New here - female 48, just self-diagnosed

[Unexpected_who_me?]

The ADA in the U.S. requires employers to give "reasonable accommodations" in the workplace to people with disabilities. Unfortunately I believe it would have to be a professional diagnosis, but my autism therapist told me that it's actually a legitimate "reasonable accommodation" for an autistic person to request knowing about work meetings in advance as well as knowing the agenda for the meeting in advance and if for whatever reason that can't be accommodated (e.g. spur of the moment meeting, etc) that the autistic person be excused from having to attend the meeting.

I once refused to attend a work meeting back when I was still working in the office and not at home. Why? The person who visited our office (a marketing representative) didn't follow the generally accepted protocol to schedule meetings in advance and just popped into our office unannounced expecting that we'd all drop what we were doing and attend a meeting. The office manager peeked into my office and said the rep was in the conference room with no notice and would I be attending. I said no. I said I had no advance notice and I refused to attend for that reason.

I will check on my HR website to see what accommodations are available. I haven't told anyone at work yet, and Im not sure if I should or not (but obviously, if there are things they do to help even self-diagnosed people then I won't say no to those). Thank you, great idea!

 

[Unexpected_who_me?]

Corporations are the new cotton mills. If you believe in truth of course they will make you feel uncomfortable.

Welcome sister.

Thank you!

 

[Unexpected_who_me?]

DO you have other interests besides an apptitude with mathematics? A good chunk of us aspies, do explore these. retiring early may not be the answer, you think it is.

Interests and what pays the bills is different - I don't have any interest in math but after retiring from corporate I plan to tutor math online (which I can do from anywhere in the world). Having US students that pay in US $ for it makes for some extra income, which will be much needed.

I feel I intensely explored my interests while working full time - the 2 big ones I had (besides raising my kids as single parent) were helping others and Enlightenment. For the first one I gave up corporate in 2013 to help by starting a life coaching business and fell flat on my face. I had spend years getting a certificate/degree on the side and preparing for it (not just prep as life coach, but also set up website, business cards, banking etc). Lost lots of money in that pursuit...
For the second one I read and reread prob over 100 hard to digest books (zen, mystics, and so on), been meditating daily 7-8 yrs like an hour a day, been to retreats etc. Then all fell off me. No more interest in it. Nada.

I guess now, at almost 48, I take interest in my health, and still learning about the world (climate change is a big one, living abroad, health - and now autism). Maybe teaching others about these and make money from that is what you hint at? Not sure I'm good at any to teach... also it is so tiring to start something new - esp. after failing so badly before when I so bravely "escaped" the corporate world...

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

the best current advise read some of the threads here to get a better feel for what it is to be an Aspie, do not get yourself locked into to much with tunnel vision. You My have strenghts you are currently unaware of.

 

[Magna]

I will check on my HR website to see what accommodations are available. I haven't told anyone at work yet, and Im not sure if I should or not (but obviously, if there are things they do to help even self-diagnosed people then I won't say no to those). Thank you, great idea!

I'm not an ADA expert, but I'm assuming notifying an employer of a disability that you want reasonable accommodations for would need to be professionally diagnosed. Maybe I'm wrong on that, but IF that's the case then I would definitely discourage you from asking for accommodations without a professional diagnosis. If an employer were to ask you for a "doctor's note" and you didn't have one that could potentially cause issues for you. That's just my personal opinion.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I'm not an ADA expert, but I'm assuming notifying an employer of a disability that you want reasonable accommodations for would need to be professionally diagnosed. Maybe I'm wrong on that, but IF that's the case then I would definitely discourage you from asking for accommodations without a professional diagnosis. If an employer were to ask you for a "doctor's note" and you didn't have one that could potentially cause issues for you. That's just my personal opinion.

