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My Mom is Autistic

MellyS

New Member
Hi everyone. I have been searching my entire life to figure out why my mom is so different. I had a eureka moment and was wondering others opinions if they think my mother has autism, or asburgers or neither.

Here is her in a nutshell:
She can not hold a conversation and in family dinners just sits and pouts until she can talk about her obsession (the bible).
She has a strict regimen and routine. It was even difficult for her to come to my wedding because it was on a prayer meeting day.
She rocks back and forth when she is sad, and if you try to have a logical conversation about feelings she breaks down and gets angry and cries.
She has no concept of personal space and is always in your bubble. If you are in a small kitchen she will stand in the middle and not move out of your way. If you are walking she walks into you constantly.
She is socially inept and very embarrasing in public with wait staff.
Growing up without a dad, she gave us very basic food and shelter, she never taught us to bathe, clean, how to read, and we never had any two way conversation. she talks at me not with me. If she cooked it was extremely unsanitary like using molded food, or cutting veggies on the raw chicken cutting board.
When my father left when I was 7. She parentized me. I had to take care of her needs, sleep with her so she wasn't lonely and hold her when she cried. If i didn't she would wale and slam cupboards until i comforted her.
She was never interested in our school, homework or report cards.
If i had a concert she would come but complain about it for months that she was so lonely, all alone with no husband at my concert. I stopped asking her to come.
She says inapproprate things, like if no one is giving her attention at a family dinner, she will call my husband fat and bald.
If you talk to her...she will say "what?" at every sentance because she isn't listening or comprehending.

any advice would be so greatly appreciated...do you think this is autism?
 
We don't do diagnosis here MellyS, we are people with Asperger's and other sensory difficulties. Your Mother would need to see several professionals in order to diagnose Asperger's syndrome. In fact after rereading this, it sounds as if your Mother may have a personality disorder, histrionic or narcissistic clues come to mind.

Are there any good things about your Mother that you like? Has she ever done anything that you approve of? There is a lot here that is entirely negative and fault finding. Before you attempt to diagnose your own Mother online it might be a good idea to consider her as a person first. And then working from there, read more on the other challenges/difficulties she may have had, bringing up a child on her own, with little help.
 
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We don't do diagnosis here MellyS, we are people with Asperger's and other sensory difficulties. Your Mother would need to see several professionals in order to diagnose Asperger's syndrome. In fact after rereading this, it sounds as if your Mother may have a personality disorder, histrionic or narcissistic clues come to mind.

Are there any good things about your Mother that you like? Has she ever done anything that you approve of? There is a lot here that is entirely negative and fault finding. Before you attempt to diagnose your own Mother online it might be a good idea to consider her as a person first. And then working from there, read more on the other challenges/difficulties she may have had, bringing up a child on her own, with little help.
 
Thanks Mia. I appreciate your reply. Unfortunately I can't think of anything positive other than she likes babies and likes to save people from going to hell...so she cares in her own way.
Interesting thought about a personality dishorder. I will look into that.
The reason why I would like to find a label for her is because then her behavior would make sense to me and if I thought it wasn't her fault, then her behavior wouldn't make me feel so sad.
 
Do understand Melly, know something of personality disorders, try this website it might give you information that you are looking into: http://outofthefog.website/overview/

I get the part about being sad about it, especially when you think these things are done on purpose. That your parent may have a PD might mean many things. Sometimes they simply have little control over certain ways that they treat people in their lives, although when I think about it realistically everyone makes a choice, and using a syndrome or disorder complicates it but does not make it impossible to practice free will.
 
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Have to agree with Mia. Hard to say exactly what her condition might actually be. I'd be reticent to blame all that on autism alone. This sounds considerably more complex, whatever her actual condition may be.
 
Thank you so much! I never really thought of that. I will totally check it out.
Mia, you were 100% correct! I went to the website you recommended, read the book "You're not crazy -its your mother". It is her to a T ! I am so greatfull that you suggested this. This knowledge really helps me understand that not being loved was not my fault. You have no idea how much this helped me! Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!!
 
Hi! lol. i posted to the wrong person thinking it was you. oops.
here is what I said:
You were 100% correct! I went to the website you recommended, read the book "You're not crazy -its your mother". It is her to a T ! I am so greatfull that you suggested this. This knowledge really helps me understand that not being loved was not my fault. You have no idea how much this helped me! Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!!
 
Mia, you were 100% correct! I went to the website you recommended, read the book "You're not crazy -its your mother". It is her to a T ! I am so greatfull that you suggested this. This knowledge really helps me understand that not being loved was not my fault. You have no idea how much this helped me! Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!!

You're welcome Melly, I come from a similar situation. And struggled with it for a long time, there never was anything about us that was unlovable, every child deserves to be cared about. It was about her, and her inability to love, likely because she never had been herself or because the personality disorder skewed everything. I've read Danu's book too. In fact it's possible that some of my own struggles may be in that book, changed for the general public. :eek: Let me know if you join Out of the Fog as I'm there as well.

Danu's forum doesn't exist anymore, and don't sign up for the tapping its available for free on youtube, she didn't invent it, someone else did.
 
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Just realized that you were meant to thank Sportster Melly. He was the one who pointed you towards Danu's book and website; daughters of narcissistic mothers.
 
I contacted Danu after seeing her site. Since she was wanting to put together a section for "Sons of Narcissistic Mothers," she was interested in my story.

I belonged to her forum when it existed, for many years. It no longer exists, unfortunately.
 
The forum was heavily moderated Sportster and only females were allowed as members for some reason back then. Danu and her compatriots were extremely anti-religious, you could never say anything related to religion or say things such as 'you are in my prayers' to empathize with people. No politics, or religion could ever be mentioned, or the following day you would be banned from the forum.
It happened to many people, it was her personal kingdom ruled with a heavy hand. So although there were many people there at one time, many were nervous of her. Lots of people who were kicked out of the forum thought she was a narcissist herself, I'm not certain of that myself, but they may have been on to something.
 
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You're welcome Melly, I come from a similar situation. And struggled with it for a long time, there never was anything about us that was unlovable, every child deserves to be cared about. It was about her, and her inability to love, likely because she never had been herself or because the personality disorder skewed everything. I've read Danu's book too. In fact it's possible that some of my own struggles may be in that book, changed for the general public. :eek: Let me know if you join Out of the Fog as I'm there as well.

Danu's forum doesn't exist anymore, and don't sign up for the tapping its available for free on youtube, she didn't invent it, someone else did.
 
Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT, (known as tapping) http://eft.mercola.com/

It never really worked for me, somehow it made me feel silly doing it. But it has helped some people in the same way therapy and yoga and holistic healing has.
 

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