Not getting any younger

[oregano]

"Ain't it cool?"

-John Travolta, "Broken Arrow".

Age can indeed be liberating at times. But it usually comes with a boatload of perspective to draw upon.

Hey, I remember that line. I think the full exchange was something like:

Character (whose name I can't recall): You're insane!
Travolta's character: Yeah! Ain't it COOL?

I always thought that was a cool (heh) line.

 

[Judge]

Hey, I remember that line. I think the full exchange was something like:

Character (whose name I can't recall): You're insane!
Travolta's character: Yeah! Ain't it COOL?

I always thought that was a cool (heh) line.

LOL. Get old enough and you're allowed to be insane as well.

Truth is, I remember that line of dialog mostly because it seemed out of character. Given the complexity of a pilot's scam involving nuclear weapons, it just seemed a tacky thing to say. You'd think any caper involving such high stakes would warrant something more elegant to say. Go figure.

 

[oregano]

OP's problem may be that he is judging himself by NT standards, which reminds me of Einstein's famous quote, "If you judge a fish by its ability to ride a bicycle, the fish will spend its whole life thinking it is stupid."

Also, that quote by "Hippo" reminds me of somebody I met on another forum who in HS thought her life was boring and how she wished something awesome would happen to her. Then a fellow student with a gun burst into her class one day and killed a bunch of people right next to her. When I ran across her she was suffering from extreme PTSD, afraid to leave her room, and lived her entire life poop-posting to internet forums and playing video games.

@stewdog80, yeah the world is going to suck even worse in 10 or 20 years, so you don't want to be the guy who is dying of cancer caused by global warming, or drowning in a AGW-caused flood, or baking in a heat wave without AC since the power grid has collapsed, and saying to yourself "gee, I wish I appreciated what I had when I had it back then".

 

[BehindtheScenes]

I find myself on the opposite end. Crappy teen years and 90% of my 20s being crap- particularly financial and social wise. I've long given up on the social aspect crap. But, I hope for significant financial change throughout my late 20s and 30s (turning 27 this month).

 

[DuckRabbit]

OP's problem may be that he is judging himself by NT standards, which reminds me of Einstein's famous quote, "If you judge a fish by its ability to ride a bicycle, the fish will spend its whole life thinking it is stupid."

Also, that quote by "Hippo" reminds me of somebody I met on another forum who in HS thought her life was boring and how she wished something awesome would happen to her. Then a fellow student with a gun burst into her class one day and killed a bunch of people right next to her. When I ran across her she was suffering from extreme PTSD, afraid to leave her room, and lived her entire life poop-posting to internet forums and playing video games.

@stewdog80, yeah the world is going to suck even worse in 10 or 20 years, so you don't want to be the guy who is dying of cancer caused by global warming, or drowning in a AGW-caused flood, or baking in a heat wave without AC since the power grid has collapsed, and saying to yourself "gee, I wish I appreciated what I had when I had it back then".

Agree with this and @GadAbout above. I wondered whether the OP is American (I see the OP in fact confirms this), and whether it's harder to be on the spectrum in some cultures/ countries than in others (just as it may be harder to be homosexual in a fundamentalist religion). It is possible the US has a greater ethic or conformity and puts greater emphasis on outward material success and milestone conformity (signalling normality aka social acceptability). In contrast, the UK, Europe and some other places may be more accepting of differentness, eccentricity and solitary individuals (introversion). Perhaps that is why the OP cannot contemplate other perspectives and developing 'down' instead of 'up' (down = a deeper understanding of life; up = outward material success that fits the existing social order), but remains fixated on 'fixing things', 'escaping his/her plight'.

A possible coping strategy might be to actually move to a culture that's more accepting of spectrum traits as differentness rather than as psychopathology. I know some ASC individuals seek out other outsiders within their own culture where their own differentness is tolerated more and is not so glaring e.g., ethnic minorities, lower or higher SES (socio-economic status), disabled, gender atypical, speak a different language, much older or much younger etc. However, all cultures arguably have gradations of social acceptability vs anomaly - belonging and non-belonging seem to be universal qualities of the human psyche (archetypes) that are recognised everywhere and are experiences we 'have to' go through in different quantities and at different times.

If we're in the 'belonging' camp we may need to incorporate more 'non-belonging' (individualism) in our psychic economy to be more balanced, and vice versa if we're in the 'non-belonging camp': we may need to put in effort to conform more. Totally dismissing one or the other is an extreme approach that life may discourage through giving you a rough ride unless you're prepared to incorporate more nuance in to your thinking about yourself and about life. Either you embrace the rocky road willingly yourself or life will put you on it anyway; there does not seem to be any sort of short cut to 'coming to terms with one's differentness'. With any luck, it can open one up with profound compassion to differentness in others.

Btw does anyone know of any threads where 'it's easier to be ASC in some cultures than in others' is discussed? I'm sure this has come up before.