IF she is that much a valued employee believe me they will acommodate, us ASpies are too difficult to replace. we are not a dime a dozen.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

My sister is an aspie, geologist and economist, works for a large mining company as a risk administer, if she even hints she wants to retire they up the ante, stock options the latest incentive, raised three kids did not know she was one of us until we had a good conversation. She has no interest in the money as did my younger, aspie brother until he retired 10 years ago.

 

[Unexpected_who_me?]

My sister is an aspie, geologist and economist, works for a large mining company as a risk administer, if she even hints she wants to retire they up the ante, stock options the latest incentive, raised three kids did not know she was one of us until we had a good conversation. She has no interest in the money as did my younger, aspie brother until he retired 10 years ago.

Ronald, I have spent countless years introspecting, reading about career, doing interest vs skills checklists and tests, employing life coaches, volunteering, applying and going for interviews. I feel I failed completely in finding work that would suit me, where I would feel ok (aka not 100% stressed and anxious all the freaking time). The only thing I wanted is not be paralyzed by anxiety, be able to breathe... I am not asking for a "dream" job - I don't expect no unicorn. And I can work hard, don't need any favors. Lower pay is ok too.

In any area I am good at and love to do I can't seem to find clients b/ of low self-esteem and not being able to sell myself.

Other things like being a cashier in a store would be dealing with too many people face to face which is too much overload. Physical jobs I cannot do, being the intellectual type.

This work problem is the one nut I was never able to crack. Thats why thinking of retiring early - totally giving up on solving it.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I think I have learned in life never give up, having lost the ability to walk twice in my life and overcome this hurdle twice and landed on my feet both times. All I can recommend is follow some threads on this forum, some are heart wrenching, anxiety was an issue for a while after the therapy in getting back into driving. So far have not touched the anxiety pills my doctor gave me.

 

[Unexpected_who_me?]

I think I have learned in life never give up, having lost the ability to walk twice in my life and overcome this hurdle twice and landed on my feet both times. All I can recommend is follow some threads on this forum, some are heart wrenching, anxiety was an issue for a while after the therapy in getting back into driving. So far have not touched the anxiety pills my doctor gave me.

Ronald, wow, that is amazing! And very inspiring! I will check the threads and learn as much as I can about autism.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

You should meet some interesting people on this forum, us Aspies are a unique group.

 

[ForestGumpett]

Hello

 

[Barymore]

Hi @Unexpected_who_me? and welcome to the forum!

It took me a long time to process my ASD diagnosis, with a lot of ups and downs. in fact, it's still an ongoing process even after years. Give yourself time, it will change.

I am self-employed doing something which is a particular interest of mine (which I hope never ends otherwise I am f***** )

what worked in my case is to have a couple of goes at it, I tried out a couple of business ideas before I settled on this, and have had to adapt my focus over the first couple of years too not only to deal with business aspects, but also aspie related issues that I have. Also, I ran the business on a small scale on the side while I was still employed for a few years before going all in.

On another note, during my uni years I worked for years waitressing - which I often feel is an aspie olympics discipline in terms of unpredictability, sensory issues and social interactions. What really worked for me is totally focusing on work-related rules such as greet people, get them seated, take their order, punch it in, serve them, check in on them every 15 minutes etc. to deal with the unpredictability. I actually ignored the people as far as possible, except when I was talking to them in which case I would focus on one person to talk to. Otherwise I would zone everything out and just focus on a glass of beer or cutlery or the tray in my hands. I think I managed this quite well because I got relatively good tips and my bosses were keen to keep me on. What I'm saying is that there are solutions for working jobs like cashier that allow us to work around some of the issues.

These are just some of my views on how I experience things and dealt with some of the issues I faced. it will, of course, be very different for different people.

Have a great time here!

 

[SusanLR]

Welcome!

I think you will find answers and some friendly people here that can be supportive.
Aspies are a diverse group.
This is a good place to be.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I as an Aspie like a lot of us am a visual thinker, my obsession is physics, my weakness is the inability to do heavy duty advanced mathematics, at university level. I cannot get my head around someone who was given a gift and activelty wants to deny they have it the one thing I can relate to I Do have an aptitude for computer programming but I have absolutlely no interest in this .

