Obsessions that change a lot

[Full Steam]

When I am interested in something, I research the behind off of it. The Web has only made this more gratifying

Beautiful use of English there.

I seem to be seeing great word play on this forum. Is that an aspie trait?

I love clever use of words, but most people seem unaware an unappreciative.

 

[Full Steam]

Thats a good question, the more I read the more I seem to comprehend and it seems to me more like a goal. Unfortunately my psychiatrist in my head seems to mention that I should not read to much so that I do not burn my self out and that university/college is real hard work. I read between the lines and it's like he is saying it is not possible for a person like me to have a degree. My belief is is I spend the next 10 years reading about autism and psychology that there is no reason why I can not be where I imagine myself should be.

Don't believe the voice in your head. You are not your thoughts.

One of the last great Indian sages Ramana Maharishi likened the human condition to standing at the front of a train, arms full of baggage, commenting about the route the train is taking. We believe we need to carry our bags and talk our way to progress.

In reality we can drop the baggage and see the mind talk as a running commentary and nothing more. The train is going to keep going in the same direction regardless.

You can most certainly get to your goal it seems perfectly achievable to me.

 

[Full Steam]

Beautiful use of English there.

I seem to be seeing great word play on this forum. Is that an aspie trait?

I love clever use of words, but most people seem unaware an unappreciative.

I wonder if that's because we use words designed to create visual mind pictures?

I loved the "research the behind of It" because it create a picture in my mind.

Interesting...

 

[NLD?]

I'm like the "one thing for several years" type and it is rather annoying sometimes, possibly the exact opposite of you. Balance is good. Too much of one thing always gets old after a while but taking a break and doing other things never seem to reach the same level of engagement because I still think I am "engaged to the other thing" or whatever. "Most people" I seem to observe are somewhere in the middle. I would guess that the most ideal kind is probably to have both long term / stable as well as short term / brief intense burst of energy special interests.

This sounds somewhat like me but I might be more extreme than you.

By the way everyone, I'm new here, don't have Aspergers but my old therapist was convinced I have Nonverbal Learning Disability/Disorder which is closely related.

Does anyone else have this?

I also have Anxiety and depression.

I am a very obsessive person and it drives me crazy. The martial arts are my biggest obsession and I've been obsessed with them since age 8, and I don't know if it's helped or hurt my life more...probably helped...but I drive myself insane cause I am never good enough and I will refuse to try new things because they'd "take away from training" but then I won't train for weeks or even months now because the obsession with never being good enough ruins the good time I have there so I won't want to go...couple with my newest neck injury (not new actually, just diagnosed, fun fun lol).

I am obsessed believing I can never be a happy person unless I have an MMA fight, think about it every day, but I'm not sure I can continue trying after 3 ACL surgeries and a wrist surgery and now a neck injury. I'm a doggedly stubborn person though and that helped because many people I know quit after one knee surgery, but 3 and a wrist wasn't enough for me...yet the EMOTIONAL toll is what wears me down more than the physical.

Like others though, I go on tangents with the internet, becoming fascinated with things that lead to me looking up other stuff, and that's usually fun and rarely causes me stress like martial arts.

At this point, I've taken something I used to love for it's own sake and used it to make me miserable.

It's frustrating to say the least lol, not wanting to give in to quitting, but feeling physically and emotionally drained by it.

Let me know if you relate to this idea anyone haha...

 

[NLD?]

I know I'm new here, but this last post was something hard to admit and personal, so I'd appreciate knowing if anyone has any feedback on what I described or anyone has felt a similar way.

Thanks

 

[Full Steam]

I kind of have something similar.

For me it's my goal of building my business and selling it so I can move to the country side, somewhere quiet.

I think the worst part is off setting happiness until some point in the future.

Maybe that's common in any one whose driven though.

How does anyone succeed in anything unless they are driven and goal focused?

Are you obsessed with the action itself or a goal that the action takes you towards?

I think it was Anthony Robbins said that you can take away an addiction without replacing it.

Can you find another goal and chase that?
That's not quiting of course.

Quitting is giving in because it got hard. No one could accuse you of that.

I'm also extremely stubborn and I'll die before I give up.

But I would change the goal of another made more sense.

 

[NLD?]

I kind of have something similar.

For me it's my goal of building my business and selling it so I can move to the country side, somewhere quiet.

