I love studying and analyzing doctors, but find that talent useless currently, as we do not see many doctors now. Whenever my family in the past though had to see them, while they were analyzing my wife, I and our children, I was drawn to trying to find out their intentions, whether good or bad, and analyzing not only their expressions, their postures and words used, and manner of speech and how they interacted with us, but I focused on what they would not say or do too, to form opinion.
First I would compartmentalize them briefly into one of either four groups: the caring and helping doctor, the doctor that was incompetent, the doctor that had alterior motives, or the doctor that had a mental illness. In many cases it would be hard, as often those things could overlap. The reason finding the answers and real truth about who they were was important was my family's health was potentially at risk, and as we could not waste time on professionals that weren't a fit.
Part of that desire of mine and my ability was being very introverted growing up and studying my parents and family members when abuses were being present, and needing to find ways to cope and make sense of things. As well, in school and other environments, I needed to know why persons were thinking and feeling as they did as well, so as I did not dwell too much on my daily anxiety and pain. And it's as if I had to be one step ahead of others, to prevent more problems, too.
And so when medical professionals kept saying or doing strange things, or not explaining much and not listening and not asking many questions, red flags started to appear. And when misdiagnoses and underdiagnoses began to appear, I had to determine why that was. There was usually one or more of ten reasons why that would happen, besides being busy, so I will not detail that here. There were about eight good to great medical professionals out of the perhaps forty that my family saw over the last seven to ten years. That is not a good statistic.
The other thirty two doctors either relied just on book smarts, or did just the basics like looking in ears, up the nose, in the throat, and in the eyes, or they had not the best intentions, were too closed minded, were too rigid in their practices, and were followers and not leaders, or they were mentally
ill, having usually one or more of eight different mental health conditions it seemed. As I had no medical degree of course nobody would take my ability seriously, and despite my ability at thorough and detailed research, if needed, but I had a few other things that most of those doctors lacked. Whereas they looked often at the surface or relied on information learned from studies, or other patients, when evaluating, I looked deeper. And where they could have biases or lacked understanding and analyzing abilities, I did not. I had numerous personal life experiences and abilities that most medical persons did not seem to have, that caused me to be hyperaware of the world around me, and want to analyze that and others, in great detail.
However, if the doctor was good or great in my opinion, I stopped analyzing them and started to focus on how they could best help our family. For all the others, of course we fired them and moved on quickly from them. We do not have time for medical nonsense, when our children have needs minute-by-minute sometimes. We do not believe in experiments either. Perhaps those professionals would have helped many other families, but not ours. Often, if I was unsure either way about a doctor, I would ask them further questions as if I was interviewing them. I would test them to see if they were open minded about other treatments, or I would have them explain more why they felt as they did.
The reason why that talent is useless is: I would want to take my doctor analyzing ability to be a psychologist or psychiatrist one day, as I like helping persons as quickly as possible and do not expect payment, but I think I would wear myself out. Most of those medical professionals and systems are set up differently, to drag things out for money reasons, to do things rigidly, and follow precise rules, and they do not look often at the urgency of any particular situation. I would want to see a few patients daily for several weeks, and I would have high expectations on myself feeling that limited time is all many could need, but follow up visits would always be welcome. I would want to show I really cared about in not extending treatments, in doing things free but professionally, and in providing answers and treating in quicker ways, and in wanting to be their friend they could talk to by phone or meet at any time, regardless if a weekend, at night or not.
I think too many doctors mask their true intentions. Yes, they are in a helping profession, but many chose this profession for other reasons: status or money, and to be more attractive to the opposite sex. Yes, many doctors love to help too, but by taking on far too many patients and treating them more like a statistic, something is going to suffer. And that means each and every patient. Often I think doctors want the numbers to show off how many patients they have, how much money they have, to get more respect in their social life, and to get expensive things, like fancy cars or houses. Many medical professionals I feel do not care if patients are suffering between visits, or over extended duration. And I cannot stand that, regardless if an emergency is present, when a staff member says, "Our next appointment available is in two weeks (or 4 weeks). How about a Thursday at 4pm?" It's as if they do not worry about others' pain in the meantime, or we must fit in to their busy schedule.
So, the bottom line is that my desire to read doctors very well, and then with a desire to use that talent to help others in person with their mental health issues is impossible as I would have to take on less than ten patients at a time to make sure it was quality care, and again I probably want to do it for free. I though would worry about the ones I would have to turn down, and feeling guilty for that. As well, I likely would worry if each patient was not showing improvement to their liking and promptly, though I think I would focus on my great and unselfish efforts to reduce that anxiety, obsession or depression instead, or to help with their scattered thinking or slow processing. Regardless, that work dream could not come true, as our two children have daily educational, personal and other life skill needs, and I want to and must prioritize them and those things first. That is my greatest satisfaction and desires right now.
