That diminishes to a certain extent in a seller's market. We still get picked last, but they eventually get to us. On the plus side, we get to surprise them a little. (I got a patent for one company that I worked for.)
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MY PARTNER JUST TOLD SOMEONE IM AUTISTIC WITHOUT MY CONSENT
- Thread starter JuniperBug
- Start date
So much good information here. I had an experience at work where my well meaning co-workers tried to draw me into a conversation about autism. They know I am an Aspie, but we had never discussed it at length. I did not feel like discussing it because I felt it would feed the office gossip pool and I don't need, nor want, that type of attention. They probably will talk about me anyway, but at least I have the satisfaction of keeping my boundaries intact. I have a support network of Aspies in recovery, and we provide each other with the support and anonymity we need. Another aspect of Aspergers that I detest is someone treating me with pity. I am not disabled. I am uniquely able. I do not even consider myself on a spectrum. Nuerotypicals are on a spectrum. Aspies are off the spectrum. They fit neatly into their cookie cutter lifestyle. A lifestyle that drove me mad. I seek the road less traveled and blaze my own path without their support. At times I feel pity for nuerotypicals who dare not step off their spectrum less they bring disorder to their cookie cutter world.
I still accept the term "handicapped," as in "being at a minor disadvantage."
A saying that puts this in perspective for me: "What other people think or say about me is none of my business."
Labels, labels, labels. All have inherent value. A "handicapped" person may get some pity but a "disabled" person is supported by the full financial and legal backing of the ADA.
I see Aspergers (as opposed to LFA) as being on the same level as being left-handed or having a stutter. It is different enough so as to be marginalized, but not a true disability.
It hinders my ability to get work, but not to do work.
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That is a distinction only an Aspie would note.
From the perspective of the NT population: do you think it would be easier to change the workplace to accommodate an Aspie or for an Aspie to find ways to accommodate a difficult workplace?
Outside of a seller's market-borne necessity, I really don't know.
My grandma has been telling people I'm autistic since before my official diagnosis even. Occasionally she even uses it as a reason to me, for my own behaviour. She's told grocery cashiers, bank clerks, my school and people who used to bully me, etc. It's embarrassing when I don't want someone to know and she tells them. So I feel for you. She's done it at jobs I've had too.
Kit
Well-Known Member
My husband has told other people about mine and I was never fond of it but to him it was important so they wouldn't think I was asocial or rude or get any wrong ideas about me but my mom won't tell anyone. She will say things like I'm tired or I'm hungry or we just got back from somewhere. But however y mom is open about my anxiety and OCD diagnoses though I believe the OCD label might be wrong because I had been reading about it and it doesn't seem to all fit because I have had tenancies but the way my mom describes it about me is all wrong. I have experienced true OCD symptoms so I know the difference.
You are blessed that your manifestation of AS allows you to experience it as "not a true disability". As for me, I would say that AS would be somewhere between LFA and "being left-handed".
It's definitely not like that for me. My autism hinders every part of my life. I wouldn't be me without it, but at the same time I wonder if that Would be a good thing. It effects how I perform in most settings, if not all.