I think the worst part is off setting happiness until some point in the future.

Maybe that's common in any one whose driven though.

How does anyone succeed in anything unless they are driven and goal focused?

Are you obsessed with the action itself or a goal that the action takes you towards?

I think it was Anthony Robbins said that you can take away an addiction without replacing it.

Can you find another goal and chase that?
That's not quiting of course.

Quitting is giving in because it got hard. No one could accuse you of that.

I'm also extremely stubborn and I'll die before I give up.

But I would change the goal of another made more sense.

I kind of have something similar.

For me it's my goal of building my business and selling it so I can move to the country side, somewhere quiet.

I think the worst part is off setting happiness until some point in the future.

Maybe that's common in any one whose driven though.

How does anyone succeed in anything unless they are driven and goal focused?

Are you obsessed with the action itself or a goal that the action takes you towards?

I think it was Anthony Robbins said that you can take away an addiction without replacing it.

Can you find another goal and chase that?
That's not quiting of course.

Quitting is giving in because it got hard. No one could accuse you of that.

I'm also extremely stubborn and I'll die before I give up.

But I would change the goal of another made more sense.

With your quote did you mean that Anthony Robbins said you "CAN'T take away an addiction without replacing it"?

Cause I think that's what you meant.

Well, it's complicated, because part of me would say I would like to replace it with something else IF I could, another would say I wouldn't, but either way I don't feel very confident I can.

I've always loved the martial arts, it's a HUGE part of who I am, and I don't want to stop training, and would still like to have a fight very badly, but what I want to do is CHANGE HOW I THINK ABOUT IT.

Many people have this goal and I know some who have accomplished it, but they aren't obsessed like me to the point where it drives them away from training for it, in fact, I know for a fact that my obsession HURTS my chances of doing it at all.

And for me, I would still see it as quitting unless I literally did everything in my power to make it happen, and I haven't come even CLOSE to doing that.

I have tried hard only for sporadic periods, and I know people who I admire and train with who might really say I quit because the goal was too hard, and I can't have ANYONE saying that or believing that, and worst of all, I'd believe it MYSELF.

This obsession is so deep I hate myself for it, but I had another more private obsession earlier in life that was probably just as self destructive, and I MOSTLY got over that, but I don't want to go into what it was.

I think one replaced the other, and that one is likely to replace this one even if I accomplish this goal because I am obsessive and an extremely anxious person by nature.

As to your other question: I am obsessed with training martial arts, but if it were only the training itself, in a single minded healthy manner, that would just be a passion not an obsession (which it also is, but less lately).

But in reality, I turned what had once been a healthy passion into an obsession because I believe somehow it will lead me to peace of mind in life and that if I have an MMA fight I won't be such an anxious and obsessive person in the future cause I'll have conquered one of my greatest fears which is at the same time my greatest goal.

To fight another person in front of a couple hundred fans is a pretty daunting task for most people, let alone someone with very bad anxiety like myself.

But it's not the only thing I'm afraid of, and I've CONVINCED myself this thing is my one and only holy grail to the peace of mind I crave and that if I can't or don't do it I can NEVER become a happy person and might as well lose all hope in life (which is crazy I know...)

In reality, I am sure that even IF I was able to do it, my life would never be perfect, and eventually another obsession would come about.

I guess in a nutshell: I feel I need to have a trial by fire, a rite of passage where I do something that is more terrifying than anything I've ever done and succeed so I can no longer be such a fearful person.

And because I am not so passionate about anything else which I am also so frightened of doing, I can't think of anything to replace it with.

It leads to no progress at all, in fact the exact opposite, and a circular negative thought pattern that leads to destruction and me being miserable.

Of course I am not asking for you or anyone else to come up with a solution and I've talked to therapists about it, but I've never heard an Aspie or non-NT's position on this kind of problem.

So yeah...sorry about the heaviness of the subject, but I'd be fascinated about your or anyone else's view on this...

 

[NLD?]

The thing with my problem is, it's more than an obsession it's really more of a complex, and also a delusion, thinking I can't possibly ever be happy if I don't do this.

I think this might go beyond the scope of what some people are talking about here...complexes/obsessions/delusions that are really destructive to our lives and way of thinking...

