My son: Aspergers?....School issues

[eris1028]

So much for the back pack... Heck, get some duct tape and just tape his work to him! Heehee.

I understand. Teaching isn't for everybody and right now with a toddler 24/7 I totally understand your desire for a wee break!

Do you have a special needs school close by? Since everybody from parents to teachers to random folks on the internet think he's autistic, and likely he'll test positive at his appointment, maybe you could find a new school for him that's meant to be quieter and accommodating of his needs if his current school doesn't already have a section devoted to it. Never dealt with one myself, but I have a few friends that work as volunteers and subs at special schools, so I assume they're fairly common. One of which was telling about all these cool new apps they had for the non-verbal ones and another few apps break info down more easily in general for autistic kids.

Duct tape, velcro, I'll take anything at this point. .


I would love to teach honestly. I had my boy reading by the time he was 2. . I have been a parent volunteer almost every year since he's been in school. I love working with kids. As long as it's other people's kiddos that I can send home. Lol. I'll never understand that about myself. I have the patience of a saint when it comes to everyone else's child. But lose it very quickly when it comes to my own!


His teacher that I met with the other day used to work at a school specifically for Autistic children. Which is why she was so easily able to identify the characteristics of it in him. She said that because he is so bright (identified as gifted through gifted testing and iq testing in 2nd grade) that she didn't feel like that type of school was the right fit for him. The school he started this year is geared more for helping with things like this. They are solely focused on academics. No athletic programs, period. It's called STEM school. (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math) This teacher seems able to understand the issues and more than willing to work with him. I am thanking my lucky stars for her.

His teacher broached the topic of me starting, and running, the PTO at his school. They don't have one. It is a fairly new school, 4 years old. Volunteering and working with the school is what I love. The point of all this is internal musing that I've just externalized. His teacher told me that this school tends to attract a lot of kids with issues like my son. I wonder if I ran the PTO, it it would be a good place for advocacy?...If STEM attracts kids like that, I imagine that there is a large need for some of the programs you are talking about that they use for the higher functioning kids. Perhaps PTO is a good place to raise awareness and get a fund raiser going for programs like this...hmmmmm

 

[Hedgehog Instigator]

We had an appt with a psychologist today. Finally. He feels like we are on the right track and that the bipolar and ODD dx's he has had don't fit the profile for his issues. We scheduled his testing on the 31st. A three hour block of time. Wish it were sooner. I know we have waited forever to get here, but now that I feel like we are headed the right direction, the waiting is really hard.


I don't think the grades are so much the issue, as getting him organized enough to not lose his work. I have a hard time teaching him that because I am not so organized myself. And as many options as he has been given, none of them seem to stick. I am hoping with the proper diagnoses that the teachers will be able to make more of the accomodations that he needs to succeed. And that the psychologist will be able to teach him ( and show me how to help) better ways to get organized. They do have study table at school. It is an after school program that is probably much like what you mentioned. I thought about it. But since, for the most part, it's not getting the work done that is a problem, it's finding it the next day, I don't know that that will help that issue.

I had difficulty with this too, and a lot of my teachers were understanding and allowed me to do the homework in class, that is part of the beauty of I. S.

p. s. Please share any organization techniques you learn, this has been a life long struggle for me too.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Duct tape, velcro, I'll take anything at this point. .


I would love to teach honestly. I had my boy reading by the time he was 2. . I have been a parent volunteer almost every year since he's been in school. I love working with kids. As long as it's other people's kiddos that I can send home. Lol. I'll never understand that about myself. I have the patience of a saint when it comes to everyone else's child. But lose it very quickly when it comes to my own!


His teacher that I met with the other day used to work at a school specifically for Autistic children. Which is why she was so easily able to identify the characteristics of it in him. She said that because he is so bright (identified as gifted through gifted testing and iq testing in 2nd grade) that she didn't feel like that type of school was the right fit for him. The school he started this year is geared more for helping with things like this. They are solely focused on academics. No athletic programs, period. It's called STEM school. (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math) This teacher seems able to understand the issues and more than willing to work with him. I am thanking my lucky stars for her.

His teacher broached the topic of me starting, and running, the PTO at his school. They don't have one. It is a fairly new school, 4 years old. Volunteering and working with the school is what I love. The point of all this is internal musing that I've just externalized. His teacher told me that this school tends to attract a lot of kids with issues like my son. I wonder if I ran the PTO, it it would be a good place for advocacy?...If STEM attracts kids like that, I imagine that there is a large need for some of the programs you are talking about that they use for the higher functioning kids. Perhaps PTO is a good place to raise awareness and get a fund raiser going for programs like this...hmmmmm

I think those are the same reasons parents are always make better grandparents. They can just love them all they want, then send them home. Or at least, that's what my mom likes to joke about with her grandkids.

The PTO thing sounds pretty good! And having an understanding colleague already working there is a plus.
Depending on the interests of the kids, you could have some rather unique fund raisers if they wanted to pitch in. In example, my husband is normal, but he made a lot of rocking chairs in one of the highschool classes and the school was able to sell them for a bit of fundraising. It could raise double awareness, first of the condition, and second that the condition doesn't render them completely helpless.

 

[Dawn Marcotte]

Wow - I am so sorry you are having this much trouble - I have to ask though - where do you live? Is it in the United States?

Here is why I ask - You son should have an individualized education plan in place for school and it should include:

1. no loss of points when homework is turned in late

My daughter has had this in her IEP since she started 6th grade and it has kept her from failing many times - we struggled all through middle school with her organizational skills - you might want to see if your son has a solution to the problem - he may surprise you with an idea.

