On the spectrum or social anxiety?

[Emerson6]

I did feel a bit torn, but overall I did want an ASD diagnosis. I remember after my evaluation actually worrying about not getting a diagnosis. I think I was already convinced I had ASD and started to identify with it some time before seeking a diagnosis.

By the way, I totally identify with your description of becoming fixated on things. For me, fixation has allowed me to become very successful at certain things, but also can be a problem when I need to switch gears often or become fixated on something other than what I need/ought to be doing. I hear the word "hyperfocus" a lot both in the ADHD and ASD community and I think it is common in people with either diagnosis.

I completely understand! And to the fixation, I agree. It has allowed me to excel in certain areas, and helped me to figure out I want to pursue a career in research, but it becomes problematic when I need to do other things and physically cannot stop what I’m doing.

 

[VAW]

Hello, everyone. I’m not exactly sure what I’m doing here but here goes.

I guess I’m wondering if it’s possible I’ve gone undiagnosed or misdiagnosed. My mother didn’t believe in mental health and we only ever went to the doctor when it was absolutely needed. I’m a 23yro female, and I’m very socially awkward.

From a young age, I always felt different. I would retreat to be by myself and read A LOT because I felt like I knew I didn’t belong. Other people seemed to always be so close, have everything to talk about with their “best” friends, and it all came so easily to them. I never had a “best” friend even through high school.

I played sports, but i was rarely invited to social gatherings, sat next to on the bus, or reached out to. Kids would pick on me in elementary school until my mom pulled me out and homeschooled me.

I always felt like I didn’t belong. Social interactions, while I navigate through them, are difficult for me. I don’t always know what to do or say or when to do it. I often misread cues/facial expressions, etc. Aside from my SO and siblings, I have 2 people I would call my friends. People don’t seem to like me (in terms of friendship) very much, and for awhile I beat myself up about it, but I’ve come to accept it. If it weren’t for my SO, I wouldn’t have the 2 friends that I have now.

I’ve had therapists tell me I have social anxiety, but I’m not entirely sure that’s all that’s contributing. I have been diagnosed with adult ADHD, and sometimes I get so fixated on a specific subject I’ll spend hours reading and researching anything that’s available. It’s hard to stop once I get stuck on the subject. I’m not anal about my day to day routine, and it changes from time to time, but some days little things go wrong and it throws me off.

My emotions have always been difficult to control/understand, and while they’ve gotten better as I’ve gotten older, I still struggle in some areas. I’m not super sensitive to sounds, but if there’s a lot going on, I feel overwhelmed and shut down. Sometimes I avoid talking to people because my mind processes things at a higher level and i know that they won’t understand what I’m trying to say.

Idk. Maybe I’m just overthinking my life, but I can’t shake the feeling, 23 years later, that I’m different than those around me. Maybe I have high functioning autism? What do you guys think? I’m open to any questions/comments/etc.

thanks for taking the time to read my post.

Welcome to the forum! You sound a lot like my son in some ways. When the doctors were telling my son he could have ASD (at that point he was 28) We took him to several places to see what the professionals said, we found a professional who worked with mostly kids with ASD, she said she could not give him an official diagnosis but she could give him some tests and work with him. With her results she said he is definitely in the spectrum. We then went to have him diagnosed which we were told only a neuro-psychologist could do. After 4 hours of testing and talking with her the Neuro-psychologist wasn't going to give him a diagnosis of ASD because she felt he didn't show ALL of the signs, Such as only focusing on one thing, or rocking back and forth, etc.... in the end after talking with me she did give him his diagnosis of borderline ASD, high anxiety disorder and avoidant personality disorder. All of his regular doctors felt he had Asperger's, his specialists felt he had ASD, and the councilor who worked with him felt he had ASD but yet the Neuro-Psychologist almost didn't diagnose him with it.
I suppose I didn't see his social awkwardness because I had 5 kids, and he would have the other kids do things for him, like order from McDonalds is something he would NEVER do. I just thought he was manipulative, it wasn't until later in his 20's that we realized he wasn't doing all that stuff in public, had too much anxieties and fears about it. Didn't have friends growing up, but we lived in a rural area and after first grade I home schooled them so meeting friends were tough to do anyway. He always did feel different, like he didn't belong in this world and didn't like being here in this world.