I don't mean to bum anyone else out, it's just the kind of thing I deal with with whatever my odd neurological makeup is...probably a combo of Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression and Non Verbal Learning Disability.

I don't know if this is an Apsie way of thinking about things, but I did know an Aspie who I did martial arts with, a kid, who could never be happy no matter how much he won.

I'm a lot like him, except I showed a lot more emotion than him when I'd do well in tournaments, but still I'd never be satisfied.

It's really a fear of death thing.

An "I need to do something big in my life while I'm still young" kind of deal.

Maybe this is more than anyone else here wants to reply to as this thread hadn't been about anything that was truly driving anyone to depression...my anxious nature is often a bit too much for most people to handle, which is why I thought some people on here might relate to me more...

If you guys think I should repost this in another more fitting forum I will.

 

[Full Steam]

It's fine by me and I have something to say about this, but it's probably going to be tomorrow before I get time.

 

[NLD?]

It's fine by me and I have something to say about this, but it's probably going to be tomorrow before I get time.

No problem.

Thanks

 

[NLD?]

Hey Full Steam,

I guess you're not around right now huh?

When you get the time to respond I'd appreciate it but no rush.

I don't want to annoy anyone.

Thanks

 

[Full Steam]

I'll respond when I get home. I'm in Australia so it's Christmas Eve morning here. Should be a couple of hours.

 

[Full Steam]

Don't worry about being annoying. Last thing we should be worry about when talking here. There's enough of that in the NT world.

 

[Full Steam]

Ok, back now!

I have some opinions about what you've written, but remember that's all they are and I'm not qualified in anything related to psychology.

All though maybe that's a good thing!.

I also may be going to far to fast, and that's a problem I seem to have, so let me know and I'm explain things.



I think you are looking for happiness in the wrong place.

It doesn't exist external to your self it comes from inside you. The more you chase it the more you'll fail.

Want proof?

I would guess you feel pretty happy doing MMA. Your mind clears and your life troubles are absent for a while. That means that MMA makes you happy?

Not so much.

You generated the happiness by having a quietened mind and thus got closer to your true self.

"What's searching is what you are searching for." Think about that as the greatest truth you can come to is in that phrase.

You have thrown yourself into the physical side of MMA but neglected the spiritual side, and there is one.

“If there is a God, he is within. You don’t ask God to give you things, you depend on God for your inner theme.”
– Bruce Lee

Everyone is chasing happiness and there are hundreds of books about it. Most people "know" happiness is fleeting, it's in your favourite food, movie or sport and then the world comes back.

All that is is a brief cessation of thoughts, long enough to feel at one with what you really are.

All you have to do is find out what you are. Martial arts can help as the truth of being is intrinsic in many of the arts, especially Kung Fu.

There are many ways to the truth of who you are; religion, eastern spirituality, yoga.

I got there through physics.

I woke up one morning with a thought that I had to find out what the nature of reality was, and what happened when we die. I started with mainstream physics, then quantum physics, then I read a book called Biocentrism by Robert Lanza, which is one of the best books I've ever read.

One idea proposed is that consciousness is fundamental to the universe. Without consciousness there is no universe. This fixes many Quantum mechanics problems, and explains The Hard problem of Consciousness. The author also said that we need to look more closely at the wisdom in eastern mysticism as it can lead us to the truth of the universe.

Terrible thing to tell an Aspie.

I did look, for about 3 years.

It took a long time (but far less than most people) to find the truth of myself). Mostly because there are so many paths, and they all lead to the same place.

Eventually I found what is probably the shortest path, and that's call the Direct Path to enlightenment.

It's based on Advaita Vedanta, and maybe a bit of Zen. Both are great, but longer paths.

The most basic truth of your experience that cannot be denied. the only thing that you can be sure of is "I Am".

What I am is the silent witness of experience. You can find that your self, and it's not hard.

Think back to when you were a child. The "thing" that witnessed events when you were a child and the "thing" that witnesses events now is the same. It's identical.

Everything else has changed.

You are what doesn't change.


Maybe that's a bit full on for now?

Chill out with a video;

Rupert Spira is one of my favourite non-duality teachers. Very clear and succinct path to enlightenment.


I'm away for week over Christmas, but will be able to write short posts.

Have a great Christmas.

 

[NLD?]

Ok, back now!