2. the ability to leave the classroom and go to a designated quiet area when he feels a meltdown coming on

My daughter had this in grade school but didn't need it by middle school, however your son obviously does.

3. a classroom assistant as needed to help him manage his behavior

Again my daughter had this all through grade school but didn't need it by middle school.

4. specific requirements for teachers to email you or otherwise electronically give you all of the homework he needs to get done

In our school system there is something called Schoology where the teacher are all supposed to post the assignments, when they are do and any supporting documents. That way no child can say they 'forgot' it at school. On the flip side of that we purchased a home scanner and would scan in her written homeowork and then email it to the teacher if she didn't get it in.

As for medications I must tell you we had a similar horror story. When we finally got a correct diagnosis of Aspergers with a non-verbal learning disability the doctor told us that Aspergers kids should NEVER be put on stimulant medications. There are medications that will work for our kids, but not the usual concerta etc. It took our wonderful daughter 6 months of no medication at all to return to her normal personality.

I hope this information is helpful for you. If you are having trouble with the school you might want to contact the Pacer Center in Minnesota - they are a great organization that helps parents advocate with schools.

 

[CleopatrasAsp]

Eris, my son is now 14, in 8th grade, but on all other ways he sounds exactly like you're describing. I've worked in special ed. and even worked at a special school that specialized in autism for a time... and STILL didn't recognize it in my own kid! So please don't feel bad. As my husband, who is now beginning to wonder whether he has aspergers himself, says, "It's hard to see the whole battle when you're down in the trenches." Meaning when you're just dealing with the day-in, day-out details of raising a kid like ours, it's sometimes hard to see the big picture.

Definitely going to be following this post. Meanwhile, be aware that you're not alone!

 

[eris1028]

Eris, my son is now 14, in 8th grade, but on all other ways he sounds exactly like you're describing. I've worked in special ed. and even worked at a special school that specialized in autism for a time... and STILL didn't recognize it in my own kid! So please don't feel bad. As my husband, who is now beginning to wonder whether he has aspergers himself, says, "It's hard to see the whole battle when you're down in the trenches." Meaning when you're just dealing with the day-in, day-out details of raising a kid like ours, it's sometimes hard to see the big picture.

Definitely going to be following this post. Meanwhile, be aware that you're not alone!

His testing came back with a big old negative on the Aspergers DX. I don't agree even in the slightest. But what can I do. He has insurance. But in order to get him tested we had to pay out of pocket because we could find no providers that accepted our insurance that would do the testing. 3 hours and $500 later to be told he has adhd. I STRONGLY disagree with this, but I feel blocked. The dr said he was well dressed and groomed--(i let him go in as he usually would when im not fixing EVERYTHING. Shoes untied, shirt backwards and hair smashed down on his head because he refuses to do anything with it) that his speech pattern was normal(he talks very monotone with a slight elevation on the last word of every single sentence) that the only elevated scale on the autism spectrum was his anxiety--which is through the roof! He has severely impaired memory recall, but tested at genius level for verbal iq and gifted overall. He has an obsession with music. He still cannot grasp inferred thinking whatsoever. We just had a fight about that 2 hours ago because he cant grasp when its not written word for word in a sentence. This makes NO sense to me based on testing at genius verbal. his final dx was ADHD. while i know that he does have focus/attention issues I don't agree that alllllll the other issues come from JUST adhd. He said he seems to have a grasp on right and wrong. And he DOES on SOME things because I have pounded them into his head over the years. But they are TAUGHT, not because he just inherently knows.
Anyway, there's more. But I have an 11 year old who is currently asking me to do a million things that I don't understand why he can't do them on his own. Especially if its "just Adhd". I'm frustrated and cracking and just want to lock my door, lay in my bed an cry. I never dreamed that being a parent was going to be this hard.

 

[artfull dodger]

I feel fustrated for you 2 just reading what your going thru. I to tested very high IQ wise in school, but back then Aspergers or even ADHD wasnt a diagnosis. But other than the meltdowns at school, I was right there with your son in my struggles. I was just able to keep myself together till I got home, then curled up in bed in a ball and cried till I fell asleep. The violent meltdowns waited till adulthood, I didnt get my diagnosis till I was 40. I think its time for another opinion. Maybe that teacher knows someone else that can evaluate your son. I feel that the ADHD is over used as it allows Dr's to push drugs and that equils $$$. The drug companys really push those meds, we have become an over medicated society IMHO. I grew up in a family where my father was a psychologist at a major hospital and even he total missed what was wrong with me. I was written off as a extremely shy, introverted kid, with extreamly picky eating habits, obsessive interests in only a couple things, mostly model trains. I hate tags in cloths, scratchy sweaters ect. I have both a formal diagnosis and I took the "Aspie Quiz" online and I am defintatly on the spectrum. Even my younger sister, who works with autistic children, didnt see it at first. Mostly because I didnt live near her for many years. But agrees that I am Aspie and she has been helping me with books to read ect. From my studies, there isnt much med wise that really helps, but its more of a proper way to educate and cope. Coping skills on his end and yours. Just like my wife had to learn how to cope with me, how to not enable my meltdowns but instead help to ward them off before they happen. She also had to accept, that there are certain traits that she or I can never change. Keep pushing, your on the right track. I dont know where you are to help on different Dr suggestions. I will keep your family in my prayers. Mike