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Online dating: how has it worked for you?

The problem I've have with most of the dating sites I've used is that they won't allow me to filter out (no pun intended) smokers. Also I tend to get too many of what mathematicians might call "trivial" matches. That is, men who have just joined the site and have put nothing in their profile other than that they're looking for women, so they get matched with everyone and anyone of the opposite sex including yours truly!
 
I missed all this dating app stuff and I'm so glad. Honestly, I've found love most often through hobbies than anything designed for matching people up. I met my husband in an arcade on a dance machine!
 
I've always had a difficult time breaking the ice with people. Mainly been scared due to stories my dad tells me about violent men he knows, along with it actually happening at the seat next to me. (Guy says hi to girl who's taken, gets his face punched in and nose broke, never saw that much blood that quickly before.) Yeah I just stayed out of that dating minefield.

So I've been online dating since I got my first computer in 1997. It solves the #1 obstacle for me, knowing they're single and looking to begin with. I've probably dated a dozen people since then. Most not so good, but one lasted 8 years (married for 6). Some others lasted 2-3 years. I don't believe in hookups and one night stands.

If I had money I could have just about anybody I wanted for life. I've got a lot to offer for the right person. But it usually falls apart when it finally hits them that I'm not going to pay their bills and fund their lives. I say this from day one but it doesn't seem to sink in till the euphoria wears off. Oh well.
 
I have tried online dating for more than three years. I have only really had more than one date off of it. All the rest have ended with them not meeting me. But I don't care that much. Better things to concern myself about.
 
Yesterday I was approached at IoT Tech Expo Global by a man who said he recognised me from a posting I'd made on LoveArts.com. I had no recollection of having posted there. I didn't know what would be more unnerving: losing my memory or being a victim of identity fraud. Then the man showed me the said posting on this phone and what I saw appeared to be a duplicate of my profile and associated postings on Classic FM Romance (which I am knowingly signed up to). I'm only too sorry that I appeared so spooked by this random stranger coming up to me and knowing that I play the recorder and am interested in renewable energy. He told me he had spotted me talking to the people at the Zero Carbon Project stall and said that made sense given my username. I go by the moniker of "Maremotrice" on Classic FM Romance which like my username here is the feminine form of a French adjective relating to renewable energy ("parc aeolienne" = wind farm, "usine maremotrice" = tidal power station). Frankly, I'm astounded. Even my Facebook friends seem oblivious to my interest in renewable energy. Perhaps I'm being unfair, but I rarely have anyone say to me "I saw this and I thought of you" (apropos of related articles or job vacancies) no matter how many articles I share from the likes of Grist or Positive News...
 
I met my husband on OkCupid.

I met my previous husband on a religious discussion forum, and I don't remember the name of the dating site where I met my first husband.

My husband now is a lot like me, which works well, but really watch out for fake people and people who pretend to be what they aren't. My second husband is a narcissist and my first has mommy issues, but they didn't reveal these things until too late.
 
I have tried Match, OKCupid, and Coffee Meets Bagel. Not much luck, unfortunately (or fortunately? Sometimes I look at profiles recommended and feel it will end up like the Speed Dating Event on the TV version of 12 Monkeys).

I actually was chosen to be a moderator on OKC for some reason before I stopped, which was amusing in and of itself.
 
I'm on POF.com and Tinder, and have had matches, but I've watched enough soaps to know to avoid online dating like the plague.

I should probably go ahead and try it, I don't want to be single forever, but I'm wary of the risks, that and there's nobody local, most of the good matches are from the South, logistically it would be impossible to set up a meet because I don't drive and a lot of them don't either.

I sent a message this morning on POF to a 32 year old woman in Leeds, I'll see if she responds.
 
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I have been using online dating sites for many months and have had no luck. I have only had five people respond to me and but they didn't talk to me for very long. Everyone else just ignores me. Some people go to a lot of trouble to avoid me. They will block me so that I may not send them messages even though I only emailed them once. You would think these people would at least reply to the messages they receive. I finally stopped messaging people and have not sent a message in three months. I'm only going to send a message to people who message me first so I'll know they will respond. I have written a long profile description that tells people about myself. Maybe that will attract the right person to me. If not I will keep trying new things until something works out.
 
I've only been in a relationship with someone I met online once; but other than that nothing

She was from Sweden and a very nice girl, but the Time difference and her needing to stay at her school after hours was hindering so we broke it off
 
Oh I have tried lots of it. My ex husband and me met on an online forum. I married him because I thought that’s how things were supposed to be. To be honest I didn’t really like him, but hat was my first relationship so I thought that’s how it’s supposed to be. I did have one more guy I was seeing for a couple of months from the same forum, but I was too sick and tired of the long distance thing.

When I broke up with my ex boyfriend I downloaded tinder. I matched with a lot of guys, but they wanted relationships. At that time I needed a friend with benefits, just not friends at all. Like a person I could call for sex but didn’t have to bother talking to about anything else.

Right now in a sense I am looking to have someone to physically hang out with, dating. At the same time my anxiety is too overwhelming. I did have tinder and happn, where I matched and exchange messages. Usually my mood swings come right in time before I can meet these guys. This is why I would rather have someone come up to me and approach me in real life, than try to plan and set things that I will miss out on.
 
Online dating has been haphazard at best. I’ve met a handful of men that seem to like me online and apparently think I’m weird in person.
I’m never quite sure what I’ve done wrong but often online people are looking for hooking up quick or even before meeting and that’s tough for me. I’m not anti-sex. I like it but I’m not really down until I know them.
I met my last boyfriend online (an aspie) but the relationship was overwhelming for him and he just can’t do it. Made me a little sad as I felt like I’d met the first person ever that actually understood me.
I’m digressing....anyway, I think online is fun but like a needle in a haystack.
 
Tiffany said:
Online dating has been haphazard at best. I’ve met a handful of men that seem to like me online and apparently think I’m weird in person.
I’m never quite sure what I’ve done wrong but often online people are looking for hooking up quick or even before meeting and that’s tough for me. I’m not anti-sex. I like it but I’m not really down until I know them.
I met my last boyfriend online (an aspie) but the relationship was overwhelming for him and he just can’t do it. Made me a little sad as I felt like I’d met the first person ever that actually understood me.
I’m digressing....anyway, I think online is fun but like a needle in a haystack.
Click to expand...
Yeah, if the haystack is the size of 3 football fields.
 
So the only way I date, ever has been via on-line. If on-line dating was not a thing, I doubt I would ever have met anyone.

I think the experience really varies depending on whether you are male or female, as well as age. When I was young, on-line dating was a reach chore to find a match, talk to a woman, get a date, etc. Which made me often wonder if women who did it at a young age were looking for self-validation from men?

Now that I'm older, I have been MUCH more successful & haven't had real issues meeting & dating. In the past 2 years since my ex cheated & left me, I have been in 3 relationships & dated 4 different women. I also put a lot of effort into it as well, trying to be very much "on" when I'm on a date. It also helps that I think I'm a pretty good guy with a lot to offer, & a lot of single women at middle age have already gotten through those bad relationships, so have different expectations & wants now?

The big benefits for me with on-line dating is that 1) you already know they are looking or interested, 2) a lot of the anxiety of walking up to someone to try to connect is not there, at least not right away, 3) I find it a lot easier to get past that initial get-to-know stage via messaging than verbally, 4) its a structured environment with "rules" that is easier for me to navigate. So its been working pretty well for me.
 
Long distance relationships are too difficult and too much heartache. I don't recommend them.

Having online friends around the world is great though. If you've got time to put into reading and sending text messages or email, it's far more interesting than exchanging messages with a local person.
 
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