My mother is a worthless woman, she just confirmed that again.

[Metalhead]

My mother told me she wanted to have dinner at my house, so I gave in and invited her over for spaghetti. She then said she was going to bring over wine for herself and my stepfather, and she did not like it when I told her no, she could not do that in my house. I am a recovering alcoholic, if she wants wine, she can have it in her house, but my house is a booze free zone these days. She kept on pressing the issue, saying that I was making a big deal out of nothing, so I decided to tell her this dinner was no longer happening. Mom then started acting hysterical while claiming I was being the unreasonable one, telling me I was behaving in an infantile fashion just because I kept my boundaries. A couple of hours later, she called me and asked me if my AA friends talked me into going off my antidepressant medications, because according to her, I was being unreasonable and I was hurting her and my "aggression came out of nowhere" when in fact she was being the aggressive one in this situation. All of this, just because I told her no.

I think it is time for me to sever all ties with her completely. Ties are very loose as it is these days, I have created a fair amount of distance between myself and her.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

My mother told me she wanted to have dinner at my house, so I gave in and invited her over for spaghetti. She then said she was going to bring over wine for herself and my stepfather, and she did not like it when I told her no, she could not do that in my house. I am a recovering alcoholic, if she wants wine, she can have it in her house, but my house is a booze free zone these days. She kept on pressing the issue, saying that I was making a big deal out of nothing, so I decided to tell her this dinner was no longer happening. Mom then started acting hysterical while claiming I was being the unreasonable one, telling me I was behaving in an infantile fashion just because I kept my boundaries. A couple of hours later, she called me and asked me if my AA friends talked me into going off my antidepressant medications, because according to her, I was being unreasonable and I was hurting her and my "aggression came out of nowhere" when in fact she was being the aggressive one in this situation. All of this, just because I told her no.

I think it is time for me to sever all ties with her completely. Ties are very loose as it is these days, I have created a fair amount of distance between myself and her.

Many people doesnt understand how people who are ressisting addiction suffer when exposed to the thing they are addicted to.

Everything is obvious after we learn it.

You may find some video explaining about that and sharing with her so she can understand (if she wants). Family relations may be difficult, especially with parents. We take for granted so many things.

Congratulations on staying firm.

 

[Metalhead]

Many people doesnt understand how people who are ressisting addiction suffer when exposed to the thing they are addicted to.

Everything is obvious after we learn it.

You may find some video explaining about that and sharing with her so she can understand (if she wants). Family relations may be difficult, especially with parents. We take for granted so many things.

Congratulations on staying firm.

Yeah, she is my mother, I may still love her, but now is the time to forget her since she has proven repeatedly she has zero respect for my personal boundaries. She still sees nothing wrong with going through my closet even though I have lived alone for two decades, after all. And she still feels entitled to know the inappropriate NSFW details of my sex life, even after I made it clear she was not going to have those conversations with me. She loves me as a possession, but she fails to see me as an independent human being, and my recent sobriety has only created more friction between us.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

If you allow yourself to think that:

Drink = Be on good terms with my mom whom I love.

Not Drink = Forget about my mom whom I love.

Then alcohol is winning this one battle. You need to put your mind like this:

Drink = Bad things.

Non Drink = Good things.

 

[Metalhead]

If you allow yourself to think that:

Drink = Be on good terms with my mom whom I love.

Not Drink = Forget about my mom whom I love.

Then alcohol is winning this one battle. You need to put your mind like this:

Drink = Bad things.

Non Drink = Good things.

Actually, forgetting about my mother would probably be a very good thing at this point. Never once in my life has she ever taken my side whenever anybody else seriously hurt me. She is quite literally proud of the fact that she has always been cold towards me, claiming that she thinks autism makes me too stupid to see the whole picture at all times. Her idea of "being strong and supportive" when I was feeling suicidal was to tell me that I did not need mental health care, all I needed was to smile and fake it until I make it. She has told me that it was unhealthy for me to not want to be around relatives who raped me when I was a child, because not wanting to be around them proved the rapists still had all the power over me.

Forgetting her is best.

 

[Aspychata]

So impressed you stood up to her and didn't waver. That took serious caljones. She is totally inappropriate with you then chastised you for simply standing up to her pushy bully behavior. I think all these changes in your life are really recreating you.

 

[Metalhead]

So impressed you stood up to her and didn't waver. That took serious caljones. She is totally inappropriate with you then chastised you for simply standing up to her pushy bully behavior. I think all these changes I'm your life are really recreating you.

Yeah, and my mother is really resenting me in sobriety these days. It was easier for her to get me to give in to her demands when I was loaded with booze. What kind of BS is that? She is a mother who liked it more when I was unhealthy.

 

[Aneka]

Yeah, she is my mother, I may still love her, but now is the time to forget her since she has proven repeatedly she has zero respect for my personal boundaries. She still sees nothing wrong with going through my closet even though I have lived alone for two decades, after all. And she still feels entitled to know the inappropriate NSFW details of my sex life, even after I made it clear she was not going to have those conversations with me. She loves me as a possession, but she fails to see me as an independent human being, and my recent sobriety has only created more friction between us.