I have some opinions about what you've written, but remember that's all they are and I'm not qualified in anything related to psychology.

All though maybe that's a good thing!.

I also may be going to far to fast, and that's a problem I seem to have, so let me know and I'm explain things.



I think you are looking for happiness in the wrong place.

It doesn't exist external to your self it comes from inside you. The more you chase it the more you'll fail.

Want proof?

I would guess you feel pretty happy doing MMA. Your mind clears and your life troubles are absent for a while. That means that MMA makes you happy?

Not so much.

You generated the happiness by having a quietened mind and thus got closer to your true self.

"What's searching is what you are searching for." Think about that as the greatest truth you can come to is in that phrase.

You have thrown yourself into the physical side of MMA but neglected the spiritual side, and there is one.

“If there is a God, he is within. You don’t ask God to give you things, you depend on God for your inner theme.”
– Bruce Lee

Everyone is chasing happiness and there are hundreds of books about it. Most people "know" happiness is fleeting, it's in your favourite food, movie or sport and then the world comes back.

All that is is a brief cessation of thoughts, long enough to feel at one with what you really are.

All you have to do is find out what you are. Martial arts can help as the truth of being is intrinsic in many of the arts, especially Kung Fu.

There are many ways to the truth of who you are; religion, eastern spirituality, yoga.

I got there through physics.

I woke up one morning with a thought that I had to find out what the nature of reality was, and what happened when we die. I started with mainstream physics, then quantum physics, then I read a book called Biocentrism by Robert Lanza, which is one of the best books I've ever read.

One idea proposed is that consciousness is fundamental to the universe. Without consciousness there is no universe. This fixes many Quantum mechanics problems, and explains The Hard problem of Consciousness. The author also said that we need to look more closely at the wisdom in eastern mysticism as it can lead us to the truth of the universe.

Terrible thing to tell an Aspie.

I did look, for about 3 years.

It took a long time (but far less than most people) to find the truth of myself). Mostly because there are so many paths, and they all lead to the same place.

Eventually I found what is probably the shortest path, and that's call the Direct Path to enlightenment.

It's based on Advaita Vedanta, and maybe a bit of Zen. Both are great, but longer paths.

The most basic truth of your experience that cannot be denied. the only thing that you can be sure of is "I Am".

What I am is the silent witness of experience. You can find that your self, and it's not hard.

Think back to when you were a child. The "thing" that witnessed events when you were a child and the "thing" that witnesses events now is the same. It's identical.

Everything else has changed.

You are what doesn't change.


Maybe that's a bit full on for now?

Chill out with a video;

Rupert Spira is one of my favourite non-duality teachers. Very clear and succinct path to enlightenment.


I'm away for week over Christmas, but will be able to write short posts.

Have a great Christmas.

All I can say is, WOW...

That was one of the best answers and explanations for my problem/complex I could have asked for!

The video explained it perfectly, and I can only assume my mentioning the "fear of death" helped you recognize that problem further, but it's so common for everyone of course.

That's really why I seek to have an MMA fight: because it terrifies me and I imagine that through doing it I can achieve that heightened state of fear that I could possibly die or was in real danger in order to achieve the very release from pressure that Spira was talking about.

My issue is pretty much the same as everyone else's: the seeking of the "I" and removal of the veil from the "separate self" as he calls it.

I know of course intuitively that there are many paths to that "true self" as he mentions, and that my complex with having an MMA fight is a clinging to the external world which is not actually the true self, and while the martial arts I do are some of the best in the world for self defense and ring/cage combat, it is true that my school has no real spiritual element and I know that I am seeking that elsewhere to help me.

I think the importance of the spiritual element is probably stressed in many martial arts because it is so relevant to the facing/fighting of and release from pain/conflict that martial arts try to teach but it is often neglected in modern arts, as IMO the real life practicality is sometimes sacrificed in CERTAIN traditional arts or styles of Kung Fu that go the opposite end and focus too much exclusively on the spiritual, but there are many styles that tackle both.

Of course, just watching that video and reading your post aren't enough to immediately be happy lol, or everyone would just watch that video and be great.

So the questions become: 1) HOW do we find that "true self" and also in my case, 2) shouldn't I continue towards my goal of trying to have an MMA fight since I want to do it, and if so, 3) if I do and fail in the act, how could I NOT be unhappy afterwards??