ilovetochat87
Well-Known Member
I think the whole thing about "you don't look autistic " since I have had that said to me just means that people assume you can tell by looking at somebody if they have a disability. Really the only disabilities you can tell by looking at them are like down syndrome and if somebody is in a wheelchair you can kind of guess that it was either a car accident or they have spina bifida but otherwise you really can't tell just by looking at somebody if they do or do not have a disability you kind of have to talk to the person and then react to what you say or do and then you kind of get a feel the way that person acted kind of makes them appear as though they might be autistic by the responses that they gave and given that I have autism or I should say aspergers I can say very nicely that I could easily take it out like if I was talking to somebody and they did not appear one bit that they had a disability or didn't have disability they just were a person And then I talked to them and their responses are very much in aspergers response I could tell you that easy but somebody that doesn't have it or doesn't llive or work around it probably would not know if they talked to an autistic person that they were talking to an autistic person. and I always get told "you have aspergers?! I would've never guessed that. You don't seem at all like you have that. You talk so fluently and you look me in the eyes and you pace yourself and you have good intellectual conversation . " But the thing of it is I do those things because I was taught those things. growing up as a child I was obviously more on the high functioning side but I did do some strange things that were clearly on the spectrum like of course I learned to talk real early and that's a sign of aspergers not autism because autism doesn't really talk much if any and they talk late if they ever do learn and I talked very very very quickly like earlier than most and I just wouldn't shut up for nothing just babbling about baby stuff in my car seat every chance I got. but I did do things like curl my toes under and I just sit on a chair or sit on my bed or sit on the couch and curl my toes under and squish them into the carpet and I like to make that fish that my feet and just push them into the carpet fibers or when I'm in the bathroom I did the same thing while I sit just call my feet under and relax that's just something I do I don't walk on them like that because it's painful but I like the sensation of the pressure when I call my toes under and push them into the carpet and just sit like that while I'm on the counter in the chair or what not and I sometimes like to sleep with my hands cold in very much the same way as my feet but I do this when I sleep and I've never figured out why I don't know it's just what I do but it gives me severe carpal tunnel when I wake up in the morning and my fingers are swollen as Frick and I get really bad golfers which is the crux of your elbow. I get tennis elbow to which is pain in the outside of your elbow but I mostly get the golfers elbow which is painted the inner part of your elbow the crux tonight wake up in the morning because I slept with my arms bent in all night and I don't know if that's an aspergers type thing because I like to call my toes in I don't know if that's the thing that's related but I definitely have autistic like tendencies and behaviors that I don't do as much as I used to Binefar because of course I am on the high functioning site and I grow up out of those behaviors and they don't stay with me as if I were on the lower functioning side of the spectrum. that I still do carry a few of the things I did as a kid like curling my toes and talking and bending of my arms when I sleep and curling my wrists in as far as they will go when I'm sleeping at night and like I said that might be an autistic movement. and I do have trouble with getting social anxiety if I haven't been around people a lot but if I find myself in a period where I am around people a lot and I'm going out in social environments a lot I start to lessen those social anxieties and those autistic social behaviors like not looking people in the eyes or stuttering or panicking and not knowing what I want to say and getting nervous and scared if I'm around a lot of people a lot I act more adult and I act less aspergers but lately I haven't really been around a lot of people because a couple of my friends are going through pregnancy stuff and they're gonna be having babies soon so they haven't been able to hang out as much and my roommate who I was best friends with since high school is no longer my roommate because of some trouble she caused and blamed it on me and made everybody upset with me and my mom told her to get out of the apartment because I'm on sublet the apartment to us since we didn't make enough to qualify that was the only way to be like a cosigner for us so she kicked my Renée out and I'm no longer friends with her so I haven't really had as much social interaction lately as I have in the past so I become a little bit more anxious I haven't had as much face-to-face interaction so I don't look people in the eyes as much as I should and I know I need to so I am trying to be conscious about it but I'm nervous. but if I get back into the routine again I will be more face-to-face conversation so I will be more conscious of the need to look people in the eyes and I will get back into that routine it's all about mind over matter and I've learned how to do mind over matter when you're scared of something try to think of something happy that's not scary and try to calm yourself try to do something different than what you are not capable of doing and make yourself do that thing and