 

[Unexpected_who_me?]

Hi @Unexpected_who_me? and welcome to the forum!

It took me a long time to process my ASD diagnosis, with a lot of ups and downs. in fact, it's still an ongoing process even after years. Give yourself time, it will change.

I am self-employed doing something which is a particular interest of mine (which I hope never ends otherwise I am f***** )

what worked in my case is to have a couple of goes at it, I tried out a couple of business ideas before I settled on this, and have had to adapt my focus over the first couple of years too not only to deal with business aspects, but also aspie related issues that I have. Also, I ran the business on a small scale on the side while I was still employed for a few years before going all in.

On another note, during my uni years I worked for years waitressing - which I often feel is an aspie olympics discipline in terms of unpredictability, sensory issues and social interactions. What really worked for me is totally focusing on work-related rules such as greet people, get them seated, take their order, punch it in, serve them, check in on them every 15 minutes etc. to deal with the unpredictability. I actually ignored the people as far as possible, except when I was talking to them in which case I would focus on one person to talk to. Otherwise I would zone everything out and just focus on a glass of beer or cutlery or the tray in my hands. I think I managed this quite well because I got relatively good tips and my bosses were keen to keep me on. What I'm saying is that there are solutions for working jobs like cashier that allow us to work around some of the issues.

These are just some of my views on how I experience things and dealt with some of the issues I faced. it will, of course, be very different for different people.

Have a great time here!

Your description of waitressing is actually very helpful for meetings too - I can see concentrating on a button in the zoom call, or on a post-it by the laptop where I can write something that is calming. I always tend to open the participants pane and it feels like there are hundreds of people watching me or just being there (if no video), which is so intimidating. So no more of that, and focus on one thing I know I can deal with.

Thank you so much!

 

[Suzette]

Hello,
I just want to assure you that you are not alone in discovering autisim late in life. I am 54 and only in the past few days have even been considering that I might be autistic. Like you I have one a self eval and scored 38.

Anyway, I live in northern Mexico most of the year and retired early on a shoestring budget. I am happy to share my perspective on living in Mexico.

 

[StreetMath]

I’ve found my work environment to be soothingly structured and supportive. You can often get by with very clear and goal-oriented conversations that minimize the role of personality and small talk. Most other occupations are not like that. Even in many highly transactional roles (food, retail etc.), the day is constant interaction with moody people (customers + coworkers), which is hard even for NTs.

Corporations can be quite different from one another. There may be another one that fits better.

 

[Unexpected_who_me?]

I’ve found my work environment to be soothingly structured and supportive. You can often get by with very clear and goal-oriented conversations that minimize the role of personality and small talk. Most other occupations are not like that. Even in many highly transactional roles (food, retail etc.), the day is constant interaction with moody people (customers + coworkers), which is hard even for NTs.

Corporations can be quite different from one another. There may be another one that fits better.

I agree, but my problem is that for me numbers are numbers, while for the people I work with it is business (with all its stupid/illogical jargon that comes with it), $$$, maximizing profits for a large insurance company. So not only I don't care about their profits or about insurance, but all they do is also against my value system. Sometimes I feel like my job = prostitution.
Also, to the illogicality of the corporate - it is like when I was in high school and all the girls I knew started wearing make up and I couldn't understand for the life of me why do they go thru that theatrical dressing and dolling. It felt unreal and illogical and untrue/dishonest. Same with the "culture" at work where we re-org to re-org (one year they compress the org structures, the next the expand them, etc etc - every year! then they fire x%, after which they start hiring, and so on).

It is too much for me to change industry or corporations 1-2 yrs before I want to leave them for good. Might as well grind my teeth and wait for the time to pass.

 

[StreetMath]

Yeah, can’t pretend I don’t know what you’re describing. Sounds like you’re pretty unhappy. What’s your goal for your long-term life situation?