Official Assessment

[Raggamuffin]

Thanks for taking the time to reply with such detailed and thoughtful responses. I think the assessment will bring positives and potentially negatives - but it's a gut feeling for me. Something inside is curious and feels like it's the right thing to do.

I called my GP, but with the lockdown they said I need to ring in the morning and try to get a triage phonecall. It can be tricky to get through to them for the first few hours, but I will persevere. It helps that I'm working from home tomorrow.

There'd be no great loss if my workplace wasn't understanding or helpful - as there's nothing tying me to that place other than a salary - and one which belittles my skillset anyway.

Still, I promised myself this would be the last office job I worked. In a few years time I'll be financially able to work part time and focus much more on my art and selling that. It's comforting to know that this discomfort is merely temporary. In the mean time, whatever I can learn and accomplish in the mean time to help life make more sense and less chaotic is what I will pursue.

Ed

 

[Matthias]

I bought the book you recommended. I'm not that keen on how it's written but I am persevering. By page 18 it had said for my level of depression "it is not wise to try to treat a severe depression on your own. A professional consultation is a must. Seek out a trusted and competent counsellor."

That's a standard disclaimer to avoid liability if someone files a lawsuit claiming they injured themselves or a family member committed suicide because the author didn't tell them to see a therapist. Without it, people could claim the author implied the book was all they needed and sue him for any harm that may have been prevented had the author told them to see a professional.

I've seen 4 therapists over the years, with 2 specialising in CBT. It's interesting to see how when this book was written CBT didn't have the global backing it seems to nowadays. Still, there's no panacea for any mood disorder, so far as I can tell. As with the spectrum - everyone's experience is different. There might be similarities in some, but not all and everyone's approach, success and difficulties will have a unique flavour.

I'm going back to my therapist in a month or 2, once the lockdown is relieved. I think it best to spend a week or two completing some CBT worksheets and sending them to my therapist before our first session. Personally, I'm not a fan of the worksheet format and found them overly simplistic and patronising. Still, I know that simple advice can be effective - it's just the daily implementation that is far from simple.

Then again, as with quitting my addictions, I know that it just takes time to install new routines until the internal resistance starts to quieten down. For the best (worst) part of 20 years with depression I feel like there is a lot of background noise to quieten for CBT, or indeed other forms of therapy to really help.

Recently my therapist was trying to help me implement more mindfulness into day to day life. I think when I go back to therapy, I'll spend some time doing 1 session a week as opposed to 1 every fortnight. Still, in an ideal world I'd prefer maybe 2 sessions a week for a while. Simply because I feel like the positive feelings, and good advice start to burn out, or fade into forgetfulness after a day or 2 from my last session.

I can definitely relate to what you're saying. I signed up for a program that used CBT years ago and almost quit several times because it was so patronizing it made me angry (it was much worse than that book). While one part of the program was helpful, the CBT part was useless and so condescending it made me never want to try CBT again.

Fast forward to last year, I was so depressed I reluctantly decided to look into it again. I didn't like what I found. I couldn't relate to it. I thought depression and anxiety must be different for autistic people and all the CBT stuff was targeted at non-autistic people. I searched and found a YouTube series using CBT for children with ASD. It's for children but it was all I could find. I watched the series of 8 CBT videos and recovered from lifelong depression and anxiety the same day. I know that's hard to believe but Dr. Burns found several of his patients also recovered from lifelong depression in one day.

The reason is that while the automatic thoughts that many CBT therapists focus on made me feel depressed and anxious, they were merely a symptom of having depression and anxiety and not the cause of it. The reason I recovered after watching the CBT vidoes was because they helped me figure out what actually caused my depression and anxiety. It was due to beliefs I had for as long as I can remember, beliefs I probably formed when I was a baby, that were continually reinforced throughout my life because, like everyone else, I interpreted everything based on what I already believed. Since I had those beliefs my entire life, it never occurred to me that they may be wrong. Once I realized those beliefs were wrong, I no longer had any reason to be depressed or have anxiety.

If you persevere and keep reading Dr. Burn's book, he addresses things throughout the book that may help explain what caused you to become depressed. Many times, people become depressed later in life as a result of beliefs they formed as a child. For example, parents who praise their children when they accomplish something but harshly criticize them when they fail at something may end up basing their self-esteem on being successful. They may feel great while earning good grades in school and after graduation when they get a good job but become majorly depressed if they lose that job and can't find another because basing self-esteem on being successful can result in a person feeling like a failure when things aren't going well. If that person learned to base his self-esteem on something stable and secure like his intrinsic worth as a person, he could recover from depression and have a good self-esteem regardless of what happens in his life.

If a CBT exercise isn't helpful, you can always skip it and keep reading (you can always go back and try it later if you want). You may find something more helpful further on in the book.

 

[Raggamuffin]

Can you send links to those CBT videos?

Ed

 

[Progster]

I live in another country now, but when I was diagnosed I lived in the UK. I had a private diagnosis and it sounds similar to the one that you are considering, but it didn't cost nearly as much money, and not online. It consisted of an interview which lasted about 1 and a half hours, which my mum also attended. He asked me questions about my present difficulties and situation, about my past, and asked me about my past life too, while monitoring my responses and body language. He asked some very specific questions, about my play habits as a child, about my handwriting. Some of my mum's input really helped the diagnosis. I was given no tests, no IQ test, no further interviews, and about 20 minutes in he said he said that I seemed to have Asperger's traits.