Sounds like the overly complicated relationship my mother has with my grandmother. My grandmother has narcissistic features, it is very evident. It's gotten worse with age. Sometimes family members can be quite difficult to deal with.

 

[Metalhead]

My mother once confronted her mother because she disapproved of a relationship she was having with one of her close male friends after she became a widow. Then I heard my mother telling me she thought it was odd that my grandmother would think she was an owed an apology over that personal boundary violation. Seriously. My mother has no respect for most peoples boundaries. When she first got her job helping disabled people find work, she would tell me about humiliating moments these people were having and trying to play it off as harmless gossip, when I knew these people would be extremely devastated if they knew my mother was telling her friends about these moments.

 

[Metalhead]

Y'all wanna know something? Mom wants me to start threads like this. Mom wants me to be angry with her. Mom wants to keep on claiming she is the victim of my unreasonable anger while she is the center of positivity and healthy living. I fell into her traps once again.

It has always been a theme where Mom would say the most heartless and insensitive things to me, then she would gaslight me by saying she would never use the exact words she used, then she would tell everybody around her how much she loved her son who was always hurting her so much.

The only way to win is to not play, and here I am playing again. Goddamn it.

 

[Aneka]

Yes, it's always about getting a reaction out of you and gaslighting. Better move on to a topic you enjoy, you can not choose family and you can not change mum

 

[Metalhead]

Yes, it's always about getting a reaction out of you and gaslighting. Better move on to a topic you enjoy, you can not choose family and you can not change mum

True. My mother often tells me the most outrageous lies, just so she can get me angry with her, so she can turn around and claim that she loves her delusional mentally ill son despite how badly I am treating her. It really is a disgusting game she loves to play. She tells me I was never sexually abused despite my memories telling me the contrary, then she tells the rest of the family to look at her and how much she still loves me despite how delusional I am and how horribly I treat her when I tell her she is wrong. She tells me that I never told her how bad the bullying was when I was in school, even though I remember telling her about that many times and her response was always that I should be grateful that at least I was able to walk. She tells me she would never use the words "STFU" on me, as that is disrespectful, but I have RL friends who confirmed she used those exact words on me on multiple occasions. She told me she saw security footage of me at school being a pest to other kids when there were no security cameras at that school, then she held her ground when I pointed that out to her and claimed I lied so much she was worried I was starting to believe myself. I was a shy kid at school who was also a popular punching bag for the other students, but mom did not want to believe that. Whenever my stepfather threw a violent and profane tantrum because the house was not clean enough for his perfectionist standards, my mother claimed he was being perfectly reasonable and non abusive. But when I pick up a chair at school to defend myself from a student who picked up a desk to assault me with, she decided I needed chemical restraints and took me to a doctor who let her do all of the talking. And she also told me the kid who hit me over the head with a desk was extremely unhappy and that I should have tried to be his friend.

Screw it. Sobriety is making me feel everything.

 

[Matthias]

My mother told me she wanted to have dinner at my house, so I gave in and invited her over for spaghetti. She then said she was going to bring over wine for herself and my stepfather, and she did not like it when I told her no, she could not do that in my house. I am a recovering alcoholic, if she wants wine, she can have it in her house, but my house is a booze free zone these days. She kept on pressing the issue, saying that I was making a big deal out of nothing, so I decided to tell her this dinner was no longer happening. Mom then started acting hysterical while claiming I was being the unreasonable one, telling me I was behaving in an infantile fashion just because I kept my boundaries. A couple of hours later, she called me and asked me if my AA friends talked me into going off my antidepressant medications, because according to her, I was being unreasonable and I was hurting her and my "aggression came out of nowhere" when in fact she was being the aggressive one in this situation. All of this, just because I told her no.

I think it is time for me to sever all ties with her completely. Ties are very loose as it is these days, I have created a fair amount of distance between myself and her.

It sounds like your mom is emotionally immature. Is there anyway you could convince her to see a therapist? If she understood emotions better and how her actions affected other people, she may change how she behaves which might alleviate the problems you have with her and allow you to have a better relationship with her.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

Wow, your mum sounds like a antisocial person.

Im happy that this venting is helping you to make good deccisions, like free yourself from her.

We are here to support you.

 

[Aspychata]

When you stand up to her, it gives others like me courage to stand up and confront. It doesn't have to be meltdown Harley Quinn style, just straight talking and calling people on stuff, level out the playing field. I want to tell your mom, hey enough of this, you played this same routine for how long, newsflash, Forgetta about it or l going gangster. Lol

 

[Metalhead]

I recently told my therapist about one incident involving my aunt and my cousin. My cousin was one at the time, and I was 12 at the time. My aunt thought it would be funny to ask my one year old cousin if he wanted me to perform various sexual acts on him because she thought it was funny how my cousin would always respond to her questions with "yes". None of these acts actually happened, but my aunt still had her laughs at both of our expenses that day.