you will be more able to do it through lots of practice and repetition and making yourself do that and that's what mind over matter is and I don't appear as much aspergers but when people start and meet me and hang out with anymore then they say oh after hanging out with you I can definitely see it but initially at first meet I wouldn't have thought that even if you told me but after hanging out with you I see the little things that you don't notice if you're just acquaintances but once you become friends and hang out yes you do know is that but yes people say you don't look like you have aspergers or you don't seem like you have aspergers but people think you can automatically just tell within seconds of knowing somebody and that's not true unless you actually have aspergers . If you have it then it's like gaydar if you will is the same kind of thing you can just pick it out . Like if I was in a situation where there were 500 people and only one of those 500 people had aspergers I could stand outside the crowd and watch all 500 of them and I can walk in and out of the crowd through the crowd etc. and look at the behaviors of the people as I'm passing them and pick out the one that had aspergers easily because I know it firsthand and I know what I'm looking for given that I do the same things though I do them on different levels but I still do the same things. but sadly there is a misconception that you can tell just by looking at somebody but that's not true lest you have it yourself
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ilovetochat87
Well-Known Member
In America which is where I live I know that 99% if not all work places are not allowed to discriminate against someone because of age, race, sexuality, gender, or disability and disability means physical or mental . and most places if not all do not agree with using the "R word" meaning retard. I know in a lot of placesI see signs that saythings against using the R wordand they actually say "R word" instead of saying "retardation". and I've grown up with this idea that you don't really want to tell anybody your disability but now that I'm older it kind of helps me a little bit like when I am trying to find a potential date potential boyfriend sometimes it turns into we talk for a few weeks and they decide they're pretty comfortable with the conversations and they want to take it further and actually meet in person so they say do you want to meet for coffee or do you want to go to dinner sometime and I say sure where and they say how about you meet me at such and such place and I panic and I think if I tell this person I have a disability and therefore cannot drive and was told no I'm driving by a professional what are they gonna do but at the same time I have to tell them so they don't think that I'm being one-sided about not driving and making them do it because I'm unwilling. so I tell them I cannot drive and they say oh well that's okay maybe I could pick you up but I will teach you to drive sometime it's pretty easy. and I explained to them I cannot drive legally because I can't stay in my lane I like to veer left and I for some reason have trouble with depth perception and I don't stay in the middle of my lane I kind of write the lines between the left and right lanes like the double lines and I forget to use my signal because I can't process more than one thing at a time and I don't always register speed perception and I don't pay attention well so I miss exits and it's kind of bad in a panic severely and have like a panic disorder or borderline panic disorder when I'm in heavy traffic and I freak out and one time I was practicing and I went in across traffic the wrong direction and I had six seconds to get the hell out of traffic and get back where I'm supposed to be and I was so panicked I couldn't do it and I by the grace of God manage to and memoing told me never again and that's why I got professional help that has driving instructors who work with aspergers and they denied me because of those things and the person says oh that's okay you just need to learn everybody has trouble with that but you eventually learn and I try to explain it's not that easy and they say why do you think it's not that easy and I say trust me you'll find out and then they think I'm making excuses to not want to see them and they say maybe nevermind work they try to convince me not to be one-sided and they discovered that this just isn't working out where I end up having to say I got aspergers that's why and then they realized in their minds that this was a bad idea because they're gonna be going on a date with someone that has a disability and they need someone on their level so they try to be nice and say sorry this just isn't working out as I hoped but I wish you good luck in your endeavors in the future. so I think maybe I shouldn't be disclosing my disability to people but if I don't there gonna think I'm one-sided how do I handle this and it becomes a Catch-22 lose lose either way but some people appreciate that I do that because it's nice to know. I had a boyfriend who appreciated that I had never had sex and said they preferred that I don't because that just means that I'm innocent and I haven't slept around with however many guys before him that it's gonna be meaningful so it could be a good thing just be careful. When you're an adult it's different disclosing your disability as long as you do it in a way that helps you and I can kind of see where it was helpful to say that you had aspergers so that people didn't take you for caring a tantrum because you're an adult and you should not be throwing tantrums and that's a little bit immature and stupid and foolish so it kind of makes them think oh okay nevermind and they