Not sure if I can stay

[Ginseng]

Hi I'm sorry I might not be here long.

I hope you decide to stay. I think you will like it here. I am sorry to hear how rough your home life was and how non-nurturing your mother was. Everyone needs a mother but I truly believe autistic's need a mother the most. We can't make our parent's truly parent. I wish I could make all parent's treat their children with respect, kindness, gentleness and love. The only thing I could do was make that my goal with my own son.

 

[Kyou Nukui]

Hi Kyou Nukui and welcome to here. Is that your dog in the picture?
I think it's funny but I also panic and feel rushed to come up with a name or password. And you should see me trying to get through a kiosk machine. lol It's so much pressure. We have a McDonalds here that started using the kiosk and their system is so messed up. You can only order at the kiosk machine (they can't take your order at the counter), then it's hard to know which button to press to pay and due to the pressure I always hit the wrong one I guess and have to go to the counter to pay. I told them I was going to start going through the drive thru to order then bring it inside to eat.

Not my dog but my painting. It's acrylic on canvas, 20"x24" if I recall correctly. :")
I have not seen the kiosks of which you speak but I do avoid self service checkouts like the plague! I also feel that if I'm doing the job that the checkout staff used to then I deserve a discounted price due to the work I'm doing!! That's fair, right?

 

[Kyou Nukui]

have you tried Macmillan Cancer care ?they may have a hotline ?for you could talk to them about the melanoma , sorry can't remember phone numbers anymore .

Thanks for the suggestion. I haven't and tbh I would feel that I was taking a vital service from others who need it more and can benefit more than I would. I have no real problems from the melanomas its just the psychological pressure of finally getting the autism diagnosis and so much to think about and to feel, then straight away the extra stress. I do know that now I've had two melanoma the odds of a bad future (lymphoma) are changed and not in my favour, I'm not relaxed about it lol but I have bigger problems right now just figuring out this autism thing and trying to understand what is attributable to autism and what is the psychological damage of the years of misunderstanding and mistreatment by guardians, authorities, employers and peers.

 

[Kyou Nukui]

I can only imagine how you feel, I have never been even close to that situation... But rather than just bottling it up it's good to reach out, this forum is better then any social media... Please stick around, there is so much help on here for you...

I hope you decide to stay. I think you will like it here. I am sorry to hear how rough your home life was and how non-nurturing your mother was. Everyone needs a mother but I truly believe autistic's need a mother the most. We can't make our parent's truly parent. I wish I could make all parent's treat their children with respect, kindness, gentleness and love. The only thing I could do was make that my goal with my own son.

Thank you for the welcome. I am going to try and share some stories and stuff. Maybe I even have a bit of wisdom to pass on.. Who knows lol.

 

[TheFreeCat]

Not my dog but my painting. It's acrylic on canvas, 20"x24" if I recall correctly. :")
I have not seen the kiosks of which you speak but I do avoid self service checkouts like the plague! I also feel that if I'm doing the job that the checkout staff used to then I deserve a discounted price due to the work I'm doing!! That's fair, right?

You drew that dog? That is amazing. I would like to learn more about the underground gardens

 

[Kyou Nukui]

You drew that dog? That is amazing. I would like to learn more about the underground gardens

Well, painted from a photo his owner provided. :") I would have done a smart looking portrait painting in soft pastels on paper but the photos just sooo weren't suitable for that, so I used the acrylics and the poster style. His wiry fur suits the brush anyway.

Ooh "special interest!" heh Yes, okay well my garden is below ground but not underground, the people in the street can lean over to look down into it, and they do, those who are interested in gardening. They have a much better view than I have from my window actually but I like to hear their opinions in secret from behind the living room curtains. I have a ground floor flat with an extra room, in the basement underneath my living room, and the window of that allows me to climb out into the little bit of garden. It was just a paved space but I added many plant pots and hauled compost back from the shop and through the flat. I'm gradually building up the number of pots and plants to fill it up.
The front of the four storey (plus basement makes five) house faces north-north-west and the garden is about nine feet below the street so the it is always in deep shade except for a couple of hours each day in summer. I decided to try to grow some unlikely plants for such a position and our local climate to hopefully impress, as well as some that would be more at home in this setting so there would be something to look at even if my more exotic plants failed. Here is the sunniest end in May, things just took off after that.
View media item 11171I have the tiniest little pond in the shadiest corner of the garden, just a small pot sunk into a larger pot of compost so it keeps the compost damp when it overflows, to grow hostas and four types of ferns which are gradually obscuring the pond and making it better for wildlife.
View media item 11173I have since pushed the coated wire mesh down to the water and inserted "rapid rooter" type cubes through it to support some watercress then next spring some wetland grasses and anything wild that takes root there. I have seen little dragonflies in the garden so hopefully they will be able to breed or at least feed there.
View media item 11174I will upload a few more pictures to my profile for anyone who is interested.

