NT male needs help understanding ASD wife

[I love roses]

Hi there, my husband is the nt and I agree, that there is a heck of a lot of information regarding aspie men and so very little regarding aspie females.

We need clear instructions; we do not tolerate lack of logic. If you say what you mean, your wife can work with it.

My husband can be extremely evasive, which drives crazy.

My husband will swear that he does all he can and that I am just not listening or cannot be bothered to understand and YET, I have managed to explain what I need him to do and because he won't or I think more to do with "male pride" that his wife is not the typical woman.

We actually tend towords male thinking.

Have you asked her what she is requiring or are you ASSUMING that you know what she is requiring?

Just reread and did have a chuckle, because my husband says the same regarding me that because my expectations are not realised how I want them to be, I throw out bad vibes. The fact is, that I do see that I expect something to happen and when it doesn't, I think: how can you not see that is supposed to happen? I am told that I try to think of us both and I do not allow him to have his own thoughts, so I am working on that and one thing.

Does your wife make scenarios in her head and then, because they do not go like that, she is bitterly disappointed?

I like what you said about we think like men.mBecause of that I mostly talk to men with logic. But it caused women and religious leaders to attack me when as a woman would not stick to only socializing with my gender because woman are all fluff, make-up, frill, small talkers and they always ended up bullying me. I used to avoid women but
i try harder now. They treat me like a floozy and I’m not after men!!! I don’t want them. I just like to talk and have friends.

 

[I love roses]

I am a NT male and my wife has Aspergers. I love her more than anything, so much that I am reaching out on a forum! I need help and feel like I’m drowning trying to keep my marriage afloat! We can have the best time in the world and then the next second I don’t respond or do something in a way she expected and all hell breaks loose. There are so many rules that I have learned and tried to follow to treat her the way that she claims she needs and I’m failing! I have zero time for myself Bc I’m always trying to make sure I do everything right to keep us happy. The internet is full of info for NT women with an AS male partner but zero the other way around. Can anyone help me understand this?

Read all over this whole website to all the expressions in the posts. Don’t expect to find your answer asking people to solve it on this one thread.When you read different threads all over this website and see how .aspies relate and think and struggle, you will easily see many answers. It doesn’t mean it will fix the relationship.
y’all have to do that as a couple. But you will at least understand the problem.

 

[Khendra]

Yikes...I have to echo the other members here who think your wife sounds more like a manipulator than anything, and that her behavior isn't necessarily indicative of spectrum women as a dogmatic rule. I'm an Aspie married to an NT husband, and we don't have these sorts of issues. I'm afraid you won't find the answers you need on an Internet forum. Sounds like you will need to try and work this out directly with her, and a respected counselor/intermediary if necessary.