not feeling human

[Fino]

I typically feel not human.

 

[SusanLR]

One thing I have noticed is that autists tend to be way more stubborn than most people. If something fundamentally doesn't make sense to you at one point, no amount of indoctrination will get it to make more sense than it did.

This is the main reason no one could tell me what to do or how to live.
I've always had my freedom of choice to think for myself and no one could get
past that.

My mom used to joke that my middle name should have been, "don't tell me."
A therapist once ask her if she had been a demanding parent and she answered
with: "you don't tell Susan what to do. She tells you."
She was very racist, homophobic and always trying to mold me into her views on
religion.
But I just didn't see the logic behind those ideas, and I never felt ashamed that
I didn't. I was just me and that's what I would be.
If it didn't make sense and was not logical, I didn't care to say it.

Feeling like an alien and that we don't really fit anywhere is a very common autistic feeling.
I used to tell my mom she must have been playing around with the little grey men when she had me.
It never bothered me to feel "different."
Although if I had to be an alien, I'd prefer Vulcan. Thank you.

It's really great that you held your own through all that mess and can now be
your true self.