understand and they don't feel bad think the same way anymore cannot understand you didn't on purpose you're not trying to be a brat it just happened it was an accident and then move on. but if you're in a place where people don't understand it then the gesture was nice but given that people around you aren't as excepting then that kind of hinders you at the same time because now people understand and they can be more judgmental and do what I said a lot of my dates do to me they think oh crap realize she had a disability oh crap what do I do now I feel bad because if I say no now then she's gonna feel like I'm being mean but if I stay with her and I pity her she's gonna think that I'm pitying her but I feel bad now so they either choose to stay with me for a couple dates and just try to come up with a good excuse why it didn't work out or they just say sorry it didn't work out and they ditch and neither way is fair. you risk those kinds of things from people. they kind of pity you feel sorry for you because sometimes people put the R word on disabilities in general because it's got Estigma but technically if you have aspergers or ADD or ADHD or things like that or you have Mosaic down syndrome I think is what it's called which is high functioning down syndrome and I've heard that it can be sometimes confused with aspergers although they do have the face features of down syndrome a little bit but they seem a little bit more like you might have a combination of aspergers maybe from what I've been told but if you have things like that your IQ is average to above-average so you cannot be retarded because the definition of retarded look it up is low IQ low functioning and you're not low functioning you function at a high-level if you have an average to above average IQ. but some people are ignorant and naïve and think that the word intellectual disability means retardation or low functioning and that's not necessarily true and that hurts and if you're in an area where people think those things and people are living in the stone ages and they haven't come to this realization at the rest of the world is going to Weert they except people for who they are and don't judge and have a non-tolerance for discrimination in the workplace and help people with disabilities then that's first of all sad and second of all the place you probably don't want to live and need to move away from and also you probably don't want to disclose your disability in a place like that but as I told the kids at my daycare who always complain that their friends aren't being nice and wanting to play with them and tell them to go away I say if people are not playing nice with you go find somebody that is going around people that are and they always say they are my friends I want to play with them and they don't want to play with me and I told him when somebody is being mean and does not want to play with you they are not being a good friend and they do not need your attention they don't deserve it go find somebody that does deserve your attention . You need to move out of that place first of all second of all take your significant other and move to a place where you can have a job that doesn't discriminate in a town that doesn't discriminate and treat people equally. like I said if that's a place where people discriminate they are living in the stone ages want to live around that but if that's what you truly want to be regardless then you probably should not say you have a disability and should speak very nicely and very respectfully on the subject that this is a place where people discriminate and that is very bad so let's not tell people that. And you work on attitude and behavior so you don't get in a situation where they have to say oh sorry they're not throwing a fit they just have aspergers, they feel like they need to cover for you.
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toothless
this is mr shadow,my support cat
hi ilovetochat87,sorry if i miss a lot of your post i am struggling to read it.
i have intellectual disability [originally severe because i have severe classic autism/or the left overs of it as i stabilized to a moderate level in my late twenties], on my official papers it says 'mental retardation',i have been acurately rediagnosed as 'mild' as i went through four months of daily inpatient testing.
intellectual disability is so called 'retardation'-i dont agree with it as im not intellectually slow i just process information and the world slower which has a knock on affect on my functioning,intellectual disability is the current DSMs name for 'mental retardation' and im glad because its a much better name, i feel sickened to have 'retardation' as my official label,in the UK it is called 'learning disability' which means something else in america.
in the UK,LFA means you have classic autism and an intellectual disability which affects how you function in the world and in turn flavours your presentation of autism.
aspies/HFAs can not be intellectually disabled/'mentally 'retarded' so if anyone says you have ID/you are 'retarded' you can say you are not, however its quite common for aspies to call themselves socially retarded, i wish they wouldnt in my view as it continues the stigma of 'mental retardation' which the medical world and those of us with ID are trying to put back firmly in the past where it belongs.
i am glad you argue against the useage of 'retarded' as it hurts those of us with ID badly and pushes stereotypes and stigma on everyone-not just us;aspies as well, the special olympics did a massive campaign against it a couple of years ago.
like aspies,people with mosaic syndrome can end up going to university,they have the mental capacity to do so unlike most with down syndrome.