 

[Markness]

My age has been eating at me more and more lately. I am 36 years old but I have not achieved a lot of things even people younger than me have accomplished. I will be 37 this August and after that, I will only have two more years for my 30’s until I become 40. I have not met a lot of societal and cultural expectations.

I have cousins who I’ve known since they were toddlers getting married as well as having their own children. Some even have college degrees and careers while I don’t and I still only work part time.

I’ve been told I made a lot of self-fulfilling prophecies happen but I honestly did not want to reach the age I am and still have the same struggles I’ve had since I was a young adult. I wanted things to be different and I always took it hard when I didn’t succeed.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I'm in my seventies, did OK spent a lot of time upgrading my education, trying to keep up With competitors.
fortunately did not know why, found out in mid fifties was not like them, Either way worked out great. My uncle a farmer lived alone until late 30's farming woman found him liked what she saw they were married 50 years
he passed at 97 she a year later She had a number of previous marriages that failed. Life goes at it's own pace.

 

[Xinyta]

My age has been eating at me more and more lately. I am 36 years old but I have not achieved a lot of things even people younger than me have accomplished. I will be 37 this August and after that, I will only have two more years for my 30’s until I become 40. I have not met a lot of societal and cultural expectations.

I have cousins who I’ve known since they were toddlers getting married as well as having their own children. Some even have college degrees and careers while I don’t and I still only work part time.

I’ve been told I made a lot of self-fulfilling prophecies happen but I honestly did not want to reach the age I am and still have the same struggles I’ve had since I was a young adult. I wanted things to be different and I always took it hard when I didn’t succeed.

From what it does sound like. You are trapped in a cycle. Much like myself.

You want to do more. You want to try for relationships. Yet you backpeddle when you feel like everything is against you. There is a saying that is important to these kinda conversations.

"Nothing worth doing is easy."

This is absolutely true. Anything you want to do will require effort. Nothing will happen the way you exactly want it. And that is okay. Life throws curveballs. Mistakes will happen. To berate yourself for things out of your control, is a asinine notion. I know, because I do it to myself. It's a worthless thing to do to yourself. You will remain miserable.

Like my Uncle says "You tried it this way for X amount of years. Why not try it a different way?"

It's easier said than done. And years of bad habits are a pain to break. Especially when they get deep rooted into our modus operandi. It's insane how hard it is. I am going through hell with it. But if you are not willing to face the depths of hell, you will never face yourself.

Ask yourself and truly contemplate this question:

"What have I done to myself and others, to cause this situation I am in?"

Don't get it twisted though. You are not questioning if you are good or bad. You are reflecting on your actions and the influence those choices have made. You are not a bad person, unless you make yourself that. Digest all this in your mind and reconcile it within your spirit.

Before you can be honest to others. You need to be honest with yourself.

 

[Markness]

Why do those who don’t want me to have a girlfriend hate me so much?

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Why do those who don’t want me to have a girlfriend hate me so much?

Who does not want you to get a girlfriend, If you want a relation ship it has to start with you. My uncle simply went to a dance, she found him. So you have to put yourself in a position to be found. Watched a video on Paul Dirac. same thing she found him.

 

[Markness]

Who does not want you to get a girlfriend, If you want a relation ship it has to start with you. My uncle simply went to a dance, she found him. So you have to put yourself in a position to be found. Watched a video on Paul Dirac. same thing she found him.

I’ve actually had people who don’t like me tell me things like “You’ll never get a chick!” or more crudely “You’ll never get laid!”, amongst other demeaning statements.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Based on what you have said so far I actually like you, would like to help as much as possible. My youngest brother,
suspects he has ADHD, went to college graduated always complained that life never went his way, sort of glass is half full attitude. Then got crappy job in city unrelated to his schooling at phone company, complained had to leave parents place on farm. My attitude as his older brother was glass is half full, find some water fill the other half. Then one day he got a phone call the phone company called him apparently they had contacted the college looking for graduate who was familiar with the rural lifestyle who they could contact for employing as a service technician. My brother name come up, They gave him a service vehicle sent him to every remote location in Ontario paid his expenses lodging. He picked the cheapest lodging in town. Did this for years, then the switching stations got upgraded, did not need him any more. Then he got hired by the international version of the phone company got sent to every remote place on the planet installing phone systems. Lost this job as cell phones starting to take over
Decided all hope is lost joined Air force, few months later another phone company contacted him, told them he was in military, could not just give in notice, had to give years of service travelled world even flew on planes carrying dignitaries including royalty as part of crew. Got stationed places near north pole middle east. Always complained he could not get girlfriend, travelled to much, Retired a few months ago at 60, All I see is him and I had completely different attitude. I landed on my feet thinking bad luck followed me every where lived my life fighting it, every turn
good luck followed him he just never saw it.