@Metalhead Your mother seems extremely evil, and I hope you somehow sooner than later never have to deal with her again. Very abusive mothers/persons like that never will admit to their severe abusive behaviors and very cold, critical, neglectful, lying, passive aggressive and manipulative ways, and that shows partly the extent of their irrationality. Instead, they love to blame the victims they torment, to either get some psychotic thrill out of that, to feel like the victim themselves deserving of pity, and/or to take away from the outrageous harms they are doing.
And yes, these types of mothers are often walking around showing no guilt but pride for what they do, or in putting themselves on higher pedestals than us. They crave that extra attention when we react back, and yet they can try to portray themselves as a great human being to others and distort and lie with a straight face. My mother had several of the traits you talked about, but truth is my mother-in-law makes my deceased mother look like a saint in comparison. My wife's mom is the devil. Although my wife wanted me to tell you all that, I clearly saw it during all my interactions with her so I would have said it anyway.
My mother-in-law is a monster, like yours too, yet tries to portray herself as some righteous, legal, moralistic and ethical professional. She talks in a very loud, fast, cold, serious and critical way. Nothing out of her mouth nor any action shows care or any love over the years but a desire to treat my wife and I as hated possessions. who she tried to control and keep down in every way through her heartless, mean and apathetic ways. Her statements, actions, inaction and treatments toward us during our dating and since our marriage 15 years has been appalling.
To start, my wife's mom is very materialistic and superficial, valuing social status and possessions more so than good character and showing love and care. She tried to break my wife and I up during our dating years and ever since our marriage, because I stood up against that abuse, was not professional enough for her to show off to others, and as I took her away from that abuse. The bottom line is my wife's mom is not comfortable around persons who want to have more peaceful and happy lives, does not honor one-sided written contracts she wrote up where she demanded we not have a lawyer--and she wants my wife dead.
How do I know this? She took out three life insurance policies on her since she was a child, refuses to give them up once we found out about that, says she is entitled to them and to benefit if my wife dies, kept saying and doing abusive things to her, throughout her life, and recently, to cause her to be involuntarily admitted, and as she kept calling cops on her for things that she herself caused her daughter, and grinning or not seeing upset whenever these things happened to cause my wife much trauma; crying to others instead about the pains she had to deal with.
As well, throughout the last fifteen years, after my mother-in-law wanted to talk to my wife again my wife tried to contact her back nicely a few of those times at my request to see if she could have changed, as it looked like her mother tried to craft an email those times in a way that was at least slightly encouraging, with nice replies then back by my wife back to her, despite frankly hating her guts for all the abuse she caused and from the emotional neglect too, and thinking she'd never change, yet her mother did one or more of three things on those few occasions, which did not shock us:
(1) Making wild accusations about her, I or us as a couple.
Like accusing her or I of not being who we say we were through emails, being some scam artists, racists, or I as some meddler in their mother-daughter relationship, which are ironically the exact things my mother-in-law was and is. I mean she is the scam artist (refuses to honor contracts she wrote up without a lawyer) , racist (against our bi-racial marriage), has meddled in our relationship by trying to tell others I was preventing her from seeing her daughter, which was the opposite as I am more the optimist and am a big believer in family bonds, if at all possible, because of my more optimistic ways.
(2) Plays the hide and seek game and does not answer any of those nice emails. It's as if my wife's mother was expecting some angry and emotional reply back to get more entertainment and excuses to continue her ways, to make my wife's conditions worse so she can see her suffer more, die and then financially collect and/or as she does not feel comfortable around nicer persons or replies. And so perhaps, this mother-in-law just wanted to trigger her more, to show she is in control more, as we live in different nearby countries, so as to rile her up so much that she is hospitalized again. Or did she just want a reply to see if she was dead or alive?
(3) Wanting pity, pity and more pity. Her attempted communications after any nice reply by us to her often showed how she was so lonely, mistreated by us, or how she is some perfect mom, which is said with purpose not to resolve anything, but to inflame. Whether she believes what she says or not, she is a despicable human being, and your mother Metal Head seems that way too.. As a very positive person, I often see the good in persons and situations, but certain persons cannot be forgiven, as if they continue their ways, make no efforts to change positively, cannot admit their wrongs, and continue to harm persons who want a better life, then they deserve no respect, sympathy or care from me and my family.
All I can say is what goes around comes around for these types. In our case, we are fighting back in legal ways, and will be getting a lawyer soon. She needs to take responsibility for those big wrongs, and refusal to honor prior legal contracts. Mothers aren't immune to severe wrongs too which can mess up their children forever. As soon as they are held accountable too, this world will be a better and safer place. So, I am really sorry you have a crappy mother too. You deserve much better than that.