The answer to the first question might be: There are many paths, but one could be this "Advaita Vedanta" you mentioned.

The 2nd perhaps?--Sure, keep trying, but realize it's just one path (??)

And the 3rd--Well I'm not quite sure the answer there, but perhaps Spira from what he sounds like from the video, might say something like "sure, you might be unhappy if you fail, but you only failed at one of infinite paths to happiness and will always have the chance till the day you die, to find "the true self" through another path", because, as he mentioned "the external triggers are not important"??

Just keeping trying till one of the paths works towards the same end goal: the realization of the "true self" "I" or "God" within us all (?)

PROFOUND STUFF.

I only wonder how well this works for people dealing with TRUE suffering, the loss of loved ones, chronic illness, traumatized war survivors etc...

I'm not REMOTELY like any of them, I have a great life, but still, just another person wanting that same thing we all want.

I'd imagine finding that enlightenment could be much more difficult for those people dealing with SERIOUS afflictions, but still not IMPOSSIBLE.

Well, I know you are away this week, so if you can't reply to my 3 questions at the end till you get back and feel it would take up too much time and space to do so now, then don't cause I don't want to bug you during the holidays.

I think I'm gonna like this forum though.

Not that NTs can never come up with these kinds of profound responses, but I think some of us think more similarly, and it was great hearing a non-NT response to this question/problem for the very first time.

Thanks and happy holidays!

 

[Full Steam]

Not got time for a longer reply. Glad you liked it.

Re: people in suffering. Check out Man's search for meaning by victor frankl.

He was a n Auschwitz survivor and psychologist, and he writes backing up the Neitche thing " A man who has a why can bare almost any how".

Once you know you are not your body or mind you experience a gap that makes existence easier.

I'll write more when I get time. I also plan to blog about this type of stuff when I can.

 

[Streetwise]

I've read a lot about obsessions and it's seems that most people report a small number that stay relatively consistent for years.

For me I can get a new obsession at any time that will start draining focus and attention away from whatever else it is I'm doing.

I can sometimes focus this into a mini obsession around a customer project which is great. (mini obsession is probably not a true obsession, but more like a deep focus and deeper than NT would likely do).

But then along comes an idea for a new business, or a (self) diagnosis of ASD, and I'm off down a deep rabbit hole with everything else behind me.

Does that fit any one else's experiences?

Hello fs ahead I'm streetwise my obsession was Sherlock Holmes and some aspects of victoriana.
Reading (biographies for a while )
Then trying to the holocaust so survivors stories
as I'm an aspie Christian Zionist.
Went to yad va shem in Jerusalem and was shocked by photographs of emaciated dead bodies .
Rein in buying things- that could be obsessive .
Like to watch birds
I think dunnocks are hilarious complete loners just bobbing along
Stopping

 

[Chris Russell]

My Obsession this week/month is a book called NeuroTribes The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity. I get a delusion that maybe it will help me understand myself, thus, allowing me to become a better person in one way or another.

My delusion is that I can become a psychologist one day because i've been observing immitating and analyzing people since i was 3 years old.

An excellent book to become obsessed by!

 

[Chris Russell]

Hello fs ahead I'm streetwise my obsession was Sherlock Holmes and some aspects of victoriana.
Reading (biographies for a while )
Then trying to the holocaust so survivors stories
as I'm an aspie Christian Zionist.
Went to yad va shem in Jerusalem and was shocked by photographs of emaciated dead bodies .
Rein in buying things- that could be obsessive .
Like to watch birds
I think dunnocks are hilarious complete loners just bobbing along
Stopping

The interesting thing about Dunnocks is that, as dull and sad as they appear - and you would have noticed that they stick mainly to the ground and thick bushes - they have one of the most beautiful songs in the bird world... there's a philosophical observation in there somewhere!

 

[Chris Russell]

When I am interested in something, I research the behind off of it. The Web has only made this more gratifying

Cats, nutrition and health, polar exploration, psychology; these have been steady for the last 16 years, some for far longer.

Oh, me too! I like to think that Aspies probably had a significant hand in the development of the web and subsequent technologies, so it's only fitting that we should benefit from its vast store of knowledge! I once spent the best part of a week researching Russian environmental impact assessment legislation. Then I moved on to medieval calligraphy... It's all there!