After reading several posts, and despite my strong inclination against it, I decided to join this forum.
I am self diagnosed Asperger's. As a child I was forced to see a child psychologist. That was way back in the 70's, so this wasn't really widely discussed. I was branded hyperactive and immediately placed on drugs.
I distinctly remember the incident that caused me to switch from being friendly and sociable to mistrusting human beings and it was years before the child psychologist...it was the first day of 1st grade at a new school when instantly upon arrival to the playground, 2 boys grabbed me, held me against a wall and a third bowed down and ran his head into my abdomen. When I reported it, I was told that I must have done something to provoke the attack! Boom, instant mistrust of children and adults.
This pattern continued. I am apparently a super genius. I taught myself how to write cursive in the 2nd grade. When I brought it in for show and tell, the teacher snatched my paper out of my hand, crunched it up and threw it away. Then she grabbed me by my hair and dragged me back to my desk, slamming me into my chair and told me "I an the teacher here...you don't learn anything until I teach it to you!". I reported that incident to my parents, who went to the school and were told that it never happened! Reinforcing my mistrust of lying human adults.
It was the following year that same school convinced my parents I was incorrigible and needed psychiatric help.
School boundaries changed and 5th grade was a new school. THANK GOD (sorta).
I always finished in-class assignments way before anyone else except this one girl. Our teacher would allow us to work ahead. By the end of the first quarter, i was in 7th grade level reading and math. By the end of that year, I was in Kunior level COLLEGE reading and 8th grade math. (I was reading before kindergarten).
When 6th grade started, I was tested and found to have an IQ of 164! I was then promoted to 7th grade...a whole new school AND format (no more single class/teacher).
My honest and serious nature combined with my intelligence of course brought on much bullying..to which those in power once again said I was the cause. In 8th grade, I had finally had enough with being beaten up and nobody ever stopping it and when one kid was pulling his crap I totally snapped and beat the living daylights out of him. I if course was again branded an incorrigible violent problem child...the pattern continued.
Enough history. I am now pushing 54 and am more misanthropic than ever. My ability to clearly see patterns, I believe, is because I do not feel like I am part of the human race, and therefore observe it from outside..like the rats in a maze do not realize they are in the maze.
I find most human behavior to be abhorrent and evil. Like many of you, I find the occasional human to be acceptable to talk to and actually have made very few friends. I agree that the internet/Facebook have completely destroyed the meaning of the word "friend". When watching TV, I see and understand that not ALL humans are retarded mindless ape-creatures, but I compare human existence to swimming through the New York City raw sewage system in search of a tenth carat diamond.
I am self diagnosed Asperger's. As a child I was forced to see a child psychologist. That was way back in the 70's, so this wasn't really widely discussed. I was branded hyperactive and immediately placed on drugs.
I distinctly remember the incident that caused me to switch from being friendly and sociable to mistrusting human beings and it was years before the child psychologist...it was the first day of 1st grade at a new school when instantly upon arrival to the playground, 2 boys grabbed me, held me against a wall and a third bowed down and ran his head into my abdomen. When I reported it, I was told that I must have done something to provoke the attack! Boom, instant mistrust of children and adults.
This pattern continued. I am apparently a super genius. I taught myself how to write cursive in the 2nd grade. When I brought it in for show and tell, the teacher snatched my paper out of my hand, crunched it up and threw it away. Then she grabbed me by my hair and dragged me back to my desk, slamming me into my chair and told me "I an the teacher here...you don't learn anything until I teach it to you!". I reported that incident to my parents, who went to the school and were told that it never happened! Reinforcing my mistrust of lying human adults.
It was the following year that same school convinced my parents I was incorrigible and needed psychiatric help.
School boundaries changed and 5th grade was a new school. THANK GOD (sorta).
I always finished in-class assignments way before anyone else except this one girl. Our teacher would allow us to work ahead. By the end of the first quarter, i was in 7th grade level reading and math. By the end of that year, I was in Kunior level COLLEGE reading and 8th grade math. (I was reading before kindergarten).
When 6th grade started, I was tested and found to have an IQ of 164! I was then promoted to 7th grade...a whole new school AND format (no more single class/teacher).
My honest and serious nature combined with my intelligence of course brought on much bullying..to which those in power once again said I was the cause. In 8th grade, I had finally had enough with being beaten up and nobody ever stopping it and when one kid was pulling his crap I totally snapped and beat the living daylights out of him. I if course was again branded an incorrigible violent problem child...the pattern continued.
Enough history. I am now pushing 54 and am more misanthropic than ever. My ability to clearly see patterns, I believe, is because I do not feel like I am part of the human race, and therefore observe it from outside..like the rats in a maze do not realize they are in the maze.
I find most human behavior to be abhorrent and evil. Like many of you, I find the occasional human to be acceptable to talk to and actually have made very few friends. I agree that the internet/Facebook have completely destroyed the meaning of the word "friend". When watching TV, I see and understand that not ALL humans are retarded mindless ape-creatures, but I compare human existence to swimming through the New York City raw sewage system in search of a tenth carat diamond.