I had some concerns initially (actually I worried about this a lot and still do) due to short duration of the assessment, the lack of testing, the fact that it was relying on the opinion of just one clinician, rather than a team as I believe the NHS prefers. But I was in the middle of a crisis and needed answers and help, I didn't want to wait the two years or however long it would take for an NHS diagnosis. I was also concerned that a private diagnosis might not be valid or recognised by the NHS, but my GP assured me that my diagnosis was valid. When I applied for support and benefits, they accepted my diagnosis as valid, though I wasn't able to claim any benefit for other reasons unrelated to the diagnosis.

It was worth it for me, as I finally got some answers; I know that there is an explanation for my difficulties and I can be not so hard on myself for my flaws and mistakes, past and present, and then use the knowledge as a reference to help me deal with my difficulties in the future.

 

[Raggamuffin]

I've got a triage call with a GP on Friday morning. I'll discuss with them the pro's and con's of a private assessment as well as hopefully be put on a waiting list for an NHS one.

Ed

 

[Matthias]

Can you send links to those CBT videos?

Ed

I was depressed because I felt alone and rejected. I thought people didn't like me because I was different. I had anxiety because I thought people didn't like me and judged me because I was different. The video on black and white thinking helped me see that placing everyone into two rigid categories (neurodiverse versus neurotypical) wasn't logical. The other vidoes helped correct other misunderstandings I had. Now, I see myself as a human being with problems and weaknesses just like everyone else. I don't feel alone or rejected. I know people are judging my actions (often based on a misunderstanding) and not me as a person. I can now be myself and feel hopeful about the future.

 

[Raggamuffin]

Thanks for the book recommendation. It's peaking my interest more - especially the list of cognitive distortions. I'm typing up notes on various sections and helpful bits of information so I can keep it for future referece.

I've been doing this with numerous books over the years - so I can easily find what I found to be most helpful or thought provoking.

Also, thank you for the video. I will watch it later.

Ed

 

[Raggamuffin]

Got the call from my local GP. She ran through a 10 question assessment and then had some additional questions. It was a 16 minute call and she was friendly and thorough.

She said I scored very highly and would refer me for an assessment. I also queried if she had the clinical psychiatrists assessment from 2012 and she did. This will be forwarded to me shortly.

Not sure how long a referral will take as the place which deals with them is currently closed.

At least the ball is rolling.

Ed

 

[Raggamuffin]

I do love making a good pun

Ed

 

[Raggamuffin]

I rang the doctors surgery and spoke with the secretary. My GP recommended doing this if I'd had no update after 2 weeks. They advised me the mental health organisation responsible for these referrals is still shut.

Once they reopen and are ready to process my referral, appare tly I will receive a phone call. I have discussed with various people recently about my assessment. Most seem to think it's unnecessary to pursue an official assessmentn especially as I have no want for medication or benefits etc. Also, given how much sense reading about the spectrum and ADHD made. Still, I figure the closure I found reading about these conditions and joining this forum may be further increased from an official assessment.

As with anyone on the spectrum, the needs and wants are dictated by the individual. I may not want medication or benefits - but I do see a genuine benefit in going for an official assessment.

Ed

 

[Juliettaa]

I have discussed with various people recently about my assessment. Most seem to think it's unnecessary to pursue an official assessmentn especially as I have no want for medication or benefits etc. Also, given how much sense reading about the spectrum and ADHD made. Still, I figure the closure I found reading about these conditions and joining this forum may be further increased from an official assessment.

As with anyone on the spectrum, the needs and wants are dictated by the individual. I may not want medication or benefits - but I do see a genuine benefit in going for an official assessment.

You're in the UK if I remember correctly therefore people stating it's unnecessary for an official assessment are not strictly correct. You're employed and if you have an official diagnosis, reasonable adjustments under the Equalities Act come into play. Therefore, for example, your need to wear headphones at work becomes a 'need' under the EA and not a 'want' and your employer has to recognise this.

My official diagnosis has afforded me reasonable adjustments at work and those alone make it worthwhile going through the assessment process.

 

[Raggamuffin]

I had felt the need for headphones was more of a requirement than personal preference. It's helped reduce stress and distractions significantly.

We've got one to one's with HR next week. I'm debating how open to be. They said if I have any issues or questions to raise I should feel free to do so.

Ed

 

[Juliettaa]

I had felt the need for headphones was more of a requirement than personal preference. It's helped reduce stress and distractions significantly.

We've got one to one's with HR next week. I'm debating how open to be. They said if I have any issues or questions to raise I should feel free to do so.

Ed

I understand that headphones, whether they deliver music or are of the noise cancelling variety, are worn by a lot of people who are autistic. However, the employer, without a diagnosis, does not have to accommodate the wearing of headphones but would be in breach of the law if there was a diagnosis and the headphones are used as a reasonable adjustment.

Re: your meeting next week - only you can gauge how open you want to be with them. On a personal level, I only divulged my autism when I had a diagnosis and that was only to people who are in a position to assist me in the workplace - i.e. my line manager and senior manager. I am not 'out' to my general colleagues.