 

[Sherlock77]

You are very talented! @Kyou Nukui I couldn't do that, it shows creativity, I just take photos instead...

 

[Kyou Nukui]

You are very talented! @Kyou Nukui I couldn't do that, it shows creativity, I just take photos instead...

Ekkk! >.< Thank you very much! :") [hides behind the curtains] :")

 

[Streetwise]

Thanks for the suggestion. I haven't and tbh I would feel that I was taking a vital service from others who need it more and can benefit more than I would. I have no real problems from the melanomas its just the psychological pressure of finally getting the autism diagnosis and so much to think about and to feel, then straight away the extra stress. I do know that now I've had two melanoma the odds of a bad future (lymphoma) are changed and not in my favour, I'm not relaxed about it lol but I have bigger problems right now just figuring out this autism thing and trying to understand what is attributable to autism and what is the psychological damage of the years of misunderstanding and mistreatment by guardians, authorities, employers and peers.

it's not somebody coming to the house to dress your wounds ,The idea is they know when somebody says cancer it's a shock my mother had motor neuron disease and there is a helpline for that it's just for somebody to talk to because they probably know a lot of people won't want to talk about it doesn't say Macmillan some kind of cancers don't talk about other kind of cancer care .
macmillan support telephone number freephone :08088080000 Monday to Friday 9 AM to 8 PM

 

[Kyou Nukui]

it's not somebody coming to the house to dress your wounds ,The idea is they know when somebody says cancer it's a shock my mother had motor neuron disease and there is a helpline for that it's just for somebody to talk to because they probably know a lot of people won't want to talk about it doesn't say Macmillan some kind of cancers don't talk about other kind of cancer care .

I do understand that and Idk, maybe I will decide that I want to talk to them at some point. It was a bit of a shock at the time.
I find it very difficult to ask for help, especially when I know others have much worse problems and need support more than I do.

 

[Autistamatic]

I find it very difficult to ask for help, especially when I know others have much worse problems and need support more than I do.

That seems to be quite a common trait amongst us. As you spend time here you'll notice how many people join this forum already at the end of their rope because they haven't sought help or haven't realised it was there. We seem to learn self-reliance through necessity quite young and get out of the habit of seeking help.

 

[Mia]

Welcome ^‿^

 

[puzzlingbill]

Welcome -- love the gardening pictures.

 

[TheFreeCat]

Well, painted from a photo his owner provided. :") I would have done a smart looking portrait painting in soft pastels on paper but the photos just sooo weren't suitable for that, so I used the acrylics and the poster style. His wiry fur suits the brush anyway.

Ooh "special interest!" heh Yes, okay well my garden is below ground but not underground, the people in the street can lean over to look down into it, and they do, those who are interested in gardening. They have a much better view than I have from my window actually but I like to hear their opinions in secret from behind the living room curtains. I have a ground floor flat with an extra room, in the basement underneath my living room, and the window of that allows me to climb out into the little bit of garden. It was just a paved space but I added many plant pots and hauled compost back from the shop and through the flat. I'm gradually building up the number of pots and plants to fill it up.
The front of the four storey (plus basement makes five) house faces north-north-west and the garden is about nine feet below the street so the it is always in deep shade except for a couple of hours each day in summer. I decided to try to grow some unlikely plants for such a position and our local climate to hopefully impress, as well as some that would be more at home in this setting so there would be something to look at even if my more exotic plants failed. Here is the sunniest end in May, things just took off after that.
View media item 11171I have the tiniest little pond in the shadiest corner of the garden, just a small pot sunk into a larger pot of compost so it keeps the compost damp when it overflows, to grow hostas and four types of ferns which are gradually obscuring the pond and making it better for wildlife.
View media item 11173I have since pushed the coated wire mesh down to the water and inserted "rapid rooter" type cubes through it to support some watercress then next spring some wetland grasses and anything wild that takes root there. I have seen little dragonflies in the garden so hopefully they will be able to breed or at least feed there.
View media item 11174I will upload a few more pictures to my profile for anyone who is interested.

These are amazing. I wish I could do that!

 

[Kyou Nukui]

These are amazing. I wish I could do that!

Thank you but now I'm blushing! Everyone is too nice here!! [hides face] >_<
Anyway I'm sure you can do just about anything if you break it down into sections and work through each of them methodically. Actually I mean anything that is okay to do slowly. Stuff like welding, rowing across oceans, and playing the drums is hard because it goes wrong if you slow down; but when you can take as much time as you like and pause between each action, the work can be done a little bit at a time. That's how I usually work at things anyway. :")