My recent positive dreams need to stop now.

[Tony Ramirez]

They are making me feel worse walking up and even worse when I go out with the same outcome.

If you read my post history, I will explain the horrible, positive dreams I have been having. I have been dreaming that a woman has befriended me and has become instant casual platonic best friends. It sucks as a dream because it is so vivid that we do crap and stuff and I hate the dream because it is long that I don't even want to wake up that I have been oversleeping more in the afternoon naps.

No matter how horrible my day went and how much I see this garbage from other people in real life and how much I am ostracized by them in real life over and over again. So bad that I keep stimming to the same music and devolve into sexual videos from various websites, some like YouTube and others here I can't mention, yet the damn dreams won't stop.

It says that stress and drinking coffee causes this. I have been drinking at least two cups of ice coffee a day because now I love it. I just want these damn dreams to end, they are too painful to endure.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

i wanted to ask, have your parents ever gotten on your case or expressed frustration with you about you having been unemployed for over 20 years now? having barely worked in your life? how do they feel about that with you?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

My father is frustrated about my unemployment, but yet again it's my stupidity from not being smart from completing college. The same crap again seeing guy girls hanging out make me do poor there and the constant ostracizing. Actually, you bought up a good point. I had the same damn vivid dreams back in college to that led to crap too.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I even created a new Reddit account just so I can view and download 18+ picture and video content from women.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I even created a new Reddit account just so I can view and download 18+ picture and video content from women.

are you saying you watch a lot of porn? but yeah, there are lots of jobs that don't require college education, such as being a cashier, janitor, customer service or restaurant, retail jobs

 

[paloftoon]

Maybe you should look for substitutes, such as mushroom coffee and making your own coffee. Sometimes, making stuff yourself makes you appreciate what you're taking in more and it tastes even more delicious. Maybe if you don't have a big exercise regimen, do even the smallest things- move your arms in circles and clean around the home. Exercise can build up so that your body can take it more. Try to balance it out with some healthy items if possible. I know I'm asking for so much that I even need to tell myself many of these things.

 

[Forest Cat]

I think you should see a doctor and explain your struggles, you seem to be so depressed. And I understand that you have things going on that makes you depressed, but you do know that you are at an age where imbalances in the body can lead to bad depression? So if you have things to be depressed about and you also have an imbalance, it makes it much worse.

If it was me, I would get a doctor to do a full blood test and whatever other tests they offer. Just in case, I wouldn't have anything to lose by doing it.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

You better believe I damn stressed. I can't go to one damn place without seeing that crap. I was calm at my local Café playing all the music I liked even chatted briefly to the female cashier who basically ignored me but a woman my mothers age talked to me more before leaving, but her younger friend ignored me I was relaxed for a half hour then a woman meet a female friend which was fine until a damn guy and girl sat next to me stressing the hell out. Then I had to stim and rewind certain parts of this song. I lasted about 2 minutes before I had to get the hell out of there. Dunkin' Donuts was too crowded, so I am looking for another one.

Also using the s word in front of them, something I have not used in over 20 years what the hell is wrong, and those damn dreams won't stop

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I already lost another pair of earbuds I just lost because I probably left them there because I was so angry at the time, and I am always checking my stuff. Now I had to spend another $35 on another pair, but this is a better pair.

I also found another Dunkin' Donuts.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Unless I am in park slope and even then I thinks I am sticking hanging out at Dunkin Donuts locations for my coffee and snacks. The clientele is mostly grandmothers, kids and women solo men solo who come in pick up and leave.

Also coffee shops, cafes, are as socialize to autistics as a rotten I know bad analogy. I can be just as ignored at Dunkin Donuts and it's much less of a trigger even if there is no great music or calming atmosphere scenery if the people annoy you.