My therapist told me that the statute of limitations was the only thing keeping him from reporting my aunt to the authorities at that point.

But when I told my mother about this incident, she told me she did not know how she expected me to react to that, but that just made her feel very sad for my aunt because happy people do not do things like that.

I wish I were making this part up. This is the reality of my family.

 

[SusanLR]

Sounds like your mother is control centered and knows how to manipultate her actions versus
statements to get others to see her as the poor little me that is the victim.
Twisting things around so she is on a pedestal that others will either look up to or feel sorry for
no matter how she hurts you and others. I see her as desiring admiration.
And she knows how to play the game to get it.

Sounds very needy and goes about getting her want from people fulfilled.
Best of luck for your life and doing the right things for yourself!

 

[Metalhead]

Sounds like your mother is control centered and knows how to manipultate her actions versus
statements to get others to see her as the poor little me that is the victim.
Twisting things around so she is on a pedestal that others will either look up to or feel sorry for
no matter how she hurts you and others. I see her as desiring admiration.
And she knows how to play the game to get it.

Sounds very needy and goes about getting her want from people fulfilled.
Best of luck for your life and doing the right things for yourself!

Yeah, the really messed up part is that everybody else in my blood family thinks that my mother is my number one advocate, and they also think I have severe cognitive delays because my mother told them so. Never mind that the therapists I have seen in the last decade strongly disagree with that.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

You can just try to control and be responsible of one of the members of your family.

All the others are "external" factors that you cant control and that you are not responsible of their behavour.

Life is somehow similar to a cards game where we are born with some random cards we did not asked, we are not responsible of those given starting cards: country, culture, family, gennetics.

The game is about what we can acchive using those starting cards we did not chose. Some people are very bad players and with great starting cards make very bad deccisons and despite having good families, countries and genetics end in the streets or destroy their lifes.

Average players do average. They just follow the flow of life and do like everybody arround them. So if their cards are good they get to good endings and if they get bad cards get to bad endings. They seem not very interested in the game itself, like they are playing life while watching TV. They ussually blame their cards when they end badly. "This bad part of my life was due to my family, etc".

Good players get decent to good games whatever cards they get. You can identify us because we pass the next generation better cards that those we was given. That is our signature. We may not become rich non famous, we may not acchive some of our dreams... But we do an overall good game with our cards.

Pro players get increíble results even with nigthmare cards. They are the living prove of what can humans do, even if they are born on the wrong country, even if bullied, even if having no money. They stack good deccisions over good deccisions year over year untill they win their game. Many people dont like to pay much attention to pro players, because in comparison to them, we all suck. But they do exist and we can learn a lot from them. Some of those very suscesfull people do writte books that we can learn from.

Of those many pro players, I want to share one to you: Li Lu - Wikipedia

There is a documentary of him called: Moving the mountain.

You are moving your own mountain now, feel proud of being taking control of your life. As the great gamer you are, I am sure you will be able to do it.

 

[Metalhead]

You can just try to control and be responsible of one of the members of your family.

All the others are "external" factors that you cant control and that you are not responsible of their behavour.

Life is somehow similar to a cards game where we are born with some random cards we did not asked, we are not responsible of those given starting cards: country, culture, family, gennetics.

The game is about what we can acchive using those starting cards we did not chose. Some people are very bad players and with great starting cards make very bad deccisons and despite having good families, countries and genetics end in the streets or destroy their lifes.

Average players do average. They just follow the flow of life and do like everybody arround them. So if their cards are good they get to good endings and if they get bad cards get to bad endings. They seem not very interested in the game itself, like they are playing life while watching TV. They ussually blame their cards when they end badly. "This bad part of my life was due to my family, etc".

Good players get decent to good games whatever cards they get. You can identify us because we pass the next generation better cards that those we was given. That is our signature. We may not become rich non famous, we may not acchive some of our dreams... But we do an overall good game with our cards.

Pro players get increíble results even with nigthmare cards. They are the living prove of what can humans do, even if they are born on the wrong country, even if bullied, even if having no money. They stack good deccisions over good deccisions year over year untill they win their game. Many people dont like to pay much attention to pro players, because in comparison to them, we all suck. But they do exist and we can learn a lot from them. Some of those very suscesfull people do writte books that we can learn from.

Of those many pro players, I want to share one to you: Li Lu - Wikipedia

There is a documentary of him called: Moving the mountain.

You are moving your own mountain now, feel proud of being taking control of your life. As the great gamer you are, I am sure you will be able to do it.

My mountain does not have an umbilical noose strangling its growth anymore.

I know I have been very down and angry tonight. This kind of emotional meltdown was a long time coming. I knew it would happen eventually after I stopped drinking several months ago. I suppose it could have been a lot worse.