I wrote a LONG message pouring out my heart and soul to you guys and it’s lost .
I was really excited to chat about my current special interest: Autism (lol) to ppl who actually GET IT and understand. Maybe I wasn’t meant to share my dark and twisty past with you all right now.
HI ! I’m from Canada. I love animals (way more than people… I wish I could love a human like I love animals ) i have a FatCat named Tigris. She is a rescue. Like me, her family abandoned her. She is my best friend and keeps me alive.
I adopted three kittens two years ago--we kept the litter together. They were found on a busy 4-lane wide road, near their mamma, and the person who rescued them said she almost wasn't able to catch them all cause the one kept running away. I'm glad she persisted! Olly still would rather run away than be caught. He just wants to be asked instead. They follow me around the house and camp out with me when I sit down. When I go to bed, they go to bed, too. They are, at this moment, all within arm's reach.
Okay, that was just a lead-in to say, I 'get' the time spent learning about autism. Today I spent 2 1/2 hours this morning reading a very excellent blog on one woman's experience being diagnosed with autism and another hour tonight writing out my thoughts in relation to some aspect of it. Yesterday, since I was home alone, I listened to a Ted Talk and several YouTube videos on a channel I frequent. I might spend a lot of time in here, in the Autism Forum, but I spend as much time reading out there, too. So you're in good company.
I also *sort of * have a Siberian Husky. ... His owner actually put in his will that Blue (husky) will go to me should he die.
That is so sweet!
I love to listen to music, be in water ,
I used to love to swim. I had a dream the other night I was swimming laps and woke up feeling more refreshed than I had in days. Made me wish I could afford a pool membership, although I don't like the smell or feel of all the pool chemicals (or how it dries out my hair).
travel in my dreams, play piano (I’m not that good I play by ear and write my own stuff) & write poetry. I love to be alone but would like to learn how to have friends and relationships without relying on alcohol. I’d also like to care about friendships and relationships more. I just dont. I could do life alone and be ok with it. (As long as I have animals) I’m learning about myself now that I know I’ve been a phony anytime I leave the comfort of my own place.. sigh*
One of the things I began learning right away is that we all seem to suffer from being too hard on ourselves. I hope this discovery will bring you self-acceptance and peace.
I had no idea I camoflauged at all until I started learning about autism. What a shock! Did you know, NT's
don't mask at all? It is, more than anything else, the singlemost strongest reminder that I am
not NT. I might be able to act the part (my Asperger's friend says I camoflauge
very well), but I had no idea that coming home and spending two days in bed or quietly alone by myself so that I
can go back to work is not the norm. I don't think I see it as being phony. Rather, it is just how I am so that I can get along with and do my job well. I see it more as one person said, like social grease.
Now, I don't know how healthy this viewpoint of mine is. One of the things that led me to continuing learning about autism was the communication aspect because at some point, my ability to communicate well simply breaks down. Social grease or not, when I'm at that point where I'm not responding the way that's expected, that's when the awkward comes out. I can't help it--for the life of me, it happens nearly every day at work. (It happened last most glaring this past Thursday.) That's when whoever I'm talking with--and depending on their disposition towards me--decides whether or not continue the conversation. All this to say, despite however great I may (or may not) be at masking, people still know there's something different about me.
And some people make up their minds faster than others.
Most neurotypical people would call me an Empath. I’m not 100% sure I agree - but I do see overlaps on autism with HSP or Empaths. Do you relate to being an empath or HSP? What are your special interests? Where are you from?
I'm not sure I've run into HSP before. Could you tell me what it is, and why it's different from being an empath?
I’ve been diagnosed by my Doctor and have self diagnosed with COPIOUS Amounts of tests and research (I spend about 4-6 hours a day focusing on autism lol the irony ) but haven’t gotten an “official” assessment yet since it’s super pricey. Finding out I’m autistic has really given me hope. I don’t feel as much like a failure as I did before.
I feel like it's answered a lot of the why to the what for me. It brings me peace and explanation, and --not as an excuse-- really answers for me why other people have always treated me as an outsider.
I'm glad you're finding acceptance in it as well.
Here’s some of my poetry . Hope you like it
& Merry Christmas
(Nice to meet you)
Nice to meet you, too, and Merry Christmas!