I googled Dunkin Donuts and autism. They do a lot for them.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

i saw this comment on youtube and its another reminder on how this is the brutal cold harsh reality difference between men and women.

whenever people say, life doesn't owe you a damn thing, that really angers me and pisses me off, because, its a reminder on how that fact is different between men and women. A perfect example. "If you’re a depressed woman who is working at a McDonald’s, or is underemployed, living with your folks by a certain age, not financially set, there’s always a guarantee there’ll be a man who wants to be with you but if you’re a man in the same position, no woman wants you, or just odds extremely stacked against you. As a man, you just got to learn how to suffer alone and take in all the punches. It sucks but it is what it is. Most average men live hard lives of quite desperation."

 

[Tired]

i saw this comment on youtube and its another reminder on how this is the brutal cold harsh reality difference between men and women.

whenever people say, life doesn't owe you a damn thing, that really angers me and pisses me off, because, its a reminder on how that fact is different between men and women. A perfect example. "If you’re a depressed woman who is working at a McDonald’s, or is underemployed, living with your folks by a certain age, not financially set, there’s always a guarantee there’ll be a man who wants to be with you but if you’re a man in the same position, no woman wants you, or just odds extremely stacked against you. As a man, you just got to learn how to suffer alone and take in all the punches. It sucks but it is what it is. Most average men live hard lives of quite desperation."

You forget how most of women in those situations will be just sexually or in different ways used by those men, because they see a desperate woman in need for money and love, and oh will they use her. And you can't say that no women in the world ever choose to live with a man who is in the same position as that woman is. In 2022 there was 3.95 billion women, and to think this "no woman wants you" just makes no sense. I myself know women who are working to feed their family, while their men just sit at home and do nothing.
One day people will stop generalizing, when they understand that doing it just creates hate and envy between different groups, and also creates thoughts like "woe me, everyone has it better". No, there are those who have it better, and those who have it worse, and reading comments on youtube about how hard it is to be a man and how easy it is to be a woman won't help you feel better about your life.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Back to OT that crazy good dream woke me up well kept me half awake could not sleep after a stressed life group where I was swearing during life group and got a warning even offended someone. My soon to be sure former friends I was tight with for 2 years the 4 girls there 1 married not counting the leader who supports me which would make 5 won't want me there anymore especially the other married women who said something.

The leaders wife took an Uber home with me and told me to delete all the social media apps which I did. She said watching them which I watch 98% live feeds of women and reels she said is desensitized me into women in real life and I think she is right.

 

[Mary Terry]

Unless I am in park slope and even then I thinks I am sticking hanging out at Dunkin Donuts locations for my coffee and snacks. The clientele is mostly grandmothers, kids and women solo men solo who come in pick up and leave.

Also coffee shops, cafes, are as socialize to autistics as a rotten I know bad analogy. I can be just as ignored at Dunkin Donuts and it's much less of a trigger even if there is no great music or calming atmosphere scenery if the people annoy you.

I googled Dunkin Donuts and autism. They do a lot for them.

Switch to decaffeinated coffee. It's probably on the menu at coffee shops like Dunkin Donuts.

 

[Boogs]

If I had to guess, and guess of course this is, I doubt your problem is simply to do with caffeine intake. The dreams seem very repetitive and fixated, as do your waking issues. I'm no mental health expert beyond my own experiences and amateur learning, but it sounds like you may have some major unresolved problems writhing around your subconscious which you're unable currently to rationalise. Even if stopping caffeine minimalises it (and no harm in trying for a few weeks?) maybe some form of one-to-one therapy may be worth exploring if possible?
Traditional social media, personally, I find very toxic, yet unhealthily compelling. Anything with an AI feed mechanism (X, Facebook, Instagram, Tictok, etc etc) tend to be the worse. Forums like this where you can see everything, and pick and choose your own topics tend to be less mentally damaging, imho.
Chasing a dream in life, through these (social media etc) mechanisms, very rarely pans out well. Even many allistic people present a picture of their relationship(s) that mismatches reality, and behaviour when not in public is often very different.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I'm quitting social media per my friends request too see what happens. Things got messed up since I started using Tiktok then got into other socials. I got addicted into viewing videos of attractive women live and in reels. Now she knows that's the issue when I encounter them in person. When you watch them live online you can interact with them and they can talk to you back which they have done many times. It has warped my false sense of reality that in person I now expect that and when I don't I feel ostracize. Then seeing boy/girl friends and couples makes it worse making me want that like online. I know a therapist would tell me that. That is why I got borderline obsession ruthlessly with poor Madison. But she actually did not know the better of my bad mouthing of her. She still talked to me randomly on the street and still messages me back. Says I am still welcomed at the old church and the events.

