Need help addressing & reducing violent tendencies

[sunfloral]

I suspect one of your parents might be on the Autism spectrum too (please forgive me if I'm wrong). If so, then the responsibilities of everything (everything..) fall down on the other one of your parent - s/he might be exhausted his/herself, because of lack of help from the autistic spouse. ..Thus the lack of parenting.

You are so kind, patient, have good instinct and disciplined - you're trying your best to educate your brother. I think you're on the right track somehow in how to educate him, but worry if you're exhausted. Please rest well yourself too. Take time for yourself too.

Nothing to be sorry about! Neither of my parents are on the spectrum but they definitely struggle with mental health issues that haven't been addressed. It's just unfortunate that my father has temper issues and doesn't have the patience for my brother. He has lost my brother a couple times. My mom has definitely exhausted herself and my brother doesn't really listen to her. Neither of my parents really know how to give my brother the attention he needs because they didn't do that with me either.

I really appreciate the concern. It has gotten a lot better now that I'm away at college and have a space of my own. There are just times where I wish had the time, and honestly the energy, to do more. I worry that my brother is missing out on his full potential because we haven't given him the right environment to reach it. Early childhood education is so important because it only gets harder -- I can't imagine how difficult it'll be to help my brother once he gets to middle/high school. Each year has been harder because the foundational skills that he's missed out on just keeps adding up the longer we continue doing nothing to help him grow.

 

[Ylva]

I suspect that behaviorism maybe only truly works on allistics.

There are books on active listening by one Thomas Gordon that might help. It's as scripted as anything, but at least it's a script that makes you feel like the other person cares.

Stuff that might benefit him to learn, is stuff like meditation (at his age I was experimenting with the Silva method. Had a book titled exactly that.) and Rational-Emotive Therapy (codified by Albert Ellis. There are plenty of video lectures on it on YouTube.)

And of course he needs alternative solutions to his problems. Bullied at school? He can't teach himself to solve it by talking, so you'll have to find some way he can learn it. I've never learned it either, to this day I just walk away from confrontations, so if you find a useful video or book or something please share it.

Best of luck.

 

[Nick12]

LET HIM WATCH FUN TV SHOWS LIKE SESAME STREET CLIFFORD THE BIG RED DOG CALILOU JUST TO NAME A FEW