ilovetochat87
Well-Known Member
Right now I am understanding that mental retardation isn't really as commonly used that it's more so-called cognitive disabilities than MR. see a learning disability does not mean MR. MR is not the term for learning disability and learning disability is not the term for that either . learning disability means that you have difficulty learning something it is a umbrella definition I guess you could say for any kind of disability that is developmental or intellectual. now what I'm understanding is that with aspergers you do have cognitive issues slightly but in order to be considered high functioning whether you're saying HFA or aspergers because like I've mentioned before they are similar in almost the same but they differ in that with HFA you basically are aspergers but you have more of like obsessive behaviors like with water and walking on your toes after curling them in and flapping your arms and tantrum like outbursts where you flap your arms but you do have the ability to think and reason and understand emotions once being learned things like that so it's kind of like a middleman between autism and aspergers but you're more on the aspergers side that's why they say high functioning autism and not aspergers but since it's too close to aspergers and there is such a small small line it's so fine most people don't really get why they make them different because they say well people with aspergers do the same thing well yes and no . When I panic like let's say I am cooking on the stove and I don't pay attention and sometimes the water boils up and pops me in the arm I flip **** and drop the spoon and I just got a flap my arms outward and a tiptoe three times kind of almost like the heebie-jeebies dance if you will like when somebody's having the effing heebie-jeebies that's what I do it's just my way of kind of going oh **** or panicking for a second and then I'm done that is the only time ever when I ever have an arm flapping moment . Or when I do stuff like a spider crawled on the wall next to me I jump the hell away from the spider and I do a little panic dance and I have to call myself the hell down because I get the heebie-jeebies I panic because I'm terrified of spiders more than anything else in my entire life! but that's about it it's not really counted as the same thing as when a lower functioning autistic person flaps her arms because they're lower functioning. it wouldn't be considered the same thing . And then there's also sometimes when I sit in a chair it's in aspergers/autism thing to sit at the very edge of the chair I don't know why I do it but I prefer to sit at the edge of the chair as opposed to sitting all the way back in a chair and part of it is because I'm so short that my feet don't touch the ground and it bothers me and I prefer to have my feet touching the ground but at the same time I like this sensation of sitting at the edge of the chair because I like to feel that edge touching my butt at the edge of my butt cheeks I don't know why it's probably a sensation thing that is typically autistic/aspergers that's probably why I like it but when I sit in the chair I like to curl my toes under kind of like making a fist with my foot and I sit that way until I'm done and don't feel like curling my toes anymore and then I uncurl them but it doesn't distract me from doing my work or anything it actually sometimes makes it better I don't know why I don't know if there's really any answer why but it just is what it is but that's about as far as it goes to that either so I don't think that counts the same but I guess because they think of those things they assume well it's the same thing so just put them both together and don't say HFA or aspergers just say aspergers. but that's kind of inaccurate to say that there is HFA like I said which is a bridge between autism and aspergers but it's more on the aspergers side and then there is aspergers. but oh well I kind of understand why the lumped HFA and aspergers together I was considered HFA just because aspergers and HFA were pretty much the same so they considered that if you're aspergers then you're on the high functioning side of the spectrum so your higher functioning whereas autism is lower functioning so if you're not lower functioning than your higher functioning but they forget that while that's true there is such a thing as HFA which is different than just saying you're not low functioning so you must be high functioning they are two different things between that and saying HFA because HFA technically by definition is between autism and aspergers because they have more aspergers type behaviors given that they can think and reason and they don't have as much cognitive impairments but they do have more trouble with text such as like Tourette's type taking where they flap their arms and they're very obsessive and they feel like they have to do it and their OCD about things more and they obsess about water and you know things that are more optism whereas aspergers can think and reason to and doesn't have as much cognitive impairment too but they don't do the autism obsession things or the arm flapping so that's where the HFA comes in because they do think and reason I don't have as muchcognitive impairment but they do the autistic type things as well. so when I discovered that there was a difference I was about like 16 or 17 and I discovered that there was such a thing as HFA and it was different than just saying why you're not low functioning so you must be high functioning it was different. and I started to find out I'm not HFA I'm aspergers but everyone says isn't that the same thing you're on the high functioning side so it's all high functioning and I would say yes yes but let me tell you the difference between HFA and aspergers and autism and why they are different but everyone just says well you're not low functioning so your high functioning and it's too confusing so they took it out now it's just autism or aspergers you're either low functioning or high functioning and nobody says HFA anymore nobody that was really only a very like .5% that used HFA and aspergers separately to begin with because there was such a small minor thin distinction to begin with.