 

[Boogs]

While I am the most hypocritical of folk, in that I can offer advice I don't or can't follow myself (so if it rankles don't take it wrongly), maybe if you could find a local autistic group you could meet with from time to time, people who would have no false expectations for you to live up to, who would understand the ostracism implicitly and not judge you for whom you are, you may find more genuine companionship and through that more real relationships of any sort to start with?

 

[jsilver256]

I'm quitting social media per my friends request too see what happens. Things got messed up since I started using Tiktok then got into other socials. I got addicted into viewing videos of attractive women live and in reels. Now she knows that's the issue when I encounter them in person. When you watch them live online you can interact with them and they can talk to you back which they have done many times. It has warped my false sense of reality that in person I now expect that and when I don't I feel ostracize. Then seeing boy/girl friends and couples makes it worse making me want that like online. I know a therapist would tell me that. That is why I got borderline obsession ruthlessly with poor Madison. But she actually did not know the better of my bad mouthing of her. She still talked to me randomly on the street and still messages me back. Says I am still welcomed at the old church and the events.

May I suggest you get a calendar and smiley/frowney stickers?

Here's a calendar that costs $5.
Here's a set of stickers that costs $5.99.

Before you go to sleep, just put on a sticker that matches your mood and attitude towards everyone. I think you will find a very predictable pattern.

Just remember. It's not everyone who betrayed you 3 days ago, and it's not everyone who will betray you in 3-5 days from today. You are very much loved, and it's your brain working against you.

 

[Judge]

Switch to decaffeinated coffee. It's probably on the menu at coffee shops like Dunkin Donuts.

I'd think so, given I keep a pouch of Dunkin Donuts' decaffeinated coffee I buy at Walmart because it's nearly as tasty as their regular coffee. LOL....good enough that I have no desire to experiment with other coffee producers who make decaf versions as well. Though if I were to try another, it would probably be McCafe. I never go to McDonalds, but their ground coffee is quite good, and always available elsewhere.

 

[Boogs]

If it helps, maybe treat social media as an addiction, because in every way I can see it's very much one for those attracted to addictive behaviour (speaking for myself as one of those people). In some ways an addiction like this is worse than a addiction to a physical substance, it's so intangible, so many others do the same and seem ok (they are often not, but that's hidden from our view and theirs too). To take Facebook as an example, it's literally constructed to be as addictive as possible, and was designed from the bottom up to be so, using the latest psychological methods and techniques - it's absolute aim - to keep us online and engaged as long as possible.
A truly revealing documentary about this interviewed one of the lead designers, who found to his horror that he was coming home and spending hours on the app, ignoring his children's need for parental attention (this was before kids were commonly plugged into the same things) - his behaviour had been completely changed by the app, even though he knew what it really was and why it did this. I suspect this may have ben a bit of a turning point for him and hence his motivation to speak up about it.
But take this from the tale - these are insidious things, and for many people are not healthy or good for them, and not healthy or good for the rest of us either in the effects they can have. Do yourself a favour if you can, and try to find substitutes like here where you're not being told what to watch or read next, instead you're using your own mind and your own choices to determine that. To ignore that other type of media is not cutting yourself off from people, it's cutting yourself off from manipulation for other peoples ends.
Not to mention the fact that most(?) people here (and other similar places) have experienced similar (if not the same) things as yourself and can understand and empathise and sympathise in away more genuine that most allistic (NT) people can or will. The emotive method of communication is a deceptive and treacherous path to navigate for those of us whom don't engage in that phatic manner. To me, it's a false language of changing substance and allows the lies that most people need to feel comfortable with their ilk. And yet I also understand it's a necessary part of that ability to engage and co-operate they need to be able to form large societies instead of close communities (I won't pronounce on my thoughts about that, or not here and now! :O))