Overthinking

[Shiznown]

How did you meet this girl? Do you know her in person, or have you met her online? Women whom you meet online do this kind of stuff all the time. It is a game to them. Sadly people and especially women whom have guys hit on them all the time, especially online; they do not value the people they meet online and will randomly stop talking without an explanation. This is why I have left dating sites completely and advise against them. Nothing will cause a man to have frustration towards women quite like dating sites.

 

[Esa]

did you try telling her all this?

 

[Esa]

How did you meet this girl? Do you know her in person, or have you met her online? Women whom you meet online do this kind of stuff all the time. It is a game to them. Sadly people and especially women whom have guys hit on them all the time, especially online; they do not value the people they meet online and will randomly stop talking without an explanation. This is why I have left dating sites completely and advise against them. Nothing will cause a man to have frustration towards women quite like dating sites.

I don’t go on dating sites, I have other reasons to avoid them but you seem sure that all women are playing games to be hit on. So you don’t get what you’re looking for from a dating site, but you don’t think they might be having the same issue, which then leads to avoiding people or stop responding?

 

[Shiznown]

I don’t go on dating sites, I have other reasons to avoid them but you seem sure that all women are playing games to be hit on. So you don’t get what you’re looking for from a dating site, but you don’t think they might be having the same issue, which then leads to avoiding people or stop responding?

Women having issues with responses on dating sites does not exist. Even women without a photo with get massive amounts of responses. Most decent women have left online dating due to too many creeps on the sites, or guys that aren't serious and thus guys are now left with women on those sites primarily for an ego boost. I didn't say all women are playing games, just the majority that use dating sites.

 

[Kari_Cookie]

When I overthink things, I tend to add assmptions over the facts. Maybe the fact was just “she didn’t respond my message.” But I tend to connect the unbias fact with my negative thought, and I got the conclusion: she doesn’t like me anymore. That assumption has nothing to do with the actual truth. And I may never know what the actual truth is. The only thing we can control is ourselves in any relationship.

For me, ovethinking often comes with self-blame. And I was really depressed and anxious when both of them came together. Now I started to watch drama show, reading/watching art works, and drawing whatever in my mind. Waiting anxious or other negative emotions fade away. Usually it takes hours to get better. And I’m able to accept “this is who I am, and it’s not a bad thing.” I still do self-blame, but not as much as before. A lot of artists are ovethinkers, and some scientists are kind of ovethinkers. Maybe ovethinking is somehow bad, but it could be good if I use it in different way.

 

[Esa]

Women having issues with responses on dating sites does not exist. Even women without a photo with get massive amounts of responses. Most decent women have left online dating due to too many creeps on the sites, or guys that aren't serious and thus guys are now left with women on those sites primarily for an ego boost. I didn't say all women are playing games, just the majority that use dating sites.

I meant "not getting what you expect or want from a dating site" by "same issues". In your case it could be no response but it can be something else for others.

 

[Esa]

So I tend to have a habit of majorly overthinking stuff. I can play out past events in my head to pick them apart completely (usually in the moment I'm trying hard enough to get by to actually pay attention to what's happening), or I go over possible future scenarios in my head to "practice" difficult situations that might arise.

However, this goes up to 11 when I fancy a girl, and it kicks my butt everytime. It starts out okay, I feel like there's some chemistry, and then I start overanalysing everything she says or does or texts, and I either get way too desperate and clingy or fail to make my intentions clear and end up in the friendzone. It's just so hard to interpret signals, I keep doubting myself if she's just being nice or genuinely interested in me but just a bit awkward, like me.

So does anyone have any tips to stop the overthinking? I was texting with this girl and she suddenly stopped responding yesterday and since then I keep being locked up in my head and not able to focus on the stuff I need to get done. Any help would be appreciated!

I really can't think of anything other than asking her. And if she shows no interest in explaining why she stopped responding, it's wise to just drop it and let it go.

 

[LucyPurrs]

Over-personalizing can also be very self-destructive and it is a very common thing people do. The way to stop that is to realize that you are not the center of everyone's universe and that there can be many reasons why others say and do what they do, many of which likely have nothing to do with you.