ilovetochat87
Well-Known Member
now like I said before if you have aspergers or HFA which is basically just aspergers then you do have a slight like .5% cognitive impairment but to be considered high functioning you really cannot have a significant amount of cognitive impairment because if you do have an significant amount of cognitive impairment then you're not really considered to be high functioning because that doesn't really make sense you have to be able to think and reason and if you don't initially know those things you can be taught them and you have to be able to know when someone's sad you can sense that or when someone is angry with you you can sense that or if you don't automatically know that or are not good at telling those things you can learn through someone explaining them and helping you to be better at picking them up but if you're lower functioning and have significant cognitive impairment you are said to not be able to do that and if you can do any of those things then significant cognitive impairment would be incorrect diagnosis and one should get that reevaluated.
Now, I don't know you, but you said that after a lot of testing you came outwith a different diagnosisnot saying fully autism but saying mild autism would that mean that you're more higher functioning than they previously expected?I hate to question because it's not my business but what is your IQ? With me they tried to tell me I'm too high functioning I don't really qualify for disability and I would have to be a lot lower functioning to be considered with the developmental disability and be given Social Security which is government income for people with disabilities and things like that and assistance with getting to work and from work things like that and my mom argued and argued and argued and they finally got tired of our supposed BS so they just tested me because I do have aspergers and I was diagnosed at 15 but the government didn't give me any income and I wasn't given low enough by the diagnostician that I qualified for assistance that takes me to work and from work since I don't drive and a PCA which is personal care assistant and that's a very broad term for lower functioning people that means help getting a bath help taking their medication help keeping them from hurting themselves mentally or physically rather intentionally or not intentionally things like that but for someone that's higher functioning and doesn't need help with those things I just need help with learning how to do my bills because I never written a check before and I'm not good at remembering to add or subtract correctly sometimes I do the opposite like if I'm supposed to add something to my book because I got something deposited in my account I might accidentally think and put that in the wrong category and subtract that and I got to be careful because that affects how much I think I have and I could spend too much or not enough and think that I'm running low of money but I'm not so I have to be careful with my math because it sucks very badly for me in that department and I'm getting better at it but I still need help with it and I don't drive so of course I need help getting to the store and once upon a time I needed help going through the isles because I was a horrible shopper given that I get distracted and I don't really know how to put up a list of what I want to eat if I want beans I should put beans on the list I need to think about those things but I never think until I go to the store and look around and think oh beans! I could have been well did you put on the list know how come I don't know and it makes it difficult to shop because I could be in there for hours just kinda idlely looking through the aisles never knowing exactly what I want until I see it so I have to think what sounds good to me lasagna okay good what goes in lasagna well there's beef there's cheese there's ricotta cheese there's pasta sauce lasagna noodles there's Parmesan cheese I need to think put those things on my list do I want a salad that sounds good okay then put it on the list goes into a salad lettuce cheese dressing different salad toppings like bacon or nuts or berries I need to think about those things before I go to the store so I'm not aimlessly walking going I don't know what I'm doing . And I did not know that before I first started going to the store on my own without my parents. so those are the kinds of things in my PCA helps me with but anyway I wasn't qualifying for such services and my mom spent seven years taking me to different IQ tests and they discovered on one hand I appear to be really high functioning and have really good thinking and reasoning skills but on the other end I'm not as good with remembering numbers and sequences and my math sucks even basic math and I can't do division very well which is considered a basic math skill and sometimes I forget to add and accidentally subtract or vice versa and I'm not dyslexic I just have to pay attention and I have trouble with like what some people call brain farts but in my case it's not just a brain fart I literally have trouble with short-term memory stuff like face blindness I could tell you all about who the last president was he was black he had big years his wife was very fashion forward she was very healthy especially with kids teaching them how to be healthy they had two beautiful daughters they had a dog but I couldn't tell you his name off the top of my head or if you gave me someone's name and you knew I knew that person I would recognize the name but I can't picture what that person looks like in my head without looking at their picture. and sometimes it's severely debilitating like I feel very very much like amnesia I know I know something but I don't know what it is that I know and I don't know why I can't tell you what it is but I know I know it it's in there somewhere I just don't know how to unlock it and get it out of my mind and prove it to you that I know what it is because I don't even know what it is that I know.
