, lie and sneak. Be smart. Your heart is sometimes your enemy and this is the case for you now. Use your head. Listen to those who have replied.

 

[WifeofASD]

I think the cause of it does not matter.

This reminds me of a story I once heard about a frog on a river bank. A scorpion approached the frog, with a request. "Please, Mr. Frog! Would you help me get across the river? I'll just climb up on your back, and you can swim both of us across. Would you be so kind?"

The frog said the he would do it, but only if the scorpion promised to NOT sting him. The scorpion says he will not do it.

The scorpion gets on the frog's back and they start across the river. About half-way across, the frog feels a STING! It was the scorpion, who stung the frog.

As the poison was starting to take hold, the frog was furious! He began yelling at the scorpion. "You said that you would not sting me!!! And now, you've just stung me! We're both going to die! Why did you sting me?!?!?!"

The scorpion replied, "I'm a scorpion. It's what I do."

I hate to tell you this, but he's a scorpion. He was up-front with you about the fact that he's a scorpion, when he told you how he cheated on his exes. Maybe he lead to to falsely believe that, somehow, you were different, and so things would be different.

He also sounds like a Narcissist; the kind who views other human beings as mere things that are here for his amusement and entertainment. He seems incapable of understanding feelings, or even why something might be wrong.

If he sticks around, then expect to get stung again. Apologies for the bad news.

Thank you. I appreciate your honesty. I don't think that I made it clear that I found out about the use of prostitutes from reading the emails between him and a woman he was sex chatting with. He went into detail with her about all his sexual expolirs but told her he had never cheated on his wife (me). He also told her that the desire to be with a prostitute again was high. I confronted him and he said everything he had told this woman was true (which kinda explains why he likes to role play me being a prostitute in bed). Rather than cheat on me with a prostitute, he can simply pretend I am one

 

[nowwhat]

Thank you. I appreciate your honesty. I don't think that I made it clear that I found out about the use of prostitutes from reading the emails between him and a woman he was sex chatting with. He went into detail with her about all his sexual expolirs but told her he had never cheated on his wife (me). He also told her that the desire to be with a prostitute again was high. I confronted him and he said everything he had told this woman was true (which kinda explains why he likes to role play me being a prostitute in bed). Rather than cheat on me with a prostitute, he can simply pretend I am one

Run, friend. Please, run and don't look back. For your son's sake as well as yours.

 

[Chance]

I’m certainly no “god” in the ASD domain but as a guy with it... This man couldn’t be further from anything I know as ASD.

I have so many freakish issues about touch, smells, and strangers that I even wonder how I squeaked out one kid. After that I sort of lost interest completely and I have never had a high sex drive at any level anyway.

In all honesty most ASD people (being the freaks we are at times) we are loyal and honest, even though we may seem weird and detached.

I hope he decides to treat you with the respect you deserve or gets himself some help... Not only is that degrading to you its risky to mess around like that.

 

[WifeofASD]

This man is a creep and a predator. Put him in your rearview mirror and go until he is no longer visible. He seems to have the potential to do much worse than cheat, lie and sneak. Be smart. Your heart is sometimes your enemy and this is the case for you now. Use your head. Listen to those who have replied.

When I consider leaving I worry about our ASD 3 year old. He hates change and has such a good relationship with his dad. They have a bond I simply don't have with my son. Obviously I love my son but he responds so much better to my husband. I also have nowhere to go and he refuses to leave. We live in a rented property with both our names so I can't kick him out anyway. I have a therapist who is concerned for my welfare so social services got involved and have me on a safeguarding thing (not totally sure what that is). He has mental health issues. We had an argument, he lost his temper and he saw red. I wasn't physically hurt but was scared. He has never lost his temper lime that before so I fear his mental health is detiorating. His mental health was fine when I met him but now it is so bad he can't work. He can be very sweet and kind but he can also be intimidating and scary.

 

[Keigan]

He is narcissist not Aspergers.

 

[Major Tom]

Sounds like an ass to me. I don't think it has anything to do with ASD either..

 

[WifeofASD]

He is narcissist not Aspergers.

Weird you should say that because his brother is an ever bigger arse and his mother calls his brother a narcissist. Their mother adores my husband though. She knows some if this stuff but still thinks he is wonderful