Before I delve into the pond of issues (very few now compared to the past though still plenty rough times), I want to mention that he has restrained interests, though his interests are about 3 major ones, and others (2) not as deep but he can get into easily. Not sure if that fact points there are enough to make HFA (the branch, not the type) or it's just Asperger's. (yeah, I know now in some countries it's no longer with categories, just ASD, but this is something I really want to know) I can't easily talk about his autism with him because he gets veeeery unstable and tells me I'm trying to treat him like a patient rather than a lover (it's totally not my intention, just very hard to find a way to discuss and I think hes not liking the topic itself).
Main issue that bothers me currently (and him if I had to guess) is his sudden loss of patience over questions, things I say, things he misunderstands that I say. He said he doesn't have as much patience with people, which's always been the case IMO but now it thins down every now and then and even if it doesn't he still reacts harshly for no good reason to many things, concepts, questions. There is a lot of misunderstanding going both ways but his reaction and patience just breaks me. He says rude things suddenly, and they're not very thought out. I just start crying and can't lift myself up even though I try to tell myself all the things in the world, it's crushing to think he still treats me like this, he just doesn't control his reaction, because I feel we're so close. It's super frustrating to deal with and it makes me mad at him tbh. It also makes me mad that I can never even say things to him because there's this crippling fear and anxiety that he'd be upset, that maybe its not the way I think it happened (but thats not the case, it's what he lied to me about, which confused me and didnt fix anything)... a ton of thoughts and it just makes it hard to tell him. Though I have times when I can tell him things and he's more tolerant lately to them so he doesn't straight want to split up or does split up. He loathes conflict and doesn't get its importance, or just how tough it would be to avoid them since we are the people that we are. Or maybe he does, just dislikes it.
He presents himself like a super smart strong person and me like a mediocre one which he "would not follow" because I'm not special enough to stand out in the crowd (which I actively avoid and deem it fighting against the urge to feel special and letting others shine through and observing them, learning), while I just think he's really human. He's still not moved on from his bestest friend ever and crush, who has died (as well as many of his close people), which drove him into a depression lasting years and years and getting worse even now.
He really seems human, because facts vs. his talk kind of pale out. He's so bad at keeping promises, even when he offers them himself, even given his past failures. Maybe that's just because he keeps trying. He's disabled big time and more and more I notice it's something I must come to terms with even though hes hopping over challenges like a trained stallion and conquering them even when hes out of hope. What I don't get and is the worst thing is his lies. He lies a lot. And sometimes he confesses he lied. Once he lied again about the same thing, being quite frightening that I just gave in and believed it. But I often put my trust in him despite my better judgement, and it feels like betrayal in the area of his own self. It drives me mad, like I try to fix things and he gives me false facts. "Are you helping here or are you against me?" kind of feeling. It's totally unnecessary. I don't even know what to make of it, is this an uncommon way to fix things that bother me? Or is this just his high ego and his issues and he just rather blame me when he lies and then confess about his lie. Which I guess wouldn't be that bad since he acknowledges it and eventually comes clean. I just don't get why he has to lie so much, is this an autist thing, not understanding or caring much about the mainstream rules? He's quite chaotic sometimes, he has his own path he follows even if he could fix/do things the proper way and easier. Then other times he seems like a cheeky teenager. Joking at the wrong time, joking about the wrong things, stressful. He's 5 years younger so that should explain some of his playfulness though it tires me and affects my mood, quite testing the limit. I will be blunt with him sometimes, which he mostly tolerates. Quite proud of him in enough areas, as well as he's improved so much. He used to almost slay me if I wanted cuddles, wipe me off the face of earth, or just from his life, but he cuddles me even without me asking now, hes just a cuddle monster, omg! This man is incredible. Save me!!!
Main issue that bothers me currently (and him if I had to guess) is his sudden loss of patience over questions, things I say, things he misunderstands that I say. He said he doesn't have as much patience with people, which's always been the case IMO but now it thins down every now and then and even if it doesn't he still reacts harshly for no good reason to many things, concepts, questions. There is a lot of misunderstanding going both ways but his reaction and patience just breaks me. He says rude things suddenly, and they're not very thought out. I just start crying and can't lift myself up even though I try to tell myself all the things in the world, it's crushing to think he still treats me like this, he just doesn't control his reaction, because I feel we're so close. It's super frustrating to deal with and it makes me mad at him tbh. It also makes me mad that I can never even say things to him because there's this crippling fear and anxiety that he'd be upset, that maybe its not the way I think it happened (but thats not the case, it's what he lied to me about, which confused me and didnt fix anything)... a ton of thoughts and it just makes it hard to tell him. Though I have times when I can tell him things and he's more tolerant lately to them so he doesn't straight want to split up or does split up. He loathes conflict and doesn't get its importance, or just how tough it would be to avoid them since we are the people that we are. Or maybe he does, just dislikes it.
He presents himself like a super smart strong person and me like a mediocre one which he "would not follow" because I'm not special enough to stand out in the crowd (which I actively avoid and deem it fighting against the urge to feel special and letting others shine through and observing them, learning), while I just think he's really human. He's still not moved on from his bestest friend ever and crush, who has died (as well as many of his close people), which drove him into a depression lasting years and years and getting worse even now.
He really seems human, because facts vs. his talk kind of pale out. He's so bad at keeping promises, even when he offers them himself, even given his past failures. Maybe that's just because he keeps trying. He's disabled big time and more and more I notice it's something I must come to terms with even though hes hopping over challenges like a trained stallion and conquering them even when hes out of hope. What I don't get and is the worst thing is his lies. He lies a lot. And sometimes he confesses he lied. Once he lied again about the same thing, being quite frightening that I just gave in and believed it. But I often put my trust in him despite my better judgement, and it feels like betrayal in the area of his own self. It drives me mad, like I try to fix things and he gives me false facts. "Are you helping here or are you against me?" kind of feeling. It's totally unnecessary. I don't even know what to make of it, is this an uncommon way to fix things that bother me? Or is this just his high ego and his issues and he just rather blame me when he lies and then confess about his lie. Which I guess wouldn't be that bad since he acknowledges it and eventually comes clean. I just don't get why he has to lie so much, is this an autist thing, not understanding or caring much about the mainstream rules? He's quite chaotic sometimes, he has his own path he follows even if he could fix/do things the proper way and easier. Then other times he seems like a cheeky teenager. Joking at the wrong time, joking about the wrong things, stressful. He's 5 years younger so that should explain some of his playfulness though it tires me and affects my mood, quite testing the limit. I will be blunt with him sometimes, which he mostly tolerates. Quite proud of him in enough areas, as well as he's improved so much. He used to almost slay me if I wanted cuddles, wipe me off the face of earth, or just from his life, but he cuddles me even without me asking now, hes just a cuddle monster, omg! This man is incredible. Save me!!!
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