Now, I don't know you, but you said that after a lot of testing you came outwith a different diagnosisnot saying fully autism but saying mild autism would that mean that you're more higher functioning than they previously expected?I hate to question because it's not my business but what is your IQ? With me they tried to tell me I'm too high functioning I don't really qualify for disability and I would have to be a lot lower functioning to be considered with the developmental disability and be given Social Security which is government income for people with disabilities and things like that and assistance with getting to work and from work things like that and my mom argued and argued and argued and they finally got tired of our supposed BS so they just tested me because I do have aspergers and I was diagnosed at 15 but the government didn't give me any income and I wasn't given low enough by the diagnostician that I qualified for assistance that takes me to work and from work since I don't drive and a PCA which is personal care assistant and that's a very broad term for lower functioning people that means help getting a bath help taking their medication help keeping them from hurting themselves mentally or physically rather intentionally or not intentionally things like that but for someone that's higher functioning and doesn't need help with those things I just need help with learning how to do my bills because I never written a check before and I'm not good at remembering to add or subtract correctly sometimes I do the opposite like if I'm supposed to add something to my book because I got something deposited in my account I might accidentally think and put that in the wrong category and subtract that and I got to be careful because that affects how much I think I have and I could spend too much or not enough and think that I'm running low of money but I'm not so I have to be careful with my math because it sucks very badly for me in that department and I'm getting better at it but I still need help with it and I don't drive so of course I need help getting to the store and once upon a time I needed help going through the isles because I was a horrible shopper given that I get distracted and I don't really know how to put up a list of what I want to eat if I want beans I should put beans on the list I need to think about those things but I never think until I go to the store and look around and think oh beans! I could have been well did you put on the list know how come I don't know and it makes it difficult to shop because I could be in there for hours just kinda idlely looking through the aisles never knowing exactly what I want until I see it so I have to think what sounds good to me lasagna okay good what goes in lasagna well there's beef there's cheese there's ricotta cheese there's pasta sauce lasagna noodles there's Parmesan cheese I need to think put those things on my list do I want a salad that sounds good okay then put it on the list goes into a salad lettuce cheese dressing different salad toppings like bacon or nuts or berries I need to think about those things before I go to the store so I'm not aimlessly walking going I don't know what I'm doing . And I did not know that before I first started going to the store on my own without my parents. so those are the kinds of things in my PCA helps me with but anyway I wasn't qualifying for such services and my mom spent seven years taking me to different IQ tests and they discovered on one hand I appear to be really high functioning and have really good thinking and reasoning skills but on the other end I'm not as good with remembering numbers and sequences and my math sucks even basic math and I can't do division very well which is considered a basic math skill and sometimes I forget to add and accidentally subtract or vice versa and I'm not dyslexic I just have to pay attention and I have trouble with like what some people call brain farts but in my case it's not just a brain fart I literally have trouble with short-term memory stuff like face blindness I could tell you all about who the last president was he was black he had big years his wife was very fashion forward she was very healthy especially with kids teaching them how to be healthy they had two beautiful daughters they had a dog but I couldn't tell you his name off the top of my head or if you gave me someone's name and you knew I knew that person I would recognize the name but I can't picture what that person looks like in my head without looking at their picture. and sometimes it's severely debilitating like I feel very very much like amnesia I know I know something but I don't know what it is that I know and I don't know why I can't tell you what it is but I know I know it it's in there somewhere I just don't know how to unlock it and get it out of my mind and prove it to you that I know what it is because I don't even know what it is that I know.
