Newbie requisite first post - I've crashed the struggle bus

[jsilver256]

Welcome. Mid-40s life-changing burnouts seem to be a rite of passage for many of us career workers, do a thread search.

 

[VictorR]

Hello. May you find the answers and supports you seek.

 

[Vanden Plastic]

It’s not co-dependance to want love in your life. And it has nothing to do with washing dishes or doing laundry. These things are chores that need to be done, and running a home successfully involves dividing up household responsibilities based on skills. I wash almost as many dishes as my wife. She does the laundry because she does ut better than me. I maintain the cars because I have the skills for that and she doesn’t.

The problem I faced (and it sounds like you’re facing it too) is that the wanting for love and companionship turns into silent desperation. I almost married the wrong woman, three different times (different women). It drove me to commit to the wrong person several times in my life.

I wouldn’t put too much value on all of the advice you get about love. If you meet someone who makes you happy but is unconventional, then go for it. Just remember that the kind of woman you want probably wouldn’t be cruel enough to steal someone else’s man, so don’t settle for ‘Mrs right now’ because ’Mrs right’ might pass you by. The best relationships begin with chance encounters.

Thanks for the affirmation. It means a lot to me.

I've actually never been given any advice or talked to anyone who didn't follow the exact written in stone recipe for "birds and bees" down to the letter. Even though my goals and my destination are much the same, I've always known that I'm a little bit different and sometimes take a slightly different route to get there. I've tried and tried, kicking and beating myself up on occasion when I don't follow the steps exactly, and others have kicked and beat me up some more. This is the first time someone has acknowledged without admonishing me.

Yeah. It would be cool to meet a woman that is a little bit more like me, as I just don't have a surplus of energy that I can expend trying to move in lockstep with someone who's dancing to a different song. And yep. I know that I'm giving off the smell of desperation being in the position I am right now. Wishing I was able to mask that better. While I *am* desperate to get this show on the road, I'm not desperate to just get someone. I don't want to repeat past mistakes!

 

[AspieChris]

Thanks for the affirmation. It means a lot to me.

I've actually never been given any advice or talked to anyone who didn't follow the exact written in stone recipe for "birds and bees" down to the letter. Even though my goals and my destination are much the same, I've always known that I'm a little bit different and sometimes take a slightly different route to get there. I've tried and tried, kicking and beating myself up on occasion when I don't follow the steps exactly, and others have kicked and beat me up some more. This is the first time someone has acknowledged without admonishing me.

Yeah. It would be cool to meet a woman that is a little bit more like me, as I just don't have a surplus of energy that I can expend trying to move in lockstep with someone who's dancing to a different song. And yep. I know that I'm giving off the smell of desperation being in the position I am right now. Wishing I was able to mask that better. While I *am* desperate to get this show on the road, I'm not desperate to just get someone. I don't want to repeat past mistakes!

I know it’s cliché but my experience has been that love finds you, not the other way around. And the relationships/marriages that began with a lonely guy on a quest for love, usually end in disaster (mostly financial ruin). Sometimes it takes decades for it to all fall apart, with alimony and child support. You know how that goes…… and you’d be the one writing checks every month.

I was horrible at meeting women when I was single. I hate talking to anyone that who I haven’t spoken to before, least of all women. I am overcome with confusion anxiety, fear of rejection, etc. Meeting a woman at the gym or at work when I was legitimately just offering help (with NO romantic motives) was way easier because we had shared interests. Also, I never got nervous because I wasn’t thinking about how scared I was to ask her on a date. And later on, I would’ve had something to chat about at dinner without stuttering.

Every girl/woman I ever dated was someone I had known casually for months to years before I started to think about her romantically. My wife was actually married when we met and I was engaged. Two years later we were both single and my view of her changed. And honestly, we probably became friends initially because I couldn’t see her as a potential romantic partner when we first met (at work). Had we both been single when we first met, I would have made a fool of myself and scared her away.

I’m really good at putting my foot in my mouth and making women think I’m an ass.