 

[Mathalamus]

i overthink things a lot. i resolved the problem.... by straight up making it a requirement. it works only because i have enough energy, time, and resources at a level that virtually no one else has, and make plans based on what information i have. or, sometimes, don't have.

i credit my overthinking nature for ensuring that i stayed intact and reasonably able to function. once upon a time, "friends" abandoning me and coalition battles (3+ people against me) were basically declared impossible. now, not only have they happened, repeatedly, now, its part of my general core abilities.

as to the immediate above post: i managed to avoid that, for the most part. unfortunately, it does nothing for things that actually do have something to do with me.

 

[Chance]

+1 on overthinking. I try to accept it and let it run its course unless I realize that it's upsetting people around me. Then I try to figure out a way to short circuit it--usually by trying to put myself in their shoes.

This may sound weird (actually I know it does) but I do try very hard to put myself in "someone else's shoes" and if I outright think about it... I cant do it. The logic just locks me out, but if a situation comes up where maybe I don't have time to think about it, somehow I can sort of do that.

I try an "imagine" how a person feels, but its mostly either my blocked perception, or just a blank space and it makes me feel heartless sometimes, when I know I'm not heartless but just don't know how to get at what I feel they need me to understand... Its there, but just not in words maybe.

Its cool that you can do this... I wish I could kind of master that.
I think I just over thought this also...

 

[Sid Delicious]

Music tends to shut my brain up. Or focusing on work (certain types, anyway). Music is probably the best cure though. I alternate between classical and breakcore when coding and it acts like a white noise to cover any background thinking my brain does. Music with heavy bass or drumming is also good for depression. Get a good pair of drummer's headphones that can take heavy bass and puts some music on!

 

[LucyPurrs]

I try an "imagine" how a person feels, but its mostly either my blocked perception, or just a blank space and it makes me feel heartless sometimes, when I know I'm not heartless but just don't know how to get at what I feel they need me to understand... Its there, but just not in words maybe.

We all feel the basic emotions- I think that everyone can relate to what it feels like to be sad, angry, disappointed, frustrated, content, happy, excited etc. without necessarily having to experience the same situation as the person who's shoes you are trying to put yourself in. So you can identify the emotion by imagining how that experience might make you feel. Chance sounds like you are blocking or numbing your feelings- maybe that's the issue more than you being heartless. You are for sure not heartless per what I've seen of your posts. Sorry if this post is awkwardly expressed, I'm a bit tired today.

 

[Chance]

We all feel the basic emotions- I think that everyone can relate to what it feels like to be sad, angry, disappointed, frustrated, content, happy, excited etc. without necessarily having to experience the same situation as the person who's shoes you are trying to put yourself in. So you can identify the emotion by imagining how that experience might make you feel. Chance sounds like you are blocking or numbing your feelings- maybe that's the issue more than you being heartless. You are for sure not heartless per what I've seen of your posts. Sorry if this post is awkwardly expressed, I'm a bit tired today.

Out in real life I just have lots of trouble expressing myself I guess. If its business, or some emergency... Its like I am another person. But if we were all sitting around in a room discussing personal issues... I'm just locked out because i seem to overthink it to the point its all second guesses... Sure I have all the feelings and emotions... Maybe too much of them to allow anyone to ever see. Not sure, but thanks for your kindness. : )

 

[Tobs]

"Overthinking" is hard to define. Where do you draw the line between thorough consideration and harmful thought patterns? To me, the most unhealthy form of overthinking is thinking in circles. A thought pattern that keeps falling back on itself has no conclusion and is unproductive.

Once you start having the same thought pattern over and over again it's time for a different approach.
Because either you're not happy with the conclusion (You want to find a consideration that will lead to a different conclusion.) or you're stuck with a situation that is impossible to judge (The same questions keep coming up but are never unambiguously answered, therefor the situation does not get resolved.).

In both cases, it's usually (mind the exceptions) not so much a question of analysing the situation as it is a matter of determining what you want and how you think you can go about achieving that and accepting the outcome as the reality of that moment.

Another issue with overthinking is when you draw up multiple possible scenarios, fill in some missing parameters and attempt to determine which of those scenarios is most likely. This is a great way of forming assumptions. Assumptions are rarely accurate.

Whether someone likes you or not is a fluid truth. It's not something you can grasp or measure. Ergo, your behaviour should be based less on whether or not they like you and more on the fact that you like them.

What helps me, is the understanding that reality is everchanging. I will always accept the reality of the moment. If you deny any part of it, your response will be inaccurate. But I always keep trying to affect the changes I want to see, because the future is open to suggestions. And if someone DOES close the door on you completely, the only logical way forward is changing direction.