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NT with an undiagnosed ex-partner with ASD - how to proceed?

Definitely, you can't assign mistreatment of children to anything. It should be called out as such, irregardless if the partner is ASD or not. To focus on ASD is not helping the child. Simple questions of the child, such as how are you feeling, is everything going alright at home, may help the child open up if there are iissues.This is way quicker then trying to determine if your partner is ASD, and all the process that goes along with that. What's more important is for your child to know they have trusted support system in place, if on the off chance, your partner is unable to provide this from what you are saying. Letting that child know that you are always available to listen to anything they may need to discuss, helps establish trust and emotional support to guide them.
 
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Snaporaz is male and his wife is female.
I am not sure you realise that.
Thank you for correcting!
I didn't notice my bad assumptions and reading too fast.

I think the same principles would still apply, but switch to the appropriate pronouns.
 

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