ilovetochat87
Well-Known Member
and social skills were kind of on the middle not low but not high and I had trouble when they asked me what's the capital of Italy and I would say oh god I know it I know this one it's on the tip of my tongue I know it I just can't think of it but I know I know it and they would tell me Rome and I'm thinking crap that's right I knew that but they don't know that I really know that. how do they know I'm not just trying to say that I know it? and it was hard for me to remember I know I know it but I can't quite tell you what it is off the top of my head but it's right there on the tip of my tongue. And when they give me a story that was read to me by audio I have to listen very carefully and tell the person back to them in a paraphrase what it was that I just heard what story did I hear what was it about. and they'll ask me important details and I have to tell them and I don't retain that information very well so I could tell you the basics of what it was about but not really well my story comprehensions are a little bit lost but not fully and it's worse if I'm trying to read it to myself like if I have the words on page and I'm reading it aloud or in my head to myself so it's better to listen to the audio but I still have that comprehension trouble and I don't have very good capabilities of retelling something back to somebody so I usually have a staff that comes with me when I go to like that government office and when the government is telling us stuff my personal write it down and then they can retell it to my parents because I won't remember or recall but was told to me because it's too much for me to process. so through those kinds of things I was given the lower IQ but they were kind of confused where to put me exactly because on some areas I seemed to be very much on the high functioning side but on some areas I seemed to be more on the low functioning so what they did was they gave me a IQ of 69 I believe it was which is I swear to God one point above being low functioning so I therefore have a diagnosis of borderline MR but if you look at me and you talk to me and you spend the day with me you'll find that that borderline MR is incorrect on every level but they had to say it because they were kind of in a weird funky place some parts of my IQ testing showed I had aspergers and some showed that I was more kind of not and they didn't know what to do because I am obviously high functioning and I obviously am good at talking and thinking and reasoning and I have the capabilities of learning social skills even though I previously had lower social skills and that therefore qualifies me as high functioning by every definition but somethings like I said my math skills my capability to recall details that I heard in the story are low, I was horrible at puzzles they gave me a puzzle sequence picture and six blocks and I had to put the blocks in the same order as the picture and I was horrible at that so with those kinds of things they want to say I'm not as high functioning but I'm not not high functioning so that's kind of like an oxymoron to say you're high functioning but you're not high functioning. so that's where the IQ of 69 came in because that kind of says you're high functioning but you're not high functioning but at the same time it also kind of implies if I'm going to have a diagnosis label of borderline MR then there you go people are gonna say I'm borderline and I'm not but that was the only thing they could put because I'm showing signs of high functioning and signs of not high functioning but I'm not low functioning either. but when they do that that puts an incorrect stigma but there really is no other way to say that then just say borderline MR because I'm not MR but I'm not not you know what I mean if that makes any sense and that's the only way to say that is to say borderline. so yeah you know it's crazy but it's what it is. I just don't ever tell anybody the borderline MR I always just say aspergers I never say the borderline MR because that's not accurate but I know they had to say that because given my IQ test results I was like I said I functioning but I wasn't in some areas but at the same time I'm not low functioning either I'm like in the middle and there is no middle at least not yet so that was the only thing they could use for that even though it's not really accurate but I get why they did it so I don't tell people that because I would get an incorrect stigma plus people would get confused and think what? You're not mentally retardedwho told you that!? who in the hell got that idea?! and I don't want to deal with it so I just don't ever say that. but you know with aspergers you grow up you lesson and lessen your symptoms and your last autistic and there are some doctors that will tell you with every fiber of their being that they believe this to be true that when you grow up as an adult you lessen your aspergers to the point that you don't even have it anymore and you wouldn't be considered aspergers like with me when I was trying to get government money assistance SSI they tried to tell me I didn't qualify because I wasn't low functioning enough I really didn't seem like I had much of a disability at all if any. but that's not the way it works I still have some issues but I don't fully have all the same issues that I did as a kid I have a few of the things as a kid still but not fully I almost don't have any but I still have a few so I still qualify. so to say somebody with aspergers grows up to being an adult and you know longer have a disability anymore is inaccurate because it does the same thing as an umbrella diagnosis autism spectrum disorder if you're misdiagnosed you're gonna get the wrong information the wrong stigmas the wrong help maybe no help etc.
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